Thursday, December 22, 2016

Films I Watched: November 2016

* means first time viewing

Batman: The Killing Joke*
Escape from L.A.
Tomie: Rebirth
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Captain America: Civil War
Adventures in Babysitting
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
The Legend of Billie Jean
Real Genius
Weird Science
Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael
Dirty Dancing
Grease 2
Dream a Little Dream
Gleaming the Cube
Teen Witch
Summer School
Pump Up the Volume
Evil Dead Trap
Oasis of the Zombies
The Rites of Frankenstein
A Virgin among the Living Dead
She Killed in Ecstasy
Dr. Orloff's Monster
The Other Side of the Mirror*
The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff
The Awful Dr. Orloff
Opalo de Fuego (Mercaderes del Sexo)
Eugenie de Sade
Kill Bill v.1
Kill Bill v.2
The Music Man
Swiss Army Man*
White Christmas
Addams Family Values
Silent Night, Bloody Night
Ernest Saves Christmas
Tomie: Forbidden Fruit

Monday, December 19, 2016

Christmas Horror Podcast

It's the last episode of the Doomed Show for 2016. Check out LeEtta and I talking about Christmas horror movies and Christmas movies and specials.


Check out more LeEtta!

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

You're Never Nothing is coming soon!

Here's a promo for my band's first album. We've been described as "pant-wettingly awful" by black diamond.

Monday, November 28, 2016

Films I Watched: October 2016

* means first time watch.

The Burbs
The Corpse Bride
Count Dracula's Great Love
Mr. Boogedy
Practical Magic
The Old Dark House (1932)
The Crow
Idle Hands
The Craft
The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Black Sunday
The Nice Guys*
Hocus Pocus
Dracula (1931)
Trick R Treat
Cat People (1942)
Dracula's Daughter
Dracula 2000
The Conjuring
The Conjuring 2*
Sleepy Hollow
The Worst Witch
Son of Dracula*
House of Frankenstein*
The Invisible Man
The Lost Boys
The Addams Family
Bram Stoker's Dracula
The Woods
Shin Godzilla*
Boo! A Madea Halloween*
Dracula: Pages from a Virgin's Diary*
Hell Night
The Invitation*
Son of Frankenstein*
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Halloween: Resurrection
The Witches
Arsenic and Old Lace
Ginger Snaps
Fiend Without a Face*
Once Bitten
I Walked With a Zombie
Freaky Farley
The Fog
Halloween (1978)
Halloween II (1981)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

H!TITDS Fundraiser Part 2: The Revenge Of Hosting Fees

Hello again! It's time to beg for money again! Last time I did one of these fundraisers, it was wildly successful. Now it's time to be wildly successful AGAIN! In this Doomed Moviethon Bandcamp exclusive episode, Nafa and I discuss seeing Shin Godzilla. We had a great time and I think it comes across in this recording. The episode is only $1 but if you'd care to give more to support the show, please do, you'd be helping out the show so much.

Click right here to get the party started and/or keep it going.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Films I Watched: September 2016

* means first time watch.

Cold Comfort Farm
Tomie: Another Face
Tomie: Re-play
Mystery Men
Dead & Buried
Sixty Million Dollar Man
Captain America
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Center Stage
Blair Witch (2016)*
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Pet Sematary Two*
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
The Mermaid*
Love and Friendship*
Corpse Party*
Midnight Special*
My Best Friend is a Vampire

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Hello! This is the Doomed Show Fundraiser October 2016

Hey there, folks! It's come to my attention that podcasts cost money. Damn it to hell. Why was I so naive? Just kidding! I was very proud that I went 5 years without spending a dime on anything other than recording equipment. So yeah, I started actually paying for bandwidth so that we could reach more people like you as well as not get podblocked by running out of storage and stuff. (I should probably coin the phrase "podblocked".)

So here is my grand idea for the first ever Doomed Show fundraiser drive. I have two albums of spooky music here for sale on the newly made Doomed Moviethon Bandcamp. First up is something I made especially for this fundraiser. It's called Alex & The Haunted Ice Cream Factory. It's an album of synthesizer and guitar weirdness that sets the mood for the bizarre plot (yes, the album comes with a plot). The other album for sale is Terror. This was previously a freebee from Goblinhaus if you bought the Fauxrror album. It's my tribute to films like Symptoms, Tomie, Fury of the Wolfman, etc. and features some rad dialog from the films mixed in with some bonkers soundscapes I made with synthesizers I found entirely online. I'm nothing if not resourceful.

Both albums are only $1 apiece but if you'd care to give more to support the show, we'll gladly accept it! Everything I make on these releases goes DIRECTLY to paying for the show's bandwidth and anything left over after that goes to pay for hosting Doomed Moviethon. The next Doomed Show fundraiser will be for some exclusive episodes of the show that'll be for sale and not in the normal feed. More about those later.

Here's the link to the albums!

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Wednesday Ramble - Too Little But Not Too Late: Revisiting Dracula (1931)

For Halloween this year, I really wanted to get my old school horror movie mojo going by looking at as many of the Universal monster movies as I could. What better way to start then by watching a film that I haven't seen since I was in my early teens. I've spent more time reading about Dracula (1931) than I have watching it. So yeah, 25 (or more) years ago, I thought the original Dracula was boring and awkward. Kids. What can ya do? I do remember thinking that it was really important to watch this and other classics as a burgeoning horror kid.

The first thing that blows my mind are things that I definitely was never consciously aware of as a kid like the production design. Man oh man, the matte paintings are fantastic. They give everything the feel of an alien landscape especially now that everything these days is done with CGI. Will people in the future look back on our cinema and find our bad techno-trickery all charming and shit? As for the sets, wow just wow. Obviously, camera tricks were the CGI of their day and of course, filmmakers from then would have used computers to make their vision end up on the screen. But these quaint and obviously hand-crafted touches make me so happy and I don't mean that in a condescending way (at least I don't think I do).

Okay, what is with the bug? So when Dracula and his lady Draculas are getting out of their coffins, there's some crazy shit going on. First of all, there's a possum. I found this very amusing because I live in Florida and the dang things are everywhere. Then I remember that Todd Browning was from Kentucky so that means he knew that they will appear exotic to the rest of the world. Maybe. I don't know where I was going with that. Anyway, the bug. So we see everyone getting out of their coffins and then there's a shot of a bug climbing out of his/her coffin -a tiny coffin? Or was that supposed to be a human sized coffin with a giant bug in it? My pal Nafa just suggested that the bug may be one of the wives other forms. I like that idea. There's also some armadillos which made me shake my head when they were chillin' in the crypt. They're pretty friggin' adorable.

The next thing that I really adore now -more than I could have ever anticipated as a young lad- are the smoke machines pumping a metric ton of atmosphere into this bad-boy. They give all the mist, fog, smoke, smog, haze, etc. that just makes me giddy in my current state of fandom. When Renfield shows up to switch carriages, the smoke looks like it was absolutely choking everyone on the set. Even though this scene is supposed to be outdoors, it's so claustrophobic that it made me frickin' nervous.

