Just A Look: Luz (2018)

 

Ranking the Silent Night, Deadly Night Franchise

To say that I'm very particular (or just peculiar) about any ranking of titles of any given slasher movie franchise is an understatement. So here we go, this is my list of the SNDN films from my mostest favoritest to my leastest favoritetest. I'm not going to bother with the plots because it's Christmas. So this is more "go go go" than "ho ho ho". And just for the record, I think Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974) by itself is better than this entire franchise. Boy oh boy, I'm glad I got that off of my chest.

1) Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989) 

Explaining the appeal of this sleepy and bizarre gem is difficult. Hell, explaining why it's my favorite of the entire franchise is next to impossible. But let's get give it a go. First, this has two cast members and an associate editor on "Twin Peaks", so I like pretending that this is an unofficial TP spinoff film. Second, you have one of the most unlikable final girls in the history of slasherdom in the form of a Jennifer Connelly lookalike. Third, you've got lots of pretentious dialogue, a weirdly indescribably tone, and lots of stupid bullshit filler. And finally, this is from Monte Hellman, director of Two-Lane Blacktop (1971) of all people, giving it his all on a micro-budget.

2) Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

Now this is how you make a sequel. Get a filmmaker (Brian frickin' Yuzna) who clearly isn't interested in making a carbon copy of the first film. I suspect that Yuzna had a ton of crazy ideas he wanted to double down on just in case he never got a chance to make them come alive for a standalone, non-franchise related film. Boom! Instant classic. This has lots of body horror -by Screaming Mad George and company- and an epic performance from Clint Howard. I love movies that try too hard and this is certainly one of them. For my money, this is the best of the franchise, even though it's not my favorite.

3) Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker

In case you thought that part 4 was the most demented and wacky that this franchise could get, then you need to see this one. Mickey Rooney doing his gruff psycho grandpa bit is worth the price of admission alone. But then you have a deranged Pinocchio running around looking for a mommy/wife PLUS a subplot of killer toys. Screaming Mad George and Brian Yuzna are back too (albeit in a lesser capacity). And once again, the tone is all over the place. Come on, people! This is pretty fantastic.

4) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Finally, we get to the original film. I've always enjoyed this mean little film, so I was kind of reluctant to check out any of the sequels for a very long time. Yeah, I don't know why I did that either. Don't let how low this one is on the list mean it's any less loved by me. But as much as I cherish the original SNDN, it's the springboard that makes parts 3 through 5 that much stranger and all the more glorious. Not sure what else to say about this other than I'll see you ON THE WARM SIDE OF THE DOOR! 

5) Silent Night (2012) 

Okay, this remake is way better than it has any right to be. I don't love the MORE EXTREME THAN THE ORIGINAL vibe they were going for, but this one is heckin' entertaining. Luckily, this has a great and grounded lead character (and a few charming side characters) to keep it from having the one flaw that always drives me nuts with Black X-mas (2006). Don't worry, I love Black X-mas but everyone in it is pretty much a dickhead or just not memorable. This should've been called Cynical Night or Cynent Night or something? Recommended if you need a trashy stocking stuffer.

6) Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

The disappointment I feel when I think about this film is too much for me to bear. If this has been a short film just about good old "Garbage day!" Ricky himself, I would love it. Instead, this film is stuffed like a Christmas goose with 75% (or more) footage from the original film. One of my single greatest pet peeves in genre film is clip show movies. I hate them. I've heard people say "But this has Ricky AND you don't have to watch the first film because all the good stuff is in this one!" That's nice. I won't say they're wrong because they're not. Who cares? It's just a movie! Instead, I'll just say Merry freakin' Christmas. Or maybe I won't. 

The Moviethon Vlog 45

My Horror Shelfie 20

Films I Watched: November 2021

* means a First Time Watch.

First Love (2019)*
The Wraith (1986)*
Jacob's Wife (2021)*
Night Teeth (2021)*
Dune (2021)*
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Cure (1997)*
Goke: Bodysnatcher from Hell (1968)
The Sparks Brothers (2021)*
The Horror of Party Beach (1964)*
Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings (2021)*
The Chinese Boxer (1970)*
Ticks (1993)*
Elvira's Haunted Hills (2001)
Nothing Underneath (1985)
Too Beautiful to Die (1988)
The Laughing Dead (1989)*
Miles Davis: The Birth of the Cool (2019)*
Shock Treatment (1981)
Body Count (1986)*
Bloody Moon (1981)
Night School (1981)
Pieces (1982)
Madhouse (1981)
Happy Birthday to Me (1981)
Double Exposure (1982)*
Stagefright (1987)
American Nightmare (1983)*
Absurd (1981)
Schizoid (1980)*
Edge of the Axe (1988)
Nightmares in a Damaged Brain (1981)*
Addams Family Values (1993)
Creep (2014)*
Turkey Hollow (2015)
The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982)
Blood Rage (1984)
White Christmas (1954)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Black Friday (2021)*
Christmas Evil (1980)
Silent Rage (1982)
A Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
Black Christmas (1974)
1974: La posesión de Altair (2016)*
The Collingswood Story (2002)*

Total Films Watched: 47
Total First Time Watches: 22

Films I Watched: October 2021

*means a first time watch.

