Thursday, April 30, 2009

I Drink Your Blood

I Drink Your Blood
Directed by David E. Durston
Released: 1970
Starring Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury, Jadine Wong, Rhonda Fultz, George Patterson, Riley Mills, John Damon, Elizabeth Marner-Brooks, Iris Brooks
Running Time: 83 minutes

A teenage girl named Sylvia (played by Iris Brooks) gets violated by a gang of satanic hippies lead by their psychotic leader Horace (Bhaskar Roy Chowdhury). When her grandfather hears about it, he grabs his shotgun, and goes to teach these freaks a lesson. They beat him up and dose him with LSD. Sylvia’s little brother Pete (Riley Mills) has had enough of this bullshit and decides to get some payback for his family.

After shooting a mad dog, Pete takes some of its rabies-infected blood and injects it into meat pies (the local specialty) and sells them to the hippies. Horace and his gang go completely mental, attacking everyone in their path (including each other). Because rabies is also sexually transmittable (?), a gang of rabid constructions workers (who had a group thang with one of the hippie chicks) shows up in the town and complete chaos ensues.

Why oh why did I wait so long to watch this movie!?!? Director David E. Durston’s only contribution to horror is a very, very special one. His direction is delirious, the overacting cast is sweaty, the plot is loaded with pseudoscience, and the blood is flowing freely. Now prepare for deafness as the awesome soundtrack by Clay Pitts is a high pitched synth freakout. His score has one of the most outrageously irritating synthesizer drones ever recorded.

The Sons And Daughters Of Satan! These jokers make the Manson Family look like the von Trapps. Their only mistake is underestimating the potential for evil in young Pete who infects them with rabies without a clue what the consequences will be. Watching these grubby hippies guzzle down their rabies-infested meat pies is actually a pretty disgusting scene.

This is simply one of the most gleefully mad films I’ve ever seen. Once the satanic hippies start foaming at the mouth, I Drink Your Blood sets us up for a good old-fashioned slaughter and delivers the goods. Usually paired with the bland I Eat Your Skin for an uneven double feature, this film is one of those rare and wild grindhouse flicks from back in the day that actually delivers on its promises: sex, blood, and the power of Satan await you.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"Fear of Floating"

Tales from the Darkside
“Fear of Floating”
Season 2, Episode 23
Air date: May 25, 1986
Directed by John Lewis
Starring Sherman Howard, Anne Lange, John Ridge, Leon Russom, and Yeardley Smith

A man named Arnold Barker (Sherman Howard) wanders into a US Army recruitment office asking for sanctuary. Two loser recruiters (played by Anne Lange and Leon Russom) are excited when they discover that Arnold is a floater. He claims to be "The Human Balloon", an escaped slave from the circus who now needs the Army’s help because evil circus people are after him. After demonstrating his floating powers, the recruiters agree to give Arnold sanctuary if he agrees to join the Army.

Of course, Arnold's tale is a big pack of lies. This floating asshole is actually escaping from a young woman he impregnated and her shotgun-toting pa. He started floating 6 months earlier when Betty Ann Cooper (played by Yeardley Smith) told him that she with child and suggested they get married. With her father’s shotgun pointed at his face, Arnold agrees to marry Betty Ann and he stops floating. But he isn’t out of hot water just yet. It seems that this lecherous bastard has just one more lesson to learn.

I think this is one of the strangest Tales from the Darkside episodes in the entire series which is probably why it has been stuck in the back of my mind for the last 23 years. What is this supposed to be about exactly? Is this a morality play? If it is, the message seems to be that if you’re a douchebag, you’ll float right into a killer ceiling fan.

Arnold describes floating uncontrollably as one of the most horrible superhuman abilities one could have. Well, it can’t be worse than making a baby with Yeardley Smith. I really dig this episode though my lying brain remembered the climax as being much gorier than it actually is. Instead of guts flying everywhere, there’s just a little blood. Let the imagination do the rest.

“You can float straight to hell, Arnold Barker.”

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tenement: Game of Survival

Tenement: Game of Survival
AKA Slaughter in the South Bronx
Directed by Roberta Findlay
Released: 1985
Starring Joe Lynn, Mina Bern, Walter Bryant, Corrine Chateau, Angel David, Marta de la Cruz, Rhetta Hughes, Larry Lara
Running Time: 94 minutes

A street gang hiding out in the basement of an apartment building in the ghetto gets arrested after an idiotic tenant calls the cops on them. Because there is no evidence against them, the gang is released hours later. The murderous thugs, high on Angel Dust, return the same night to take their revenge on everyone in the apartment. As the gang rapes and murders (mostly murders) its way through the place, the remaining residents decide to fight for their lives.

This gritty piece of trash lives up to its reputation as a harrowing and gory little slice of evil. Former porn director Roberta Findlay (The Oracle, Lurkers) pulls no punches in what is probably her best film (but that’s not saying much). With decent writing and actors who may not be very good but who clearly care about the material, this shattered my expectations (which were low). Tenement is cheap, cheesy and nasty and contains some seriously disturbing and sadistic scenes. I can only recommend this relentlessly grim film for the truly depraved and jaded viewer. So yeah, it's pretty great.

The NOT SAFE FOR WORK trailer:

Monday, April 27, 2009

Why the new blog?

Ladies and gentlemen, WordPress is donkey shit. There, I’ve said it! Blogspot is where all the hot chicks are. Am I right or am I right? Actually, I just really wanted to start fresh without destroying what I’ve already done. So yes, Doomed Movieblog is still up but Cinema Somnambulist is the place for all the newness.