The vampire wives skulking around in the aforementioned mist is something I remember VERY DISTINCTLY. In fact, when they leave the movie (???), I remember just checking out for the most part. I thought they were so slinky and sexy that my brain never made the connection as to how dangerous these characters are. Has that attitude changed for me? Hell no, it hasn't. I'm still like "Ladies, I know I'm not Bela but hey I'm kinda pale. What are my chances?" Come to think of it, all of the women in this movie are just stunning. The ones that are stricken with ye olde vampire syndrome are just made up and photographed so perfectly that I just can't them out of my head.

This will come as a surprise to very few people (or no one at all) but my old complaining for years at how slow and silly this film is have melted away. While it's true that a few lines of dialogue and especially some of the over-the-top delivery still make me chuckle, I adore this cast. Whenever Dwight Frye as Renfield comes cackling into frame, I just want to high five whoever is sitting closest to me (which is my wife LeEtta, naturally). If I try to imagine audiences in 1931 seeing this film for the first time, I have to assume that his scuttling across the floor to go after the exposed neck of the maid must have scared the living shit out of people.

As for the pacing, I was never bored for a second during this viewing. There's just so much going on here that I have to wonder why the hell I don't watch this more often. I thought my attention span was getting worse not better! One of the big blind-spots in my horror fandom is for the 1930s. I swear I'm getting better about this era.

The almost total lack of a music score is certainly something. I really don't know how I feel about it. The opening music is perfect and the bit at the opera house works great. I'm not saying there should have been wall to wall music but yeah, I think the minimal score might be something that alienates people from this version. I like it because it does something funny to my brain that probably wasn't intentional at all. Has anyone taken the score from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jr. and used it on Dracula? I think that should be a thing. Did Philip Glass do the score for any of the Ace Ventura movies? Speaking of blind-spots, I absolutely have a block about the silent era of horror. I'll probably need more time for that. Don't give up on me just yet.

The darkness of the shadows and the suffocating nature of the nighttime scenes are almost too much for my tiny mind to take. So much mood is communicated with the simplest of things. When Dracula attacks the flower girl, holy crap! While I should probably be ashamed that I had such a low opinion of this film for so long, I'm very happy to have finally come around to it. Ladies and gentlemen, I love Todd Browning's Dracula! I can practically hear your eyes rolling but this is a big deal for me. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble again. It's been a while. The shadows are where I'll be if you need me.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Films I Watched: August 2016

* means first time watch

City of the Living Dead
Only Yesterday*
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
The Witch*
Star Trek Beyond*
Blood Rage*
Female Prisoner Scorpion #701*
Female Prisoner Scorpion Grudge Song*
The Dead are Alive
Fright House*
Hail Caesar!*
Bay of Blood
Shadow of the Wraith
Iron Man
Iron Man 2
In the Heart of the Sea*
Suicide Squad*
Guardians of the Galaxy
Gamera: The Giant Monster
Gamera Vs. Barugon*
The Boy and the Beast*
Amazing Spiderman
Argoman: The Fantastic Superman*
Tomie: Forbidden Fruit
Easy A
The Visit*
Kick Ass
St. Trinians
Horror Rises from the Tomb

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Films I Watched: July 2016

* means "First Time Viewing"

A Black Veil for Lisa
Parasite Eve*
Let Us Prey*
Rider of the Skulls*
Miami Golem*
The Women (1939)*
Real Genius
The Boy*
Kiss Me Deadly
Sin City
The Boy Who Cried Werewolf*
Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day
The Dark Knight Returns*
Escape from New York
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice*
Star Trek: Into Darkness
Seven Notes in Black
Watch Me When I Kill
White Christmas
Avengers: Age of Ultron
The Perfume of the Lady in Black
The Shining
Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
Female Prisoner #701: Scorpion
Female Prisoner Scorpion: Jailhouse 41*
Blood and Black Lace
Blade Runner

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Wednesday Ramble: Movie Memory Mining

While I continue to mine the depths of my memory (without leaving any reliable support beams or adhere to any safety regulations as I go), it dawned on me to try and recall what my very first memories of watching movies are. The first film that I have a very tenuous memory of catching in theater is The Empire Strikes Back (1980). Since I was only four when that film was first released, it was likely during its 1981 or 1982 re-release. This sticks out for me because I remember being really confused how the empire was able to reattach Darth Vader's head after Luke cut it off. This plot confusion didn't get cleared up for many more years than I'd like to admit. I asked my mom if she remembers taking me to this film. All she recalls is something loud and scary happening. I was much too young to have seen Star Wars (1977) in the theater but my parents got me The Story of Star Wars record which I listened to constantly.

Now I can't confirm the following but I believe that my family enjoyed cable television while I was little lad in Montana. The first movies I remember watching were Popeye (1980) and Clash of the Titans (1981). I don't know if HBO (or whatever channel or channels we had) still does this but when they had a new movie, they would play it all day long. So if memory serves (unlikely), I watched Popeye and Clash of the Titans over and over again all weekend long. I also remember that they played Hardware Wars (1978) and I laughed my head off at it after my dad explained to me why it was funny.

In the vein of things cinematically tragic, I was utterly freaked out by another short film called Recorded Live (1975) which is about film reels that come to life and devour a guy. This poor bastard shows up to a movie or TV studio looking for a job and dies horribly. This could be a metaphor for my social life and how it has been utterly decimated by my love of movies. Or it's about how I feel about showing up for work.

Robert Altman's Popeye is just grotesque and weird. I tried to sit through it once many years later but I was struck by how wrongheaded it seems to be. Maybe it captures the spirit of the original cartoon too well. What is the spirit of the old cartoon, you ask? Imagine if you cut open the rotting carcass of a bull, climbed inside, and did push-ups on your knuckles while listening to the 1812 Overture on 78rpm. That's how I feel about it. So anyway, I have a feeling that if I put the 1980 film on right now, I might actually enjoy it just because it's so goddamned weird. Chances of me actually doing that are around 12%.

Leave it to something as silly as Clash of the Titans to introduce me to the magic of Ray Harryhausen. Later, I'd have my mind blown by his work on the Sinbad movies but this epic 1981 um... epic was just what the doctor (I assume a pediatrician) ordered. My fondest memory of this film is the nighttime scene where Calibos sneaks into Perseus and his crew's camp in order to kill them. This sequence haunted me in the best way and is the closest thing to that European horror vibe that I love coming from a fantasy movie. I recently bought Clash on Blu-ray and haven't revisited it as of yet. However, I have been listening to Laurence Rosenthal's score while writing this. I've seen the 2010 remake but all I remember is that it wasn't terrible. Oh and Medusa was truly lame.