So Sweet, So Dead (1972)
Death Carries a Cane (1973)
Bewitched (1995)
Hack-O-Lantern (1988)
Halloween II (1981)
The Pedal Movie (2021)*
Night of the Demons (1988)
Practical Magic (1998)
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019)
She-Freak (1967)*
Blades (1988)
Midnight (1982)
Angel (1983)*
Shallow Grave (1987)*
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)
The Fourth Victim (1971)
Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)*
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)*
Attack of the Demons (2019)*
The Girl on the Broomstick (1972)*
Death Screams (1982)*
The House on Haunted Hill (1959)
Halloween Kills (2021)*
Lady of the Manor (2021)*
Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)
Tough Guys Don't Dance (1987)*
Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers - Producer's Cut (1995)
The Midnight House (1985)
Resurrection (1999)*
Coco (2017)*
The Crow (1994)
Sleepy Hollow (1999)
A Day of Judgement (1980)*
Bad Dreams (1988)*
ParaNorman (2012)
Halloween H20: 20 Years Later (1998)
Hellions (2015)*
All About Alice (1972)*
Freaky Farley (2007)
The Worst Witch (1986)
The Halloween Tree (1993)
The Hollow (2004)
Halloween (2007)
Halloween II (2009)
Night of the Demons 2 (1994)
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

Total Films Watched: 47

First Time Watches: 18

Films I Watched: September 2021

 

*means a first time watch.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
The Guest (2018)
Lemonade Mouth (2011)
Halloweentown (1998)
The Resurrected (1991)
Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge (2001)
Evil Dead (Unrated) (2012)
Love Ghost (2001)*
The Werewolf (1956)*
Inseminoid (1981)
Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Unearthly (1956)
Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
The Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
The Undying Monster (1942)*
Haunted Honeymoon (1986)
Batman: The Long Halloween (2021)*
Monster House (2007)*
When Michael Calls (1972)*
Symptoms (1974)
Hell Night (1981)
The Witches (1990)
My Mom's a Werewolf (1989)
Nightbooks (2021)*
The Norliss Tapes (1973)*
Ghostwatch (1992)*
The Creeping Flesh (1973)
Heavy Metal (1981)
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
Jack-O (1995)*
The Night Before Halloween (2016)*
Ginger Snaps (2000)
Nosferatu in Venice (1988)*
The Godsend (1980)*
Elvira, Mistress of the Dark (1988)
Fear Street: Part Three - 1666 (2021)*
The Fear Resurrection (1999)
Trick'r Treat (2007)

Total Films Watched: 37

First Time Watches: 14

Giallo Meltdown: Slashing Back To You

  

I'm back in the world of what some people refer to as "writing a book". To keep folks (hopefully) excited about the second volume of Giallo Meltdown, I have shared the latest chapter right here. There's few things I enjoy more than wandering around that twilight world where the giallo and the slasher meet. Italian and Spanish filmmakers fresh from the giallo craze making slashers and American filmmakers making slashers that might as well be gialli. It gives me goosebumps in my unmentionable though non-physical areas. I hope you enjoy this installment as it will be the ninth chapter of Giallo Meltdown 2. Will the book be 13 chapters or more? Maybe!

P.S. The title of this chapter is a little nod to this classic.

Films I Watched: August 2021

 * means a first time watch.

Giallo alla regola (1988) *
I due gattoni a nove code... e mezza ad Amsterdam (1972) *
Mania (1974)*
Ciak si muore (1974)*
Shadows Unseen (1972)*
The Sunday Woman (1975)*
Fear Street: Part One - 1994 (2021)*
The Compleat Al (1985)*
Woodstock 99: Peace Love and Rage (2021)*
Altered States (1980)*
Personal Shopper (2016)*
The Suicide Squad (2921)*
The Highwaymen (2019)*
Treasure of the Ninja (1987)*
Venus of Ille (1981)*
The Crimes of the Black Cat (1972)
Who Saw Her Die? (1972)
Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)
Cast a Deadly Spell (1991)
Lesson of the Evil (2012)*
Real Genius (1985)
PCU (1994)
Sky High (2005)
Heathers (1988)
Grease (1978)
Jennifer's Body (2009)
Gundam I (1981)*
Jawbreaker (1999)
Grease 2 (1982)
Werewolf of London (1935)*
Happy Halloween, Scooby Doo (2020)*
She-Wolf of London (1946)*
Vampyr (1932)*
Alien (1979)
Ninja III: The Domination (1984)*
Mad Monster Party? (1967)
Fear Street: Part Two - 1978 (2021)*
Once Bitten (1985)

Total Films Watched: 39

First Time Watches: 23

My Horror Shelfie 19

 

My Horror Shelfie 18

 

The Slow Wizard Halloween Special

Recently I talked about how I've started a new YouTube channel for my music projects called The Slow Wizard. For the first ever Halloween Special, I filmed me twiddling some knobs! How is that different from any other episode of The Slow Wizard? That's a fair question! This time I used my Rob Zombie's Halloween II flag as a tablecloth. I can hear your oohs and ahs echoing from your caverns right now. I attempted to make these particular sounds to spookier than normal. Hopefully, I was successful! Before I go I just want to thank all of you who are still following this old blog. You are all amazing folks. Talk to ya later!

