Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Films I Watched: May 2020


* means a first time watch!

Eyes of Fire (1983)*
Midnight Offerings (1981)*
Maniac 1980
Sleepwalker (1984)*
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
Heathers (1989)
Dust Devil (1992)*
Someone's Watching Me! (1978)
Matinee (1993)*
Cecil B. Demented (2000)
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Avengers: Infinity War (2018)
Snow white and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)*
The Aristocats (1970)
Sleeping Beauty (1959)*
Easy A (2010)
Teen Witch (1989)
Deadpool (2016)
Deadpool 2 (2018)
Hannibal (2001)
Captain Marvel (2019)
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Shutter Island (2010)
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
Street Trash (1987)*
Satanic Panic (2019)*
Silver Bullet (1985)
The Lost Boys (1987)
Blood Quantum (2019)*
Deadbeat at Dawn (1988)*
The Dead Eyes of London (1961)*
The Monster of London City (1964)*
The Strangler of the Tower (1966)*
The Strangler of Blackmoor Tower (1963)
Angels of Terror AKA The Dead One in the Thames River (1971)*
The College Girl Murders (1967)
Creature with the Blue Hand (1967)*
The Zombie Walks (1968)*
Dracula (1979)
Blood & Flesh: The Reel Life & Ghastly Death of Al Adamson (2019)*
Dolly Dearest (1991)*
Halloween (1978)
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
The Monster Squad (1987)
Paganini Horror (1989)

Total films watched: 47
Total first time watches: 19

Friday, June 26, 2020

Week Of Aussome

I love Australia. Their films are something else. No really, I don't know what in the heck is up with them! I decided to gather together some Australian films, some unseen and some I hadn't watched in many, many years, to see what I could um... see. There wasn't time for a proper moviethon so I just spaced out the films over a week to save myself from going completely insane. Was I successful? Let's find out.


Monday

Dangerous Game (1988)

Some dumb and irresponsible college ne'er-do-wells run afoul of a deranged Irish police officer named Murphy (Steven Grives) and make matters worse by breaking into a department store after hours. The aforementioned psycho cop follows them to the store, traps them inside, and hunts them down. This incredibly colorful and stylish effort comes from Stephen Hopkins, the director of A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989).

Grives's performance of Murphy is completely unhinged and freakin' intense. With its delirious visions and unreal atmosphere, it's no wonder that Dangerous Game has stuck in my head since I was a kid. The film is a little overlong but I think they just needed time to sneak in more weird shit. When a consumer dream turns into a nightmare, you'd better watch out! I'm too scared to check and see if that's a real tagline for this film.


Tuesday

The Cars That Ate Paris (1974)

If I've seen this before then I must've been drunk because I don't remember a damn thing about it. In a tiny town called Paris, there's a conspiracy afoot- or should I say "awheel"? Arthur (Terry Camilleri), an unemployed duder, gets stranded in Paris after his brother is killed in a horrific car accident. It isn't long before he begins to suspect that the citizens' unique economy might be more than slightly sinister.

The music score by Bruce Smeaton is utterly gorgeous. Speaking of gorgeous, Max Spence of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) is in this! The Cars That Ate Paris is darkly funny and tragically sad. And it just turned into a spaghetti western. We'll be seeing more from director Peter Weir this week.


"I hope you realize I'm being flippant."

Thursday

Out of the Body (1989)

Woops! I had to skip a day to recover from a sinus headache but I'm back at it. Brian Trenchard-Smith, you magical bastard! An invisible force is killing successful women and college professor/composer David Gaze (Mark Hembrow) is somehow connected. I'm getting a giallo vibe from this wacky stuff. Gaze dreams of the crimes as they happen but doesn't know how to stop the killer. Finally, Gaze thinks he's got his big break once he dreams of a famous newscaster but thinks don't go so well when tries to warn her.

Wait, is his cat supposed to be involved in the crimes? And why is the killer collecting the eyes of his victims? I have no idea. But there's a sub-subplot where a detective constantly sexually harasses his female coworker. Classy, dude. There's a swimming pool at night scene! I love those. Always consult your physician before you even consider astral projecting. This one is kind of a wacko Aussie version of The Eyes of Laura Mars (1978). I like it!


Friday

Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

It's been so long since I've seen this film that the only thing I remember about it is that it's beautiful and the giant cave of genetically engineered albino half-man, half-wombats at the end. Sorry for the spoiler. Of course, Aussie mainstay, John Jarratt, is in this one! I adore the magical, science fiction-y vibe of this classic. I don't want to say that the cause of the mysterious events at Hanging Rock (a really big rock) is aliens but it's aliens.