Monday, July 25, 2016

Films I Watched: June 2016

* means first time viewing

Bend It Like Beckham
The Night Evelyn Came Out of the Grave
The Red Queen Kills 7 Times
Pan (2015)*
Urusei Yatsura 2: Beautiful Dreamer
Iron Man
Iron Man 2
Iron Man 3
Tokyo Mighty Guy*
Danger Pays*
Murder Unincorporated*
Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension*
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies*
Sense and Sensibility
The Perfume of the Lady in Black
Bloody Pit of Horror*
The Cannibal Man*
Tombs of the Blind Dead
The Phantom*
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
Spirited Away
10 Cloverfield Lane*
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
The Dark Knight Rises
There's No Business Like Show Business*
A Better Tomorrow
A Better Tomorrow II*

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Overlords of the U.F.O. (1976)

W. Gordon Allen, the writer, producer, and host of this documentary, takes himself and the material presented here VERY SERIOUSLY. This is the film that dares to ask the burning question, “Who are the overlords of the UFO?” Why is it worded that way? I don’t know. While this is a rather dry presentation and gets a little dull at times, Overlords of the U.F.O. is pretty intriguing. The best moments are the artistic recreations of various incidents of sightings and abductions. However, my favorite bit is the information provided by communications from aliens of the planet Ummo. This stuff is just so wild and so much damn fun. Your enjoyment of this documentary will depend entirely on your interest in UFOs and the US government’s attempts to cover up these incidents.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

You're Never Nothing (Coming Soonish)

Hey there! As far as busyness goes, I'm pretty businesslike. My band GYROJETS has been recording our first full length album and let me tells ya, it's a lot of work. We're doing everything ourselves to push my recording equipment to the breaking point and just to say hey look we didn't pay anyone to record this! As sort of a progress report and a way to get everybody hyped, we put out a little sampler (link below) of all 11 songs that are on the album as well as an improvised jam we did just a couple of weeks ago. So what's left to do? Ohhhh almost everything. The guitar and drums are about 90% done or more (I hope) and so that leaves bass, keyboards, synthesizer, broken dream-catchers, and vocals. See? Not that much!

Sam and I formed GYROJETS three years ago and we've played some shows. I think we have a pretty rad band. We didn't know what genre we were exactly so we made up our own. It's called Realistic Music. So anyway, I have been recording our demos since day one with varying degrees of success. Due to my stubbornness and addiction to instant gratification, those recordings are a little not so hot. So I'm trying something new and really taking my time as well as inviting my bandmate to be much more involved in the mixing process. I want us to the do the best album we can with the tools that we have. Next time, I'm totally fucking paying someone else to do this crap. I'm tired! So anyway, wish us luck!

Check it out right here and hear and hear.

And here's some recent-ish live footage. This was when we premiered our now famous jumpsuits.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Films I Watched: May 2016

* means first time viewing.

El Muerto AKA The Dead One*
Captain America
Captain America: Winter Soldier
Two Evil Eyes
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Lord of Illusions*
Eye in the Labyrinth
Eye of the Cat*
Victor Frankenstein*
Nightmare Weekend*
Captain America: Civil War*
Friday the 13th
Edge of Tomorrow*
La Strada*
St. Trinian's
Night Screams*
Mountaintop Motel Massacre*
Blood Tracks*
The Mutilator*
Evil Laugh*
Graduation Day
Girls School Screamers
To All a Goodnight*
Slumber Party Massacre III*
The Boogey Man
Satan's Blade*
Terror at Tenkiller*
The Last Slumber Party*
Drive Me Crazy
Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials*
Goodnight Mommy*
Easy A
Naussica: Valley of the Wind
Contamination .7*
The Music Man

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Cinema Somnambulist The Book Coming Very Soon

I've got my proof copy, y'all! Fixing egregious errors right now. It's gonna be rad.

You're holding this blog in your hands. One day, you'll hold the book of this blog in your hands!

Maybe I don't know how blogs work.

Friday, May 27, 2016

Giallo Meltdown Is A Year Old

Hey, Giallo Meltdown fans! Do you have Giallo Meltdown? If so, THANK YOU! Do you like it? Do you hate it? REVIEW IT! If you have a blog, I'd love to read what you have to say about it!. If you have a podcast, I'd love to hear what you have to say about it! If you have a vlog, I'd love to see what you have to say about it! So yeah, if you have the book and haven't posted a review of it on Amazon, please do. Good or bad, all reviews help me out immensely.

But the main point of my bloggin' this blog post right now is that I want to say how much fun I've had since putting the book out. I've been able to appear on some cool podcasts and some really nice people have reached out to me to say that they liked Giallo Meltdown. I've also had some really stellar reviews from some very nice folks! These kinds of things mean the world to me.

As for negative criticism, there's been only three things so far. The first one that really embarrassed me was the first bunch of copies went out with a ton of typos. I stupidly got too excited and released the book within days of getting my proof copy. Wow, yeah. Huge mistake. I revised the book and quietly re-released it. Now the only version available out there is in 120% better shape. What can I say? Rookie mistake!

The second thing that happened is that one reviewer took me to task for spoiling the films. I never reveal the killer or the ending of the movie in the book but someone still got mad because I revealed too much about the plot of The Crimes of the Black Cat. All I can say is "Sorry, man." It never occurred to me that revealing the killer's modus operandi would be a huge spoiler. I guess I'll have a disclaimer at the beginning of part 2 to watch the movies before you read about them in the book!

Lastly, two people had a problem with the cover. They both said I should have used a more familiar giallo movie poster so that the book would sell better. To that I say, "No shit, Sherlock." I like giallo posters and all but I wanted something on the cover that reflected the personality of the book. My wife LeEtta, who drew the fabulous art for Giallo Meltdown (and tons of other stuff for me over the years), was there for all these moviethons and she knows what I like. Plus, she's amazing. Why would I want a poster of Bird with the Crystal Plumage or Torso or frickin' Who Saw Her Die? on the cover? I prefer originality.

And you know what? There are a couple of references to gialli in that book cover! I sent her some reference material and asked for a very specific look to the straight razor on the cover. Does it look familiar to you, giallo fans? It should! So to the haters, don't worry, I will continue using LeEtta's awesome art for all of my projects. Deal with it.

So anyway, the planning of the next volume of the book has almost reached its end. Let me tell you a little more about it. As you may or may not know about me, I'm very liberal with what is and isn't a giallo. What I want to explore in the second volume are threefold: key giallo titles that I missed in the first book (New York Ripper, The Stendhal Syndrome, etc.), films that inspired the giallo (Psycho, Blow Up, etc.), and films that were clearly inspired by the giallo (Friday the 13th, Berberian Sound Studio, The Editor, etc.).

Though I tried to make it clear with the first Giallo Meltdown, this is a book from a fan and not a scholar. I want to talk about this up front so people don't pick up my book thinking that I'm the guy whose gonna say in black and white, "this film is a giallo" and "this is NOT a giallo at all" with some authoritative posturing. I definitely want to have fun which has been my intention from the get-go. I want people to come with me on this journey no matter what ridiculous things get along along the way.