Shock Cinema Magazine

Check out Shock Cinema Magazine right here.

The Slow Wizard

Hi there, pals. I have started a new YouTube channel called The Slow Wizard. It's dedicated to my strange sound ventures. A little bit of background: I've been collecting guitar pedals and music gear for many years now and I thought that I needed a new venue to present my tinkering with such things. I'd be honored if you'd check it out and consider subscribing. While it's not exactly movie related, these sounds are directly inspired by the horror and cult film soundtracks I love so much. Season 1 of The Slow Wizard will focus more on guitar playing and guitar pedals while Season 2 will be all about them synths. Anyway, here's the first episode:

My Horror Shelfie 17

Films I Watched: July 2021

*means a first time watch.

Spider Labyrinth (1988)
Poison Ivy (1985)*
Jaws (1975)
The Music Man (1962)
I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997)
Evilspeak (1981)
The Day of the Beast (1995)*
Mandy (2018)
Irezumi (1966)*
The Stylist (2020)*
Tuff Turf (1985)*
Jack's Back (1988)*
Black Widow (2021)*
Syngenor (1990)*
Basket Case 2 (1990)*
The Girl in the Photographs (2015)*
The Owners (2020)*
Mindwarp (1992)*
Brainscan (1994)*
Maverick (1994)*
Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight (1995)
Splinter (2008)*
The Unnameable (1988)
The Dead Zone (1983)
Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
White Christmas (1954)
Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)
House of Wax (2005)
Noises Off! (1992)
Clue (1985)
The Last Blockbuster (2021)*
Satanik (1968)*
Colpo Rovente (1970)*
Kill the Poker Player (1972)*
Il gatto (1977)*
Dead of Summer (1970)*
Without Knowing Anything About Her (1969)*
Who Wants to Kill Sara? (1992)*
Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Total Films Watched: 39
First Time Watches: 23

Films I Watched: June 2021

 * means a first time watch!

Vibes (1988)
The Rite (2011)*
Halloween: Resurrection (2002)
Things (1989)*
Spookies (1986)*
Night of Terror (1986)*
Secret Admirer (1985)*
Cruella (2021)*
The Devil's Carnival (2012)*
Alleluia! The Devil's Carnival (2015)*
Deadly Friend (1986)
Dead & Buried (1981)
X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
One Crazy Summer (1986)
Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown (1977)
Hiruko the Goblin (1991)
The Burbs (1989)
Hausu (1977)
The Lost Boys (1987)
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Summer School (1987)
Tales from the Quadead Zone (1987)*
Cast a Deadly Spell (1991)
Holy Flame of the Martial World (1983)
Encounters of the Spooky Kind (1980)
The Hanging Woman AKA Orgy of the Living Dead (1973)
Naked Girl Murdered in the Park (1972)
Cathy's Curse (1977)*
The Horror Show (1989)*
The Invisible Man (2020)*
Censor (2021)*

Total Films Watched: 31
First Time Watches: 13

10 Years Of Hello! This Is The Doomed Show

According to the way time works, the podcast I started with my pal Brad where we cover Euro-horror, giallo, slashers, and cult films has reached its tenth birthday. Please check out our special 10 Years of Doomed Show episode. It's pretty much a recording of our voices! I can't believe we've made it this far. I owe a debt I cannot ever hope to repay to the other co-hosts Nafa (RIP), Jeffrey, and Simon for wasting so many hours of their lives with me. And a hugely big heartfelt thank you from my heart to the listeners of Hello! This is the Doomed Show. Y'all are the absolute best.

Films I Watched: May 2021

* means a First Time Watch!

Mark of the Witch (1970)*
Curse of the Devil (1973)
Return to Horror High (1987)*
The Forest (1983)*
Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker (1981)*
Batman: Gotham by Gaslight (2018)*
Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)*
The Witches (2020)*
Love Me Deadly (1973)*
Scream (1981)*
The House by the Cemetery (1981)
White Sands (1992)*
Frankenhooker (1990)
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
Sin City (2005)
Basket Case (1982)*
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
He Lives by Night (1982)*
Eaten Alive (1976)
Deadly Manor (1990)*
Rest in Pieces (1987)*
Calendar Girl Murders (1984)*
I'm Dangerous Tonight (1990)*
All-American Murder (1991)*
Love After Death (1968)*
The Good, the Bad, and the Beautiful (1970)*
Dark City (1998)
The Hunt (2020)*
Spider-Man 2 (2004)
The Spirit (2008)
Tourist Trap (1979)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (1987)
The Mitchells vs. The Machines (2021)*
Maniac Cop 2 (1990)*
The Deadly Triangle (1973)*
El spectro del terror (1973)*
Emma, puertas oscuras (1974)
Night of the Skull (1974)
The Killer is Not Alone (1975)*
Tarot AKA Game of Murder (1973)*
Don't Go in the Woods (1981)
El comisario G. en el caso del cabaret (1975)*
Cerco de terror (1972)*
Julia's Eyes (2010)*
The House on the Outskirts (1980)
Two Males for Alexa (1971)*
The Killer of Dolls (1975)

Total Films Watched: 47

First Time Watches: 30

My Horror Shelfie #16

Review Roundup!