Three young girls and a teacher disappear on a field trip out to Hanging Rock. This was back in the early 1900s so they didn't have Instagram or anything. LeEtta and I would like to know why the fat character has to be so annoying. We feel attacked! Damn, this gets creepy. What the frick? The haunting vocal bits of the score remind me of The Beyond (1981). Hold up, this wasn't based on a true story? Did everyone else know that but me?


The Last Wave (1977)

The Last Wave has been on my radar but it has kept eluding me, until now. Some movies are lil rascals! Freak weather patterns throw Australia into chaos. It's up to Richard Chamberlain to save the day! He uncovers a gang of Eco-terrorists who've hijacked a weather machine and unless the government enacts stricter emissions testing, they will drown Australia in a snowdrift. There's water in every scene of this film which means that the viewer has to peepee.

Chamberlain gets called in as legal council for a group of Indigenous Australians accused of killing a man under mysterious circumstances. The weird thing is that he's been dreaming of their de-facto leader Chris Lee (David Gulpilil) for days before ever meeting him. The sound design in this film is so damn good. I hope that movies are still being made with sound nowadays. By the end of this film, I'm in awe. Tonight was a quite a journey. Thank you, Mr. Weir(d).


Saturday

Fortress (1985)

Here comes a blast from my past. As a kid, this movie freaked me out so bad. A gang of creepos in animal masks kidnaps a (hot) teacher named Sally Jones (Rachel Ward) and her schoolchildren to get some of that bloody red Australian ransom money. They take the kids and their teacher out to Hanging Rock and stick them in a hole while waiting for the parents to pay up.

Some of the music in this film is blowing my mind and not a good way. Sally ("Miss Jones" if you're nasty) and her kids are very resourceful and MacGyver their way out of their hole and into our hearts. Fortress is much less disturbing now that I'm in my late 80s but it's still got some bite to it. Hoo boy, if there was ever a film that teaches you not to mess with Australians, this is it. Director Arch Nicholson served as second unit director on the next film I'm covering!


Razorback (1984)

LeEtta and I were watching The 13th Floor (1988) when the sound on my copy went perilously out of sync. It was not ideal. So I decided to jump into this unseen-by-me film, even though I was saving it for Sunday. I always considered renting it from the video store but somehow never did pull the trigger. The cinematography by Dean Semler, who shot Max Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) is so damn good that I can hardly stand it. Throw in some bonkers ass larger-than-life Australian rednecks and some truly bizarre imagery and you have a winner. What's it about? It's about a 9 foot tall soccer player named Razorback who wins the big game but not before learning a valuable lesson! You need to see this. Director Russell Mulcahy went on to helm frickin' Highlander (1986)!

Sunday

Thirst (1979)

Well, I guess had to stop somewhere. For the final Aussome film of the week, I figured what could be better than a vampire version of The Bitch (1979)? Veteran TV director Rod Hardy brings a unique touch to this film that could not have been made at any other time than the late-1970s. To say that this is a product of its time is an understatement and I love it. Our heroine Kate (Chantal Contouri) wakes up in a coffin and bam! We get our titles. The End. The film rewinds a week and we find out that a cabal of dang weirdos are watching Kate's every move.

Before things got crazy, her life was a bland but very chic fantasy. From her meticulously decorated mansion to her mustachioed hunky boyfriend and their fireside romance novel-style lovemaking to her vague high-powered position as a cosmetics executive, this shit is ridonk. Once the aristocratic race of vamps reveal their plan for Kate, she's decidedly not into it. Victor Silva and David Hemmings are on hand to class things up. The conspiratorial vibe is fun but I'm really here for the blood shower. Well, thanks for hanging out, my friends. I will definitely be returning to this fine country in order to sample its brilliant and inimitable cinematic output again sometime.

 

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Hello From The Year 2020

The human race needs to figure out that we're all here to be born, live for a while, and then croak on this rock (or maybe in space). We are not all the same but we are all stuck with each other. This is not a bad thing if we can just stop being jerks. If you're blind to what's going on, staying out of it, adding to the problem, or just willfully ignorant, then wake up. We are officially living in the future but we are stuck in the past. I've been hearing the same racist garbage come out of people's mouths since I was a kid. Seriously, I'm 43 years old and the racist rhetoric and disgusting manipulation by those in power HAS NOT CHANGED. It's pathetic and it needs to stop right now.

So sign petitions, protest, donate $$ to causes, scream into the ether, or just listen to oppressed people. Whatever you need to do, do it. But give people understanding and help when they need it. Let's make compassion popular again. Let's rise above racism, homophobia, sexism, classicism, and religious persecution. End all inequality wherever its hiding. If that means overhauling our criminal justice system then let's make it happen. We can do this. So to all my friends of color, LGBTQ+ buds, frickin' awesome women, friends whose religions are different than mine, people of different economic classes, anyone different than me in any glorious way, etc. just know that I love you.