So let me just beat this to death right here. If you bought my book, thank you one million times over. If you're a Kindle subscriber and you got it for free, thank you too! If you killed a dude to steal his copy, why'd you do that? That's messed up, bro. But thank you! I've got some fun projects in the works (like the coming VERY soon Cinema Somnambulist book and another issue of Fang of Joy).

Monday, May 16, 2016

Films I Watched: April 2016

* indicated first viewing

April Fool's Day
Bubba Ho-Tep
The Beyond
The Abominable Dr. Phibes
Dr. Phibes Rises Again
Naked You Die
Persuasion (1995)
Murder Obsession
10 to Midnight
Alice in Wonderland (1951)
Out of the Dark (1995)
The Case of the Bloody Iris
God of Cookery
Gangster VIP*
Gangster VIP 2*
Goro the Assassin*
Black Dagger*
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Bride of Re-Animator
Pillow Talk
Love Come Back
Up in Arms
Secret of the Kells*
Phantom of the Ritz*
No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers*
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Wake Up and Kill*

Friday, May 13, 2016

Franco Friday #61 - El siniestro doctor Orloff (1984)

I keep thinking that the Franco Friday series is over. I know that I’ve only seen one quarter of Jess Franco’s films and there’s still greatness to be found if I keep scavenging. But honestly, I’m still fried from the last time I jumped in. And as usual, I have so many other fun things going on that this project seems like it might be officially dead. Then, out of the blue, I find ANOTHER Dr. Orloff film! Wait what? How did that happen? Well, gang, here I go again. Let’s see what old Orloff was up to in 1984.

El siniestro doctor Orloff
Directed by Jess Franco
Howard Vernon, Antonio Mayans, Rocío Freixas, Antonio Rebollo, Rafael Cayetano
77 minutes

Dr. Orloff’s son Alfred (Antonio Mayans) is pining over his lost love who also happens to be his dead mother Melissa. He keeps her body preserved so that he can revive her someday. Alfred needs the bodies of young and sexy women to make this terrible dream come to life so he sends his blind assistant Andros out to kidnap him some raw materials. Meanwhile, Inspector Tanner (Antonio Rebollo) is feeling the pressure as he hasn’t been able to crack the case yet. His lovely wife Muriel (Rocío Freixas) wants to help so she gets mixed up in all this craziness too. This should turn out great for all parties involved.

As I was watching The Sinister Dr. Orloff (not to be confused with one of my favorites, The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff), I thought to myself, "Could this be a nice throwback to his early 70s goodness?" The answer is yes. This kind of meandering pervy crap is exactly what I was hoping it would be. Not only are characters recycled from this storyline that Franco remade over and over again, the plot as well will be very familiar to fans of this disjointed series.

Antonio Mayans fans, rejoice! He is pretty frickin' great in this film. Alfred is a really, really pathetic male chauvinist psycho dickhead and his narration while he’s cruising the streets with his robotic manservant is as lame as it is hilarious. Howard Vernon is back as the original Dr. Orloff and he looks truly insane in this. His hair was styled during a nuclear bomb test and his character spends the movie in a wheelchair trying to talk Alfred out of his insane plans. Jess Franco himself plays a ridiculous gay stereotype who witnesses one of the abductions. Lina Romay does some voice work but unfortunately doesn’t play a character onscreen in this one. Rocío Freixas is very cute and all but she's clearly standing in for Romay. She even looks like she's borrowing Lina's blonde wig!

The Spanish seaside locale is beyond beautiful and there’s some very familiar looking architecture on display (see Countess Perverse). This gets predictably trashy as there’s plenty of utterly gorgeous female flesh on display but it only goes for extended onscreen sex once. Color me relieved. The real sleaziness happens when Alfred strangles one of his victims -who is EXTREMELY nude- to death and he seems to be really, really enjoying it.

The Sinister Dr. Orloff is a wonderful overdose of mad science, off kilter dialog, and jiggling boobies (and other body parts). It’s good but definitely not essential for Franco fans but there’s a whipping scene if you’re into that kind of thing. There's also endless shots of Andros carrying naked women over his shoulder which I think is a fetish as well. The synthesizer music at the beginning is very subtle like a supernova smoking crack. Come to think of it, all of the music in this film is pretty deranged; and surprise (not really), it’s all done by Franco under a pseudonym! My only major complaint about this one is that I really wish it was dubbed into English but I highly doubt this film got very much distribution beyond Spain.

“You can’t atomize the soul of a human being.”

Monday, April 25, 2016

Episode 100?

Wait what? How did this happen? Somehow we made it all this way and it is kinda blowing my mind. Have a listen!

Podomatic link

Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Vibe Episode Revisted

While trying to avoid using up our bandwidth at the Podomatic page as well as create new-old content, I put The Vibe episode on YouTube. Fans of Hello! This is the Doomed Show often cite episode 3 as one of their favorites and that really blows me away. I often neglect the old episodes just because Brad and I were so new to podcasting and we tended to record VERY LONG and the audio quality was pretty lousy. Not to mention we were still nervous as fudge. However, the passion behind this nearly 3 hour ep is impossible to deny and man oh man, we made some epic lists here. So check it out if you haven't before. Also, I typed up everything we talked about in case you don't want to listen! Bam. That's amazing. Thanks to me.

Stuff we talked about in Episode 3:

The Perfume of the Lady in Black
Lady Frankenstein
The House by the Cemetery
The Creeping Flesh
The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism
The Ghost
Murder Obsession
Lisa and the Devil
The Hanging Woman
The Devil's Wedding Night
Death Smiles at Murder
Tragic Ceremony
A Whisper in the Dark
Night of the Devils
Werewolf Woman
The Sect
Terror Creatures from the Grave
Eye in the Labyrinth
Liz & Helen
Crimes of the Black Cat
Death Carries a Cane
The Iguana with the Tongue of Fire
The Blood Stained Shadow
So Sweet, So Dead
The Dead are Alive
A Smile Before Death
So Sweet, So Perverse
Death Steps in the Dark
The Sweet Body of Deborah
Death Haunts Monica
Spirits of Death
Vampires' Night Orgy
Horror Express
A Candle for the Devil
The Abandoned
La Residencia AKA The House that Screamed
Who Can Kill a Child?
A Bell from Hell
Tombs of the Blind Dead
The Blood Spattered Bride
The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue
Vampyros Lesbos
Rites of Frankenstein
Night of the Skull
A Virgin Among the Living Dead
Eugenie de Sade
Bloody Moon
Kiss Me, Monster
Hunchback of the Morgue
Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll
Werewolf Shadow
Horror Rises from the Tomb
Night of the Werewolf
Human Beasts
Vengeance of the Mummy
Vengeance of the Zombies
Panic Beats
Dr. Jekyll vs. the Wolfman
The Swamp of the Ravens
Hammer horror movies:

Brides of Dracula
Blood from the Mummy's Tomb
Dracula has Risen from the Grave
Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter
Countess Dracula
Vampire Circus
Taste the Blood of Dracula

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Films I Watched - March 2016

* = first time viewing

Rawhead Rex*
King of Thorn*
The Singing Detective
Dracula 2000
Cemetery Man
Werewolf in a Girls' Dormitory
Hellboy II: The Golden Army
Alone in the Dark*
Sleeping Beauty
The Face with Two Left Feet*
Jennifer's Body
We're Still Here*
Streets of Fire
Violent Rome
Voices (1973)*
The Ninth Configuration*
Mother's Day (2010)*
The Dark Side of Midnight*
The Legend of Boggy Creek
The Evictors*
Drop Dead Gorgeous
She's All That
Drive Me Crazy
Get Over It
Josie and the Pussycats
Center Stage
10 Things I Hate About You
Cruel Intentions
Empire Records
Patema Inverted*
The Decoy Bride*
Kung Fu Trailers of Fury*
Cherry Falls
Disturbing Behavior
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Friday, March 25, 2016

My Voice Again

So Jeffrey and I recorded an episode of the podcast on Jess Franco's Faceless. It's no secret, we loved it. The episode has some great feedback in it too.