Howdy, y'all. I hope you are doing well, my friends. In a brazen attempt to make the bloggin' happen, here are some recent-ish reviews I've done for my favorite site EuroCultAV.com. All of these releases are pretty freakin' amazing. And who knows? Maybe some of these slipped under or over your radar. So please take care and check out my worldlings!

Treasure of the Ninja

Devil's Advocates: Daughters of Darkness

House of Wax

The Dead Zone

The Stylist

Irezumi

All-American Murder 

Love After Death 

The Fear 

Rush Week 

Last Gasp

The Brides of Dracula 

The Beast Must Die 

Demonia 

The Caller 

Pandemonium

Aenigma

Mikey

Fulci for Fake

Films I Watched: April 2021

* means a first time watch!

The Child's Eye (2010)*
A Time Slip of 10000 Years: Prime Rose (1983)*
Zodiac (200)
Train to Busan: Peninsula (2020)*
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Easter Parade (1948)*
The Being (1983)
Black Panther (2018)
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Captain Marvel (2019)
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018)
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019)
Ouija Shark (2020)*
Black Roses (1988)*
Last Gasp (1995)*
The Five Billion Dollar Legacy (1970)*
House of Terrors (1965)*
The Queen Bee AKA Nu wang feng (1973)*
Bloody Parrot (1981)*
Human Lanterns (1982)
The Butterfly Murders (1979)*
Raw Passions AKA Luo xie (1969)*
Dark Rendezvous AKA Ren tou ma (1969)*
The Red Panther (1983)*
Perfect Blue (1997)
Evil Dead Trap (1988)
Murder in the Dollhouse (1979)*
He Lives By Night (1982)*
Night Caller AKA Ping an ye (1985)*
Rush Week (1989)*
Mother's Day (1980)*
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)*
Dracula 3D (2012)
Persuasion (1995)
Pride and Prejudice (1995)
The Fear (1995)*
Class of 1984 (1982)*
Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009)*
Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010)*
Batman: Bad Blood (2016)*
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
Zack Snyder's Justice League (2021)*
Audition (1999)
Bride of Re-Animator (1990)

Films Watched: 45
First Time Watches: 26

My Horror Shelfie #15

 

Films I Watched: March 2021

An asterisk means a first time watch.

Candyman: Farewell to the Flesh (1995)*
Cutting Class (1989)*
The Eye 3 (2005)*
Tammy and the T-Rex (1994)*
Look Out, Officer! (1990)*
Pacific Rim (2013)
Escape from New York (1981)
Best in Show (2000)
Minority Report (2002)
Elysium (2013)
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
Thor (2011)
The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973)
The Neon Demon (2016)*
Knives Out (2019)
All for the Winner (1990)*
Tenet (2020)*
Nightbeast (1982)*
Don't Panic (1988)*
Leprechaun (1993)*
Iron Man (2008)
The Avengers (2012)
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Transylvania 6-5000 (1985)
Saturday the 14th (1981)
Ant-Man (2015)
Brainiac: Transmissions After Zero (2019)*
Outrage (2010)
Beyond Outrage (2012)*
Outrage Coda (2017)*
Nightmare Weekend (1986)
Doctor Strange (2016)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Silent Madness (1984)*
Island of Blood (1982)*
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)

Total Films Watched: 39
First Time Watches: 16

Melting Lumberjack

Sometimes people make sounds.This is a fact of life. And sometimes they see a movie depicting an alien abduction and never feel safe again. My pals at Misanthropic Syndicate have let yours truly outwardly stimulate the less than musical ideas I have packed into my head for what I call Melting Lumberjack. But that's just the title track of this miasma of weird. There's a lot of strange inhabiting this oddness. And I am inviting you to partake.

I've been working on this album in earnest for several months now but the title and many of the layers of sounds I use on it were recorded shortly before the pandemic and got shelved so that I could work on other things. I'm really proud of this weird little album and I'm especially grateful to my wife LeEtta for making the cover artwork. Please take a moment to check out her site. It's freakin' cool.

Bonus: There are some dialogue samples from films in Melting Lumberjack from titles like The House by the Cemetery, Don't Look in the Attic, and Grease 2, to name a few.

You can stream or download Melting Lumberjack right here.