Monday, June 1, 2020

Films I Watched: April 2020


* means a First Time Watch.

Gamera vs. Jiger (1970)*
Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994)
Rumble in the Bronx (1995)
Kung Fu Hustle (2004)
Batman Returns (1992)
Iron Man (2008)
Macross: Do You Remember Love? (1984)
Iron Man 2 (2010)
Thor (2011)
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
The Avengers (2012)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Sledgehammer (1983)*
Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
The Magnificent Seven (1960)
Color Out of Space (2019)*
Beetlejuice (1988)
Ant-Man (2015)
Contamination (1980)
Captain America: Civil War (2016)
A Blood Pledge: Broken Promise (2009)*
Sobrenatural AKA Return of the Poltergeist (1981)*
Paradise, Hawaiian Style (1966)
Doctor Strange (2016)
Chopping Mall (1986)

Total Films Watched: 30

First Time Watches: 5

Monday, May 4, 2020

Films I Watched: March 2020

Well well well, another month of movie watching down the old cinematic gullet. Do these movies make me look fat? No, I think that I am just fat or something. My efforts to watch more and more unseen movies got derailed a little bit since it seems that more and more, my wife and I are in need of comfort viewing. Sound familiar? I bet it does. So as usual, television is a big distraction. But how could I resist with shows such as Inspector Morse, Murder She Wrote, Hart to Hart, Allo Allo, and of course, Twin Peaks, are always at my fingertips? Not literally at my fingertips! I do actually have to get up and go get these things from our shelves. So without further ado, here's what I watched this month, movie-wise. I hope you are well, my friends.

* means a first time watch.

Werewolf: The Beast Among Us (2012)*
Tigers Are Not Afraid (2017)*
Voice (2005)
Society (1989)
Luz (2018)
Why Horror? (2014)*
Batman Returns (1992)
The Mephisto Waltz (1971)*
The City of the Dead (1960)
Red Eye (2005)*
Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)
One Missed Call (2003)
Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Dark Water (2002)
Haunted School AKA Gakkô no kaidan (1995)*
Suicide Club (2001)
Primal Rage (1988)
Dangerous Game (1988)
The Cars That Ate Paris (1974)*
Out of the Body (1989)*
Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)*
Fortress (1985)
Razorback (1984)*
Thirst (1979)
The Curse of the Crying Woman AKA La maldición de la Llorona (1963)*
Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972)*
The Executioner, Part II (1984)*
Ghoulies II (1987)*
The Bat People (1974)*
Nightwing (1979)*
The Bride AKA The House That Cried Murder (1973)*
Time Walker (1982)*
Night of Death (1980)*
Top Secret! (1984)
A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989)
Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991)
Sabrina the Teenage Witch (1996)*
Cry--Baby (1990)

Total Films Watched: 40
First Time Watches: 20

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Hello! This is the Doomed Show - Episode 200!

Nine years in the making, the 200th episode of Hello! This is the Doomed Show is up!

Check it out here.

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Films I Watched: February 2020

* means a first time watch.

Assassination in Rome (1965)*
Kill the Fatted Calf and Roast It (1970)*
Date for a Murder (1967)*
Night of Violence (1965)*
Investigation of a Citizen Above Suspicion (1970)*
Yellow: The Cousins (1969)*
The Rage Within (1969)*
The Insatiables (1969)*
Sex of the Devil (1971)*
The Weekend Murders (1970)
Something Creeping in the Dark (1971)
A Lizard in a Woman's Skin (1971)
Viy (1967)*
Blood Feast (1963)
From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
The Changeling (1980)
The Hills Have Eyes (1977)
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Leviathan: The Story of Hellraiser and Hellbound: Hellraiser II (2015)*
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Persuasion (1995)
Prom Night (1980)
Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987)
X-Men: First Class (2011)
X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
The Wolverine (2013)
Battle in Outer Space (1959)*
Like Me (2017)*
Blood Harvest (1987)*
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
Seoul Station (2016)*
X-Men: Dark Phoenix (2019)*
Burn, Witch, Burn (1962)*
Satan's School for Girls (1973)
Legend of the Witches (1970)*
Wicked Stepmother (1989)*
The Devil's Daughter (1973)*
Crowhaven Farm (1970)*
Bliss (2019)*
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Zorro: The Gay Blade (1981)
Drive Me Crazy (1999)
Horror Noire: A History of Black Horror (2019)*
Candyman (1992)
Opera (1987)

Total Films Watched: 47
First Time Watches: 23

Friday, February 7, 2020

Films I Watched: January 2020

Here we are in another dang year of presumed life. I thought that for 2020, I'd try to add a little verbage or nounage to these monthly posts instead of just ye olde watch list. What else is a blog for than the letting people know what color ketchup you prefer on your meat sticks? My band GYROJETS finally dug up a bass player from a nearby grave. If you've been following our silly little story, then you might have noticed that we've been just drums and guitar for like 8 years. So this is a huge change for us, a lifestyle change even.