Check it out. Here, here, or here:

And my pal Tyler over at Apologize to the Podcast was kind enough to interview me on his show. We talk ALL KINDS OF MOVIES for a long time. It's just grand. Listen here for more me!

Wednesday, March 9, 2016

Films I Watched - February 2016

Spoiler: It's all sexy and romantic films!

Films marked with a * are first time viewings!

10 Things I Hate About You
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
Baba Yaga
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
The Crimson Cult*
Cut-Throats Nine*
The Dark Knight Rises
The Last Metro*
Murder Most Foul (1964)*
Moulin Rouge!*
Evangelion: 1.0 You Are (Not) Alone
Evangelion: 2.0 You Can (Not) Advance
Evangelion: 3.0 You Can (Not) Redo*
The 10th Victim*
The Martian*
Final Girl*
Luther the Geek*
Sheba, Baby*
La Dolce Vita*
Effie Gray*
Confessions of a Police Captain
Murder She Said (1961)*
Murder Ahoy (1964)*
Gambling City
Laughter in the Dark*
Iron Man
Iron Man 2
Captain America
Iron Man 3
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Thor: The Dark World
Girl Slaves of Morgana Le Fay*
8 1/2*
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Troll 2*
Avengers: Age of Ultron
A Letter to Momo*
Black Rose Mansion*

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Why I'm Messed Up: Laughter in the Dark

One day in the late 1990s, I was reading a book written by Vladimir Nabokov in 1932 called Laughter in the Dark. That isn't really special. If it was the late 1990s, I was either reading Henry Miller, Nabokov, or the wildly underrated Heinrich Böll. Anyway, as I got to the end of the book, I had a massive wave of déjà vu when the amazing climax started to unfold. Sometime as a kid, I had seen the film adaption of Laughter in the Dark on cable and that ending had been buried deep in my brain just waiting for me to remember it.

Years later, I found the listing for the film version of Laughter in the Dark that was directed by Tony Richardson and was released in 1969. Finding the film proved to be another matter entirely. Forget DVD, I couldn't even track down a damn VHS copy. Then I turned to my usual sites for a download. Nothing. Son of a bitch! Other than some lobby cards and a poster, I couldn't find the film.

Now here's where complaining online helps. (I've been an advocate of online complaining since the first time I did it back in 1998.) I blogged right here on this very blog about how I couldn't find Laughter in the Dark. Then, in the summer of last year, someone read my post and contacted me. It was Rand C. He offered to send me a copy of the film if I promised to review it. Of course, I said yes. What Rand didn't know is that when I'm really excited about a film, I put it off. And since I'd been looking for this film since the end of the last century, my excitement was so huge that I I didn't watch Laughter in the Dark for 6 months. What can I say? I'm quirky.

Nicol Williamson plays Sir Edward More, a wealthy art dealer who is bored with his family and work. One day, a female usher named Margot (Anna Karina) catches his eye at the cinema. He becomes obsessed with the beautiful young woman and attempts to woo her while using an assumed name. Margot reverse-stalks Edward once she catches sight of his fancy car and chauffeur. Edward was hoping for an easy lay but Margot has got plans for this fool. With a well-timed telegram and a three day sex binge, she destroys his marriage and invades his life.

Unfortunately for Edward, Margot proves to be impossible to please and she's quickly seduced by his colleague Herve (Jean-Claude Drouot), a much younger and more dashing fellow. Margot convinces Edward that Herve is gay and encourages him to include the rogue on their vacation in Spain. When he finally catches on to the affair, Edward goes ballistic and demands that she never see Herve again. While driving through some mountain roads, he and Margot's arguing causes a car accident that leaves Edward blind.

Margot and Herve concoct a scheme to bleed Edward dry while continuing their affair. She rents a remote villa with a secret room where Herve will live and where they can get it on at night. As weeks go by, the embezzlement of Edward's money continues as she has the poor bastard signing blank checks. Worse still, Herve begins to get stir crazy to keep their twisted game going and plays tricks on the blind man for amusement. The cruelty escalates and -don't worry, I won't spoil it!

Director Tony Richardson was no stranger to adapting literature for the big screen but there's two things working against him. 1. Vladimir Nabokov's characters are total dickheads and 2. Richard Burton was an alcoholic. Burton was fired for being too drunk to work and was replaced by Nicol Williamson after filming had began. Williamson, who's played everyone from Merlin to Hamlet to Sherlock frickin' Holmes is a fine actor and does a great job here. But man oh man, his character is hard to sympathize with, especially with the word "SUCKER" tattooed on his forehead like that.

Transplanting Nabokov's novel from 1930s Berlin and Switzerland to 1960s England and Spain is easy when you throw miniskirts, hippies, inflatable furniture, and cacti into the mix. Cinematographer Dick Bush (Tommy, Sorcerer) brings some serious talent to the table which makes the fact that this film hasn't landed on Blu-ray yet even more frustrating. I love the setting in the Spanish mountains in the latter bits of the film. I kept waiting for Paul Naschy to show up and wolf out.

I think the film would have been served better if Margot hadn't been such a blatantly manipulative jerkwad and been more sly and seductive to the viewer. Anna Karina is lovely but the moment she started whining, I wanted to shut the movie off. Edward too should have been more likable right out of the gate but if memory serves, the screenplay follows Nabokov's version of these characters pretty closely aside from making them British. But if all of the blame landed squarely on the handsome but devious Herve, it would hurt the film. These three assholes kind of deserve each other.

How does the old saying go? "A fool and his money are soon parted shortly before that fool is destroyed by the brazen malice of two psychopaths." Edward's treatment at the hands of Margot and especially Herve is heartbreaking. Even if you despise the guy for his simpering foolishness, you still root for him by the final reel.

Before we get to the finale, let me just talk about how Laughter in the Dark affected me. Right at the beginning of the film where Edward is at the cinema. The film that the packed house is viewing is never shown but the sounds of a woman in peril and gunfire can be heard through the theater. These sounds cause uproarious laughter in the audience and Edward looks rather disturbed for a moment. Then he lays eyes on Margot for the first time. This brilliant piece of foreshadowing is how I knew I was in for a treat even though it would be a painful one.