Or just check out the teaser trailer:

My Horror Shelfie #14

Three Films By Oz Perkins

 

The Bond Women Are Not Girls

Sometime between that magical time between the alarm going off and me dragging myself out of bed this morning, I had a great idea for a moviethon that I'll never do and I wanted to share it with you! It's called The Bond Women Are Not Girls Moviethon and I hope that it excites you so much that you go and do this moviethon yourself (and tell me how it went). Now before you just jump into this thing without a British condom on, let's establish some criteria before total chaos ensues and your life becomes a ruined mess.

Keep in mind that James Bond has had so many erotic encounters with ladies (and men) that this list would be impossibly long, and a comprehensive moviethon would be mostly insane and/or kinda impossible. So I'm pulling from the 24 actresses from this list of "official" Bond Girls to find the titles I'm going to be selecting. (Yes, I had to cheat a little to get Barbara Bouchet in there.) You can grab films from the careers of as many or as few of these amazing women as you like to make up your playlist. Here's what I would watch for this one:

Actress 1: Ursula Andress AKA Honey Rider
Film 1: She (1965)

Actress 2: Honor Blackman AKA Pussy Galore
Film 2: The Cat and the Canary (1978)

Actress 3: Claudine Auger AKA Domino Derval
Actress 4: Barbara Bouchet AKA Moneypenny
Actress 5: Barbara Bach AKA Anya Amasova
Film 3: Black Belly of the Tarantula (1971)  

Actress 6: Mie Hama AKA Kissy Suzuki
Film 4: King Kong Escapes (1967)

Actress 7: Diana Rigg AKA Teresa Draco
Film 5: Theater of Blood (1971)

Actress 8: Jill St. John AKA Tiffany Case
Film 6: The Lost World (1960)

Actress 9: Britt Ekland AKA Mary Goodnight
Film 7: Moon in Scorpio (1987)

Actress 10: Maud Adams AKA Octopussy
Film 8: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)

Actress 11: Grace Jones AKA May Day
Film 9: Vamp (1986)

Actress 12: Carey Lowell AKA Pam Bouvier
Film 10: The Guardian (1990)

And that's it. I could keep going but I think ten films is enough to keep one busy through a weekend-long movie bingeing extravaganza. I'm not a fan of the James Bond franchise, so this looks a lot more appealing to me than watching Dr. No (1962) ten times in a row. Let me know what your playlist for your own Bond women moviethon would be!

Asian Giallo Weekend, Bruh

 

I did a deep dive into Hong Kong and Japanese giallo movies this weekend and I may have overdone it. I watched 14 films between Friday and Sunday. Woops! By the end of Sunday evening, I felt like I was going to puke but I did not, in fact, puke. Other than some confusing subtitles and bootleg shenanigans, my wife and I really had a great time. So, here's a short breakdown if you're looking to track down the films I watched.

 

The two films that had the most giallo goodness packed within them were Raw Passions (1969), which felt exactly like a late 60s Italian "everyone is blackmailing someone" movie with a black-gloved killer, and the other was Night Caller (1985). Night Caller is a wildly convoluted freak-fest that has all the imagery (the getup of the killer in particular), ludicrous plot twists, and tropes (fashion models!) of something akin to Nothing Underneath (1985).

Honorable mentions for their spicy giallo-ness:
He Lives By Night (1982)
The Red Panther (1983)
Murder in the Dollhouse (1979)

 

Films with some mild to moderate giallo sensations:
The 5 Billion Dollar Legacy (1970)
House of Terrors (1965)
The Queen Bee (1973)
Dark Rendezvous (1969)
Evil Dead Trap (1988)
Perfect Blue (1997)

And finally, a trilogy of murder-mystery kung-fu films who were legit whodunits but didn't give me the giallo vibe per se:
Bloody Parrot (1981)
The Butterfly Murders (1979)
Human Lanterns (1982)

 

You'll get to read about all of this marvelous moviethon experience and how much I enjoyed or didn't enjoy the films once I finish Giallo Meltdown volume 2. This was the 6th chapter, so I guess you could say that I'm actually writing the book. It's all true! 

Saturday the 14th (1981)

Directed by Howard R. Cohen

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I watched Saturday the 14th and it's always stuck with me. My guess was that this was during those early days of my family's flirtatious relationship with cable TV before renting movies took over our lives. I remembered this film very fondly, so I'm not really sure what took me so long to get back to it. So let's fast forward to 2021 and my first viewing of this very odd comedy since my younger days to see what's up.  

The Hyatt family inherits a creepy and supposedly cursed old house from a distant relative, who hated them! This angers a pair of daylight vampires (Jeffrey Tambor and Nancy Lee Andrews) who were just about to purchase that very house from a realtor. They've been searching for this domicile for hundreds of years, because there's a powerful magical book inside it. Young Billy Hyatt finds the book and immediately starts flipping through it. As he does, pictures of monsters contained within its pages begin to disappear as the creatures come to life around him.

Billy's sister Debbie (Kari Michaelsen) is menaced by a dime store version of The Creature from the Black Lagoon in the bath. His mother Mary (Paula Prentiss) is bitten by a vampire bat and starts acting rather strangely. And his dad John (Richard Benjamin) is... well, he's just confused. They call for an exterminator to get rid of the bats but an exorcist named Van Helsing (Severn Darden) shows up instead. He tells them that the book, which has gone missing, will destroy the world if they don't find it soon and encourages them to combat the evil forces by throwing a party. Sure, why not?

