Wednesday Ramble: Not Gonna Make It

Someone put a ring on my grudge.

Well, look at that. We are now at the halfway mark of this Asian horror month and there is no way I’m going to get to through all the movies I want to talk about. Even sadder than that, I’m having a friggin’ blast and I don’t want this to end. October and especially November (National Novel Writing Month) are going to be busy months for me and I’ll have to get off this sick and demented Asian train. The mission is to squeeze in as much goodness as I can into the next 15 days and hope for success. Here are a bunch of things I’m not going to get to this month but I’m going to briefly mention.

Nightmare Detective
Directed by Shinya Tsukamoto
Released: 2006
Country of Origin: Japan

This is a jolting, scary, gruesome, and surreal shocker from the director of Tetsuo, the Iron Man. I’m still waiting for the sequel to hit DVD here in the States. Check this one out if you haven’t already.

Koma
Directed by Chi-Leung Law
Released: 2004
Country of Origin: Hong Kong

Organ theft has never been quite this fun or sexy! This is a strangely enjoyable flick that features two beautiful lead actresses, at least two puke takes, and a fire axe showdown. I don’t mean a flaming axe, I mean the kind of axe a fireman would use. Sorry.

Inugami
Directed by Masato Jarada
Released: 2001
Country of Origin: Japan

Was this the one about making paper? I think it was. A beautiful film from a legendary director. Also, a friggin’ boooooring film from a legendary director. Now that I’m a little more patient of a movie viewer, I’d like to give this one another chance.

The Eye
Directed by Oxide Pang Chun, Danny Pang
Released: 2002
Country of Origin: Hong Kong

This is possibly one of the most overrated films of the last decade. It is not bad by any means but I was disappointed when I finally got to see it.

Pulse
Directed by Kiyoshi Kurosawa
Released: 2001
Country of Origin: Japan

It is impossible for me not to gush about this incredibly scary and lovely film. Before it hit shelves over here in the States, I had a wonderful VCD of Pulse. I knew absolutely nothing about it other than it was a dirt cheap purchase on eBay. Needless to say, I felt like a lucky bastard. Remake is almost, ALMOST hilariously bad.

Biozombie
Directed by Wilson Yip
Released: 1998
Country of Origin: Hong Kong

This is definitely a strange zombie flick. The offending dead people reanimating virus is first spread by a bio-engineered sports drink (?) and our two heroes are Beavis and Butthead-like characters who, because they are good at zombie-killing videogames, rise up to save the day. Only problem with this one, the tone shifts too much from hilarious to depressing like… Oh I don’t know… Shaun of the Dead!

Junk
Directed by Atsushi Muroga
Released: 2000
Country of Origin: Japan

Junk is a wild and wonderful zombie/heist flick influenced by the Italian gore epics of the 1980s. Despite the action and the splatter, films runs a little too long for my tastes.


I need a moment here. Okay, where was I?

Ebola Syndrome
Directed by Herman Yau
Released: 1996
Country of Origin: Hong Kong

Could this be the sickest film ever made? Yeah. Prepare to be terrified, nauseous, and possibly even outraged by this Category III shocker starring the amazing Anthony Wong.

2LDK
Directed by Yukihiko Tsutsumi
Released: 2003
Country of Origin: Japan

Two actresses living in an apartment vying for the same role devolve into murderous behavior. This over-the-top flick keeps things nice, simply, and blackly ironic. Good times.

Hiruko the Goblin
Directed by Shinya Tsukamoto
Released: 1991
Country of Origin: Japan

This flick is very, very weird. Director Tsukamoto doesn’t disappoint with this off kilter horror tale filled with demons and severed heads that sprout legs and run around (that doesn’t sound familiar at all). I like Hiruko the Goblin quite a bit but yeah, what the fuck?

Ab-normal Beauty
Directed by Oxide Pang Chun
Released: 2004
Country of Origin: Hong Kong

I take pictures of dead people. You know what? I can’t sigh loud enough. This movie rubbed me the wrong way, seriously. It’s overlong, kind of dull, and those poor chickens!

Bloody Reunion
Directed by Dae-wung Lim
Released: 2006
Country of Origin: South Korea

I was really impressed with this Korean slasher flick. Plenty of twists and turns to keep you guessing plus some beautiful cinematography. Oh and there’s carnage too.

Shutter
Directed by Banjong Pisanthanakun, Pardpoom Wongpoom
Released: 2004
Country of Origin: Thailand

You got ghosts in your photos, bro. Wow! This film is scary and just plain awesome. It also has a great ending. The Eye wishes it was this good. The remake can bite the big one.

The Seventh Curse
Directed by Ngai Kai Lam
Released: 1986
Country of Origin: Hong Kong

I feel strangely blessed just by having seen this wacko flick starring Chow Yun Fat, Chin Siu-Hou, and Maggie Cheung. The Seventh Curse is all over the place with insane gore setpieces and a breakneck pace.

The Red Shoes
Directed by Yong-gyun Kim
Released: 2005
Country of Origin: South Korea

Yeah, this is one of the biggest surprises in a while. I was expecting the worst from The Red Shoes and got my brains knocked out for such foolish thoughts. Director Kim takes a formulaic cursed item/ghost story and goes ballistic with it. It contains lots of manic energy and insane visuals.

Occult Detective Club: The Doll Cemetery
Directed by Kiyoshi Yamamoto
Released: 2006
Country of Origin: Japan

This is awful crap belongs to the Theater of Horror set inspired by the manga of Hideshi Hino. I hope that that this interminable hour-long episode is the worst of the bunch because it fucking sucks. Any potential for silliness, fun, or creativity is totally wasted in this zero budget tripe.

#$@%#&#$#$%*#$&@&!#*#@$%

That concludes this batch of half-assed reviews. Go forth, my friends, watch some Asian horror flicks! I have many more to go this month and I hope that I can fit it all in. I want to say thanks to all my homies for their contributions so far. You guys totally rule. All right! Here is a trailer for a movie that I am trying to find. Anybody know anything about this one?