When this film ended the other day after seeing it for the first time after all those years, I was left with a profound sense of dread and a renewed fear of human beings. Though it's not as good as the book, I think Laughter in the Dark absolutely deserves to be seen by film fans and Nabokov fans alike. The ending is a real crackerjack of a scene that I won't spoil here since this film is still unavailable on home video and I'm hoping people will seek it out. It occurred to me that maybe I only caught the end of this one when I was a kid. But it's entirely possible that I saw this whole movie which explains why I'm so messed up.

Special thanks to Rand C. for hooking me up with this film!

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

A Bag (Or Sack) Of Reviews

My pal Scott of has been kind of enough to let me review some films over at his sexy site. You should read my contributions and then work your way through the rest of the amazing content over there.

Metamorphosis/Beyond Darkness

Over Your Dead Body

Nikkatsu Diamond Guys

Savage Weekend

Stray Cat Rock

Luther the Geek

Sheba, Baby

Monday, February 15, 2016

Three Times I Guestied

Because of my disturbing ego, I managed to convince three unsuspecting podcasts that I'd make a good guest on their shows. They were kind enough to invite me but really, it was me all along sending my psycho-egomaniacal thought waves. Please check out my appearances on The Podcast Under the Stairs, Good Movies for Bad People, and Uncommon Interests but I urge that you check dig on these shows and support them! They provide great content for your ears and everyone involved are super nice people.

The Podcast Under the Stairs #76 - Peanut Butter & Gialli

Good Movies for Bad People #10 - Hello! This is the Guest Show

Uncommon Interests #20.5 - Hello Doomed Show

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Dawn Of The Dead On The Big Screen

This happened five years ago. I guess I'm ready to talk about it now.

Before I start badmouthing Tampa Pitcher Show, let me just say that I do think it’s a cool place. Any old theater that still does The Rocky Horror Picture Show on a regular basis has something good going for it. My experience at their Dawn of the Dead screening was embarrassing and mostly terrible. You can probably write all of the following off as a weird old guy who should just the shut the hell up.

I read somewhere that there was going to be a screening of the original Dawn of the Dead (oh, there was a remake?) accompanied by zombie video games, zombie strippers (I didn’t expect this part to be true), and Mike Christopher AKA the Hare Krishna zombie from the 1978 film. I was really, really excited about this event. Seeing Dawn of the Dead -a movie that was hugely important to my development as a horror movie fan- on the big screen was paramount. Of course, I was headed for disaster.

Before we get to the screening, let me share this little story. My first encounter with this classic film was due to this stuttering kid at our school. Seemed like a nice enough chap so I would stand up for him when my loser classmates would make fun of his speech impediment. This kid was way into horror movies or so he professed and I was impressed as hell by his Dawn of the Dead t-shirt. It featured a person's exploding head.

When I asked this kid about what was going on with his t-shirt, he told me that in Dawn of the Dead there were all these zombies. Check! He then told me that the figure on his t-shirt was the king zombie. Um... wait a second. He related to me how bullets wouldn't stop this creature and that the heroes had to use a rocket launcher to destroy it. That's how its head exploded. Holy shit! I wish Dawn of the Dead had that in it! A couple of years later, when I finally watched Dawn of the Dead, I remembered that kid and just felt kind of stupid. In order to make up for his stuttering, he was just a bold faced liar who’d probably never even seen the dang film.

Okay, back to 2010. It was a Saturday night in early January and it was a friggin’ cold night in Tampa. I know what you’re saying, Florida gets cold? It does and when it does, us thin-blooded Floridians are screwed. Lows in the 30s might be nothing to a lot of people but it feels like the end of the world to us keepin’ it real in the dong-shaped state. But more about that later.

I showed up too early to Tampa Pitcher Show due to my unbearable excitement. The ticket window was closed so I went inside. Sherlock Holmes (the one with Harry Connick Jr. and Rufus Sewell) was still playing on their only screen so I had to wait in the lobby for a while. I got something to eat and a soda. There were some teens playing zombie themed video games on televisions around. I didn’t know anybody so I just kind of watched people playing for a while. At some point, the ticket window was open so I went outside and got in line to pay admission.

Right in front of me in line were these two odd dudes. I’m pretty sure they were a couple and it was a May-December thing. The younger guy was skittish as shit and I swear he looked at me about 90 times before he urged his partner to look at me. His request was so urgent that when the older dude turned to look at me, he was immediately confused. He gave his boyfriend a glare as if to say, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’ Maybe the younger guy thought I was cute or especially ugly or I had piss stains on my pants, who knows?

When I got back inside, Sherlock Holmes was still playing. The time for the event to start had already passed and one of the employees told me that the previous film had started late. For the next half hour, I sat and watched people playing video games some more. People started showing up dressed as zombie hunters with Nerf guns and plastic swords. I attempted to talk to some folks but I got the cold shoulder. Something was just wrong.

Finally, the auditorium emptied out and I got to go inside. A wave of nostalgia hit me like a ton of bricks. The cheap furniture and the garbage carpeting brought me back to every dollar theater I’d ever set foot in. I felt like I was right at home. Don’t worry, it didn’t last long. I marched right up front to a table, took off my jacket, and flopped down in a chair, giddy with excitement.

Someone rolled out a laptop and a projector and my heart sunk. No fucking way were they going to show Dawn of the Dead with a tiny little projector when they had this huge screen. The urge to bolt was immediately quelled when a bunch of unfunny zombie memes started showing up on the screen. Whew, I thought, that was a close call.

So while these terrible zero cultural farts are just rolling along through a Windows slide show of doom and my intelligence is being zapped from my brain, I notice that I’m sitting alone. Everyone at the theater except for me is sitting in the back. I’m the only person who appears to have arrived alone and the only one who doesn’t know everyone else. That’s when it hit me, I had stumbled into a clique-hole. The Rocky Horror kids wanted nothing to do with me! I was just some uncool dude who was crashing their party. Suddenly, I was very depressed and embarrassed for myself. My body felt as heavy as a stone while a steamroller of social anxiety crushed me down into the filthy carpet.

Then the show started. Some ghoulish rock music kicked in and the zombie strippers came out to strut their stuff. Wow, there really is truth in advertising! Girls in zombie makeup, fishnets, frilly panties, strategically placed electrical tape, and very little else started doing their act. It wasn’t just burlesque bouncing either, they actually had a victim whose guts they tore out. I had to applaud. This was good.

Once the strippers had done their bit, it was time for Mike Christopher to give a little speech. He seemed like a nice guy. He complained about how cold it was in Florida and that got a laugh. It would probably be 80 degrees in a few days. That’s what makes all of us psychotic around here. When he was done, I should have left. I’m telling you, my friends, I should have walked out the fucking door.

So the film starts. They were indeed using the laptop and the tiny projector. This resulted in Dawn of the Dead taking up less than 20% of the available screen. The debate in my mind went like this: Is this an actual print of the film? Hell no. How important is that to me? Moderately. Is this bigger than my TV at home? Yes. Then fine, I’ll stay.