Richard Benjamin is my spirit animal. Maybe it's a thing with Richards but I can't think of a single movie where he wasn't playing a total asshole. That is a very relatable trait for me in any actor. Benjamin appears to either not know what is going on from scene to scene or is just not committed to even trying. Funny how he retired from acting after this film. Whatever the case, I dig it. Surprising literally no one who's seen anything she's done before, Paula Prentiss steals every single shot she's in. She's great from the get go and she just makes me smile from ear to ear. After she's bitten by the vampire and runs around like a gothic wraith in her white, billowy nightgown, I'm completely smitten. 

My good friend Nafa once told me that the bathtub scene where Debbie is menaced by the faux fishman was his sexual awakening and it's easy to see why. The camera lingers on her getting undressed getting into the bath a long time and I can see a young Nafa of 11 or 12 years old losing his mind over it. Thankfully, Kari Michaelsen was only acting younger in this and was actually around 19 or so when they filmed this movie. It's still creepy but yeah, slightly less terrible than if she'd been underage. Moving on.

I decided to go the cheap route and watch Saturday the 14th on Prime instead of picking up the Blu-ray, just in case things didn't go well with this rewatch. Of course, because Amazon cares so much about movies, they have the old pan and scan, cropped, whatever version and not the lovingly restored widescreen via Shout! Factory. So I got the added bonus of recreating my initial cable TV viewing of the film (AKA The Claustrophobic Cut). I'm not even joking when I say that this only added to my enjoyment of this rewatch.

My biggest takeaway from Saturday the 14th is how bizarre its tone is. Yes, it's a comedy parody of popular horror tropes but it doesn't feel like a Mel Brooks or Zucker Brothers film. Cohen's film has a unique style that is horrendous and delightful at the same time. It also feels like this film doesn't know what planet it's from. Richard Benjamin is especially good at not acting like a human being. If he had taken off his shirt and opened a panel on his chest to reveal that he was an android from Westworld (1973) the whole time, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised. Anyway, I'm so happy that I finally got back to this daft gem after over 35 years since my first viewing. I think I loved it.

"Mary, this ice is... old."

Films I Watched: February 2021

* means a first time watch.

Joker (2019)*
Urban Legend (1998)
The Witches of Eastwick (1987)
The Torturer (2005)*
Homicide in a Blue Light (1992)*
The Girl from Cortina (1994)*
The Strange Story of Olga O. (1995)*
The Room Next Door (1994)*
The Stendhal Syndrome (1996)
Mystère (1983)*
Bizarre AKA Profumo (1987)*
The Childhood Friend (1994)*
The Smile of the Fox (1992)*
Circle of Fear (1992)*
Blood Delirium (1988)*
The Hideout (2007)*
Gotcha! (1985)
Wild Witch (2018)*
Synchronic (2019)*
A Life in Waves (2017)*
Conny Plank: The Potential of Noise (2017)*
Valentine (2001)
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
Beyond the Black Rainbow (2010)
Cool World (1992)*
Birds of Prey (2020)*
Demonoid (1981)*
High Spirits (1988)
Lemonade Mouth (2011)
The Mad Monk (1993)*
Don't Look in the Attic (1982)
The Stuff (1985)
High Anxiety (1977)
Young Frankenstein (1974) 

Total Films Watched: 34
First Time Watches: 21

Films I Watched: January 2021

* means a First Time Watch

Graveyard Disturbance (1987)*
Obscene Desire (1978)*
Crawl (2019)*
Grease (1978)
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995)*
Gamera 2: Attack of Legion (1996)*
Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris (1999)*
Frankenstein '80 (1972)*
Weathering with You (2019)*
The Sword and the Stone (1963)*
The Hidden (1987)
The Hidden II (1993)*
Night of the Damned (1971)*
Redline (2009)*
Hiding Out (1987)*
The Vast of Night (2019)*
Shriek of the Mutilated (1974)*
Knife of Ice (1972)
My Dear Killer (1972)
Murder on the Orient Express (2017)*
The New Mutants (2020)*
Deyyam (1996)*
Devo: The Men Who Make the Music (1981)*
Stop Making Sense (1984)
Brain Dead (1990)*
Are You in the House Alone? (1978)*
Chris Claremont's X-Men (2018)*
Batman: Hush (2019)*
Troma's War (1988)*
Maniac Cop (1988)*
Hellmaster (1992)*
The Monster Club (1981)*
Flesh-Eating Mothers (1988)*
Ice Cream Man (1995)
Zappa (2020)*
Batman & Robin (1997)
Spider-Man (2002)
The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)
The Death and Return of Superman (2019)*
Panic (1982)
Psycho Goreman (2020)*
The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires (1974)*
Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (1974)
Green Lantern (2011)
Batman & Mr. Freeze: SubZero (1998)*

Total Films Watched: 45
First Time Watches: 33

Wednesday Ramble: Revisiting The Vibe

 

I get The Vibe (AKA that Euro-horror vibe) a lot from Italian and Spanish horror where they frame the characters in certain ways or have this perfectly plain location that is rendered terrifying or haunting just by the way the filmmakers choose to light it. The composers have a lot to do with it as well. Morricone, Nicholai, Cipriani, Pisano, etc. Their music, especially the prettier melodies, juxtaposed with the promise of the upcoming horrors are also effective at giving me the same feeling.  Of course, huge credit goes to the writers and directors of these films because without their stories and direction, I'd never have discovered all of this dark joy.

I often struggle to describe the feeling I get from these films. But the Vibe-y sensation is a melancholic invigoration, a creepy floating sensation, or a caffeine rush of morbidity. It's definitely a sharpening of the senses with a big dash of euphoria thrown in. Usually, I find myself creepily smiling, cackling, or just tearing up when The Vibe hits me right. There aren't any specific films where The Vibe is throughout the whole movie. However, there are a few examples where large sections of the film do the trick though. The House by the Cemetery, Phenomena, Death Smiles at Murder, Anthropophagus, Lisa and the Devil, Vampyros Lesbos, and Horror Rises from the Tomb, just to name a few, are great providers of The Vibe.

I try not to repeat myself too much on this blog. Ha ha! Yeah, right! But I was having a convo with a friend about this subject and wanted to post the above paragraphs without looking at my original post on the subject from 11 years ago. So I guess this is kind of a mission statement for what I look for when I'm going into a film from this era/these countries. I will likely come back to this topic in another decade or so.

Top 10 First Time Watches Of 2020

  

Usually in these top 10 of the year posts, I'm all about a long and rambling diatribe about what I was up to all year long and fun things that happened. Well, I've been doing what you've been likely doing yourself. I've been keeping my head down, staying away from everything, watching stuff, and staying creative. I also had two (make that three) book projects going right now that will hopefully make your ankles tingle in 2021.

There were a couple of neato things that actually happened like getting one of my reviews in Weng's Chop Cinema Magazine (pictured above) and some cool podcast cameos (check out the links below) that I was lucky to be a part of. I released an album of super chill ambient music to help folks relax in these awful times. I'm super proud of how that one came out. Give it a listen if you need a nap. To sum up, I have stayed mostly sane. Otherwise, last year was dumb as balls. Moving on...

Hero Hero Ghost Show - Voice

Hero Hero Ghost Show - A Blood Pledge 

Opera Omina - Katalin Varga

Opera Omina - Berberian Sound Studio

Opera Omina - The Duke of Burgundy

Opera Omina -  In Fabric

It Came From The Shed - Broma of Souls

For 2020, I was kind of doing a half-assed "I must watch more movies than last year" goal thingie and I was surprised to see that I'd actually done it! In fact, I watched over a hundred more movies than last year. A human being like me is filled with pride because it means that I sat on my butt for a long time. That's cool. So for 2021, my goal is to watch over 500 films. Wow. That doesn't seem intimidating at all. Let’s look at those totals for 2020.

Total Films Watched: 493

First Time Watches: 196

 Top 10 First Time Watches of 2020

10. Razorback (1984) - I can't believe that I avoided this damn film for so long. What a silly waste. For real, the only thing holding me back was that it just didn't sound like something that I would be interested in. Boy oh boy, I was so utterly wrong. I can't recommend this one enough. Back in June, I did a week long event where I watched Australian movies every night. It was frickin' wild. You can read my review of Razborback here.

9. Time Walker (1982) - During the Unseenly Moviethon 2, I watched this wacko sci-fi slasher and it blew my dang mind. It is ridiculously silly and entertaining as all heck. I watched nine movies in a row that day and that one (and the next film in this list) really stood out as a new favorite.

8. Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) - Speaking of that moviethon, here's another film from that day that I knew existed but had never gotten around to. Unholy hell of Satan, I was missing out! This shouldn't have been a big surprise to me since The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973) was in my favorites for 2019. What the darn heck took me so goshing dang long to get around to these films?!

7. Vamp (1986) - For years, I was under the impression that I had seen Vamp. On a whim, I bought the Arrow Blu-ray and was quite surprised to find that nope, somehow this little gem had escaped me. It quickly became a new favorite. My only criticisms are that Grace Jones doesn't have any dialog (nitpicky because she doesn't NEED to speak but I wish she had) and the craziness does slow down for just a few minutes. Those are minor quibbles. Love it!

6. Massacre (1989) - I am fairly confident when I say that this will be the stupidest film in my top 10. Sorry, Time Walker, don't be sad. You did your best! Andrea Bianchi really came through for me with silly bullcrap with the "Lucio Fulci presents..." tag on it. Packed full of cheap horror crud and half-assed giallo elements, Massacre is dangerously dumb and I hope it gets a Blu-ray soon. You can read my review right here.