Around this time, I noticed that I needed to put my jacket back on. Tampa Pitcher Show was probably trying to save money by not turning the heat on. The temperature inside the place was starting to plummet. I had a wool cap in the pocket of my jacket. I took that out and put it on. Then I zipped up my jacket. Then I had to put my hands in my pockets. Holy shit, I was cold. Really, really cold.

Then the ‘your virus detection software is out of date’ window popped up over George Romero’s classic with a loud ding that echoed through the theater. My jaw dropped. That’s right, whoever owned the laptop in question was a complete asshole who didn’t know his/her ass from a hole in the ground. I felt so stupid for sticking through this shit show that my urge to weep or start screeching at the top of my lungs in venomous rage was deflated. I just sat there and took it like a grownup, a thoroughly disappointed grownup.

When the film ended, I got up to leave with nothing in my heart but a feeling of profound foolishness and a love for Dawn of the Dead that no crappy night out (and no shite remake) can shake. It was freezing outside. I ran to the car and hopped in. As the heat failed and only cold air was blowing out, I started laughing. It was after 2 in the morning, I was cold as balls, and I’d just wasted 4 hours of my life. I drove home shivering and making a pact with myself to never return to Tampa Pitcher Show ever again.

So in the end, Dawn of the Dead still haunts me. The film is urgently important in my heart. Seeing it when I was 13 and seeing it at that abominable screening were the same. The setting didn't matter. I was creeped out and depressed by the film. Even when I was a kid, it made me morose and I loved it. I had never felt that way from a movie before. It made me listless and thoroughly freaked me out the more I thought about it. The world looked bent, distorted and yet somehow even more real afterward. This is what good horror movies do. Tampa Pitcher Show, leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you right now.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Films I Watched - January 2016

I haven't been tracking my films that I've watched for a long time. I thought it might be fun (for me) to get back into the habit.

Films marked with a * are first time viewings!

Here we go!

January 2016

Count Dracula (BBC)*
The Last Circus*
The Woman in the Window*
Godzilla 2000*
Big Trouble in Little China
The Amazing Spider-Man
Green Lantern
Over Your Dead Body*
The Lost Boys
Ex Machina*
When Marnie was There*
The Gift*
Zorro: The Gay Blade
Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown
Bon Voyage, Charlie Brown
Godzilla: Final Wars*
Godzilla (2014)
The Loreley's Grasp
The Runaways*
Withnail & I*
The Black Cat (1981)
Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key
The Church
Total Recall (2012)*
Yakuza Apocalypse*
Pump Up the Volume
The Dead Pit
Without Warning
Grease 2
The Guardians of the Galaxy
Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths
Gone Girl*
The Final Girls*
A Thousand Clowns
Voice without a Shadow*
Avengers: Age of Ultron
The Remains of the Day*
Satan's Children*
Seven Bloodstained Orchids
The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue
Terror (1978)
Red Pier*
The Rambling Guitarist*
Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains

That's it! I wonder what I'll watch in February.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Nude Episodes Of The Podcast!

Sometimes we podcast. Okay, not sometimes! Check out the newness right here.

Do you like oldies? I do too! Visit the archives for the old Shirley.

In related news, I was also lucky enough to be asked to guest host on the mighty The Podcast Under the Stairs. Duncan is a rad dude. He and I talked about Lucio Fulci's The Black Cat and Sergio Martino's Your Vice is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key. Check out that fine episode with me right here.

Friday, January 29, 2016

Franco Friday #60 - Shane's Franco Marathon!

I like Shane Migliavacca. He's a rad duder. Check out his blog right now! Just when you thought that the Franco Friday series was dead, Shane swoops in and saves the day. He watched 12 films by Old Jess and documented his journey. Check it out and then check out his blog again because like I previously stated, he's a rad duder. -Richard

The crazy world of Jess Franco. Really there's nothing like it. His movies are filled with beautiful women, weird dialogue and lots of smooth jazz. I wandered into the world of Franco back in the '90's. First place I remember hearing about him was in Fangoria magazine. But I hadn't seen any of his movies. Back then I'd get together with some of my friends and we'd rent a bunch of crazy ass films on VHS. On one of these movie nights I rented Oasis of The Zombies. That was a mistake. We hated it. The tape was grainy, the zombies kind of sucked and not much happens in the movie. This was the first time I saw one of his films. I'm surprised it wasn't the last. Jump ahead to the early 2000's.

Thanks to the magic of DVD I was getting to experience movies I'd been only able to read about. Mondo Macabro released Franco's Diabolical Doctor 'Z'. On a whim I picked it up. I loved the film's crazy mad science and great visuals. Ever since then the amount of Jess Franco films in my collection has been growing. I'd been hoping to do a marathon of his movies when the time was right. This year my collection finally got to the point where I felt I had a nice selection. What follows is my three day descent into a mad free form Jess Franco jazz nightmare.

Day 1

1) Marquis de Sade's Justine (1969)

We get some kooky Klaus Kinski interludes as Marquis de Sade himself. Romina Power's acting is stiff as a board but she's nice on the eyes. Her big hat isn't though. Justine bounces around from one sleazy character to the next. Almost all of them trying to tempt her to the darkside. There's one hunky dude she meets that seems okay. When Jack Palance shows up this movie goes into crazy overdrive. Film meanders quite a bit. There's a few slow spots in Justine's journy. It's really great looking. And there's plenty of over the top characters to keep your interest from totally waning.

2) The Awful Dr. Orlof (1962)

Things start a little slow but then Morpho shows up and all is right with the world. Well, except for the Inspector character. He just sucks! Worlds worst detective. Just open your girlfriend's damn note already and solve the case man! This is Franco doing classic monster movies. I like it. Seen this film several times. I grow to enjoy it more each time. If your smart and not me this should be your gateway film into Franco land.

3) Golden Temple Amazons (1986)

From the directors Alain Payet and an uncredited Jess Franco comes a film full of bewbies. Lots and lots of bewbies. There's also some real manly dude with a beard. Did I mention bewbies? The film is set in Africa but all the Amazons are all tall blonde women. Go figure. Somebody went crazy with the nature footage here. Also bewbies.

4) Diamonds of Kilimandjaro (1983)

I don't know why they spelled it like that. Another Franco co-directed jungle pic. Hilariously atrocious dubbing in this sucker. The same manly beard guy is in this one too. You sir are great. There's some diamond plot but really who cares? It's all about how godawful this film is. Too bad there's some stock footage animal killing thrown in. Not cool.

5) Bloody Moon (1981)

Bloody Moon, where have you been? How come we didn't meet sooner? This film is so '80's and I love it. Oh that funky score is amazing! The old woman in this film is one bitter bitch. Shut up old lady. This is one hot language school. Full of '80's babes. Everybody's pants are high and everything is bedazzled. The character of Paco is so over the top and wrong. You have to see him eating or driving. It's amazing to behold. There's sadly some snake violence on display here. The kills are fairly bloody. Also there's full moon breast baring.