5. American Rickshaw (1989) - And speaking of Italian strangeness, here's one that is as strange as they get. To say that I had underestimated this Sergio Martino jam would be an understatement. I can honestly say that even after all of the Italian genre cinema I've beheld with my vision sensors, this one is a truly unique experience. Don't look up anything about it, just watch it. Or read my review because you are the boss of you. 

4. The Snake Girl and the Silver-Haired Witch (1968) - During my The Invasian theme month back in September, I saw so many amazing films. But this one really blew me away. It's the most like an old school horror manga come to life as any Japanese horror film that I've seen. It's truly nightmarish, fun, and totally bizarre. Director Noriaki Yuasa was best known for his work in the Gamera film series. I'm so glad this little gem is floating around out there in the ether. Hopefully, it'll get a proper release on home video in the States.

3. My Mom's a Werewolf (1989) - In my wife LeEtta's and my continued quest to find more good (or goodish) movies with Halloween sequences, or that take place on Halloween, we finally got around to this thing from the director of Death Spa (1990). This rates so highly in the top 10 this year for being so damn entertaining and more importantly, being watchable. I cannot wait to make this part of our October viewing next year.

2. Luz (2018) - As you can see from my almost faves list below, I got myself a Shudder subscription last year. I have wanted Shudder since it started but there was one thing that pushed it over the edge and that was Luz. Just based on the trailer and the poster, I was like I need to see this film. As soon as I'd heard that it was on Shudder, we ditched Netflix and got Shudder. Luz is so odd and so energetic that I just can't even process it fully yet. I even bought the soundtrack on vinyl because because because because. Just to add to the confusion, Shudder has added a film called Luz: The Flower of Evil (2019). Haven't seen that yet, but I'm guessing that this Luz is still the way to go.

1. Gretel & Hansel (2020) - And here we are, the number one spot. I have been over the moon with Osgood Perkins since I saw I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House (2016) and The Blackcoat's Daughter (2015), in that order. So, of course I was chomping at the bit to finally see something he did on the big screen. Gretal & Hansel did not disappoint and I loved it so much that I saw it twice in the theaters. In fact, I think that it's the last film I saw in theaters before all the bullcrap started. Dang. I love this magical film so much and I want to watch it again right now while I'm writing this.

First Time Almost Faves

When you see the films on this next list, you may be wondering how come they didn't make the top 10 list. Or you're like "What the hell is that animated Addams Family doing in there?!" Yo. Just being honest, pal. Anyway, when I'm battling to make these lists, the tie-breaker is usually the question, "Do I want to watch this again right now?" So while there's lots of strange and wonderful things in the following list that need mentioning but if I don't see them again for many years, I'm okay with that. That being said, I recommend that you check out any of these.

The Witch in the Window (2018)
Errementari: The Blacksmith and the Devil (2017)
Brain Damage (1988)
Sex of the Devil (1971)
Viy (1967)
Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017)
The Mephisto Waltz (1971)
Last House on Massacre Street (1973)
Color Out of Space (2019)
Eyes of Fire (1983)
Matinee (1993)
One Cut of the Dead (2017) - My review.
Eko Eko Azarak III: Misa the Dark Angel (1998) - My review.
The Beach House (2019)
Terrified (2017)
Millennium Actress (2001)
Without a Clue (1988)
Scare Me (2020)
Host (2020)
Porno (2019)
In Fabric (2016)
The Psychopath (1966)
Schizo (1976)
Possessor (2020)
Upgrade (2018)
The Addams Family (2019)

Films I Watched: December 2020

* means a first time watch.

The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Possessor (2020)*
Upgrade (2018)*
Black Christmas (1974)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Batman Returns (1992)
The Brides of Dracula (1960)
Trancers (1984)
Nutcracker Fantasy (1979)
Porno (2019)*
The Duke of Burgundy (2014)
In Fabric (2018)*
Deadly Games (1989)
Hardware (1990)
Night of the Comet (1984)
Santa Jaws (2018)*
Christmas Evil (1980)
Santa Claus (1959) - MST3K episode
An American Christmas Carol (1979)
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) - MST3K episode
Babes in Toyland (1986)*
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
The Twelve Days of Christmas Eve (2004)*
Terry Pratchett's Hogfather (2006)
To All a Goodnight (1980)
Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)
Krampus (2015)
P2 (2007)
Tokyo Godfathers (2003)
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)
Black Christmas (2006)
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989)
Black Moon Rising (1986)*
The Dark and the Wicked (2020)*
Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation (1990)
The Addams Family (2019)*
Night of the Demon (1980)
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)
Cover Girl Killer (1959)*
The Psychopath (1966)*
Twisted Nerve (1968)*
Night After Night After Night (1969)*
Fragment of Fear (1970)*
Fear in the Night (1972)
Ten Little Indians (1974)*
The Cat and the Canary (1978)*
Schizo (1976)*
The Comeback (1978)*
Bloody New Year (1987)
New Year's Evil (1980)
Terror Train (1980)

Total Films Watched: 53
First Time Watches: 19

Giallo Meltdown Volume 2 Update