Day 2

6) Jack the Ripper (1976)

The amazing Klaus Kinski ladies and germs! He's back to kick off day two! This is Dr. Orloff sans Morpho. Could have used him here. Oh puss close ups are never cool. Lina Romay singing is hilarious. It's a highlight of the film which is otherwise kind of depressing. This was my second ever Jess Franco film. I remember renting it on VHS expecting a slasher. So there's some nostalgia here for me.It's historically inaccurate as far as Jack the Ripper films go. So don't expect facts Jack.

7) Ilsa, the Wicked Warden (1977)

This movie needs to come with a built in shower. The sleaze oozes from the screen. It's nicely filmed sleaze though. The story concerns a missing woman and her not to bright sister. The sister gets herself intentionally sent to to a jungle prison in search of her missing sibling. You have to admire Lina Romay. She didn't mind getting naked.

8) Eugenie (1970)

This movie is tripping balls. Bruno Nicolai's score is excellent. Did anybody tell Chris Lee what was going on? Or did he just wander onto the set? God bless Jess Franco for letting Paul Muller make out with hot chicks. The evil brother dude is really giving that rocking chair a workout. Calm it down man. Man that ending is a real twisty kick in the teeth. It's very Game of Thrones with all the double crossing and murder. Really enjoyed the heck out of this one.

Day 3

9) Kiss Me Monster (1969)

This here is one of my favorite Franco flicks. It's just pure campy, crazy fun. A real groovy Eurospy spoof. Leads Janine Reynaud & Rosanna Yanni appear to be having a blast. Sexy spies versus mad scientists with plenty of jazz thrown in. What's not to love here?

10) Oasis of the Zombies (1982)

Didn't get any better. There's long stretches of nothing going on. Perfect to doze off to. The best part of the film besides the zombie attacks is the flashback scene. Where we're treated to a really goofy battle between British and German during WWII. So how did the zombies from WWII get those mod '80's haircuts?

11) A Virgin Among the Living Dead (1973)

If I had to pick a favorite Franco film, Virgin would be in the running. It's a beautiful haunting nightmare of a movie. There's another great Bruno Nicolai in this one. That Christina von Blanc is stunning. And it's great to see the always reliable Howard Vernon. There's Paul Muller again. But he doesn't score any hot chick make out scenes in this one. The Queen of the Night is creepy as hell. That ending. Is it a dream? Some sort of weird time loop? Or are they in hell? What ever the case it's amazing.

12) Venus in Furs (1969)

It all starts in Istanbul not Constantinople. Franco's noir masterpiece. This is another one that I pick for my favorite Franco film. Every shot is amazing. The beatnik dialogue can be kind of goofy at times. But it adds to the film's charm for me. Good old Klaus makes another appearance in the marathon. The film is surreal as hell. You'd think maybe it would meander. But it never does. It moves along at a steady pace. If there was one Franco film you should watch, it's this one.

So there you go. What a weird movie marathon. There where some bombs in there. I was honestly a little scared how this one would turn out. But it was a lot of fun. There was a dream like quality to the whole thing that made going back to the real world kind of sad. There's so many Franco films I have yet to see. I'd love to do another one some day.

-Shane Migliavacca

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Fulci on the Big Screen!

In the fall of 2011, I saw on some website or other that Lucio Fulci’s Zombi 2 (1979) was going to be making the rounds at theaters around the country. This news flipped me the fuck out. The thought of seeing The Fulch on the big screen really had me chomping at the bit. The closest that Fulci’s classic was playing to LeEtta and I was in St. Petersburg at a place I didn’t even know existed called the Beach Theatre (now closed, apparently). It was our anniversary so we decided to take a couple days off and stay at a hotel near the theater as well as attend the screening.

We arrived at the Beach Theatre about 5 hours early for the show just so I could scope the place out. I was a nervous wreck just expecting the whole night to be a disaster so this was the only way I could calm down with so long to wait for the movie. Then LeEtta found a little German restaurant that was completely empty save for us. The sole waitress was really confused by our presence and handed us the menus with much trepidation. We made her at ease once we started ordering some of the more traditional German items off the menu. The poor thing was probably hoping we’d bail after getting a look at the selections. We had a great time.

Even after eating our scrumptious meal, there was still a lot of time before the movie so we walked around St. Pete and hit up an ice cream store as it was closing. Outside the theater, I saw a guy in a horror movie t-shirt and started up a convo with him. He was a really nice guy and I feel kind of bad because I can’t recall his name. Sorry, duder. Message me!

When it was time for the film to start, we went in and I was a little bummed that the whole event wasn’t better attended. Don’t get me wrong, the Beach Theatre (which opened in 1940) couldn’t have held a massive crowd but only about half of the seats in the theater were filled. We picked our seats and we were immediately struck at what terrible shape they were in. The armrest between LeEtta and I broke off and she spent some time trying to put it back into place.

The moment that made me realize that the year was 2011 and not 1979 was when the movie started on the big screen but it was over a minute into the film. The projectionist tried to start the film over and that’s when the Blu-ray player’s menu flashed on the screen. My heart sunk. I guess you could call me naïve but I was pretty shocked that I was going to be seeing Zombi 2 from a goddamn Blu-ray and not on actual film. All bitching aside, the movie looked AMAZING on the big screen and this is one of the moments that convinced me to buy my first Blu-ray player.

The crowd was pretty sedate. No one dressed up like zombies and no one came in smoking pipes full of maggots or anything. There was one guy who showed up drunk with his lady friend. He was tall and lanky and made a big public display of affection for his poor companion as though someone there was questioning his sexuality. They served beer at the Beach Theatre and he was partaking.

When the big splinter to the eye scene happened, this loud goofus started cheering and drunkenly clapping. He was actually offended when he looked around and no one else was going along with him. It just wasn’t the crowd for that and I didn’t hold that against him. Before the end of this movie, he had to leave very quickly nearly falling over several times while his girlfriend ran alongside trying to steady him. I’m probably lucky that he didn’t puke or fall right on top of me.

When all is said and done, seeing Zombi 2 on a big screen with a modest-sized crowd was a huge deal even taking my minor complaints into account. Much like my lame Dawn of the Dead experience, the use of a DVD or Blu-ray for a film screening seemed like this huge letdown at first. But you know what? The power of the films I love transcend millennial disappointment. The miasma of horror that Fulci has shoved into the eye sockets of film audiences can be delivered by a laser very efficiently.

Here's my old (and 50 pounds heavier) vlog about the event.

Monday, January 4, 2016

H!TITDS #92 - Anthropophagus

Welcome to the 2016 version of Hello! This is the Doomed Show. It's completely different from the obviously inferior 2015 version. It might sound the same to your ears but judge not lest ye be judged! Okay, so we recorded some episodes, I edited them, and here are the results. There's more good stuff to come, folks! Thanks for sticking with us this long.


Get them archives all up in your ear, dawg.