So I've been reading a lot of comics lately, in particular Crisis on Infinite Earths. Man, that thing is massive. It's like reading The Bible but with more begats. I'm enjoying it but I look forward to it being over. I'm also reading The B-52's Universe: The Essential Guide to the Worlds Greatest Party Band by Mats Sexton and On Some Faraway Beach: The Life And Times Of Brian Eno by David Sheppard. Between the three of these things, I think my brain may be turning to dust. I also picked up the new issue of Shock Cinema because that's the best movie magazine around.

I managed to get a subscription to Shudder! After finally letting go of Netflix (speaking of lifestyle changes) and Acorn (which we just weren't using), I asked my wife if we could try Shudder for a year because there were things I was dying to see on it. She agreed and I am really enjoying it, even if their interface is a little ridiculously rudimentary. Joe Bob Briggs (as many of you have been saying for a while) has been back with a vengeance and I'm loving his show. Also of note, I've started watch movies for my next book, Giallo Meltdown Part 2. Yup, it's finally "that time again". One more thing before I go: GO SEE GRETEL AND HANSEL. Thank you. See you next month.

* means a first time watch.

Errementari (2017)*
A Dark Song (2016)*
Snowpiercer (2013)*
Ant-Man (2015)
Ready or Not (2019)*
Isle of Dogs (2018)*
Mary and the Witch's Flower (2017)*
Suspiria (2018)
The Witch in the Window (2018)*
Luz (2018)*
Hagazussa (2017)*
Sadako vs. Kayako (2016)*
Doctor Strange (2016)
Grease (1978)
Q: The Winged Serpent (1982)
Brain Damage (1988)*
Creepy AKA Kurîpî: Itsuwari no rinjin (2016)*
Season of the Witch (1972)*
The Case of the Scorpion's Tail (1971)
Mayhem (2017)*
Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Zombie 5: Killing Birds (1987)
Castle Freak (1995)
Grease 2 (1982)
Hackers (1995)
Demon Wind (1990)
Gretel & Hansel (2020)*
So Sweet... So Perverse (1969)*
Secret of the Sphinx (1964)*

Total films watched: 29
First time wathces: 17

Thursday, January 9, 2020

The Unseenly Moviethon

So like nine freakin' months ago, I filmed this moviethon called The Unseenly Moviethon to promote Doomed Moviethon the book's release. Then the book got delayed. Then the editing of this video got delayed! Jeez Louise! Thanks, life! Thanks a lot for nothing. So anyway, back in May of 2019, I watched 16 movies in two and a half days. Fun times were had. For real though. If you know anyone who has ever seen a video, then ask them what it's like.

Check out the vidya:

Friday, January 3, 2020

Favorite First Time Watches Of 2019

Another year has come and gone, which is how many, many great writers -maybe even some that are better than me- have started a sentence. In spite of minor health problems and major procrastinations, I finally finished my new book and released it. That’s right, Doomed Moviethon: the book version has finally been released. I'm planning on dropping some pretty cool promo materials related to it soon. But you can get it over at Amazon right now.

My band GYROJETS played some gigs and we finally released a new song! It's about the movie called Pieces and the song is called "Pieces". My other band Caduceus, the instrumental freak duo, played live for the first time and released an album of old recordings that we kinda forgot about. The podcast is still going strong. We're almost to episode 200! So, the word to sum everything up here is “busy” like I like but it was just kind of a strange 12 months that flew by. I can hear you screaming for me to actually talk about movies now.

Totals

Movies watched: 369

Fist time watches: 146

Somebody on Twitter asked me to start a Letterboxd account to help them track my movie watching. I’ll just post that link right here. Oh wait, you’re looking at it! This is my Duderboxd. Okay, let’s have a look at my favorite first time watches of the year! I’m going to start with films that I saw for the first time that weren’t released this year. Old movies? Ew, bro! I watched a lot of great stuff this year and it was difficult to narrow it all down. But I tried! An important part of the following list is how I badly I want to rewatch a film. So there's that.

The Lucky Fourteen

Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989) - This was a film that took me way too long to get around to. Probably my favorite of the year.

Rock 'n' Roll High School (1979) - For some reason, I'd seen the weird sequel to this and not the original. Wow. Just wow.

FleshEater (1988) - Here's a secret Halloween film that is also a freakin' riot.

Wishing Stairs (2003) - This is an outstanding film. I can't recommend it highly enough. Masterful.

Night Life (1989) - This is a weird one. A late 80s obscurity that needs to be rescued from VHS/DVD bootleg hell.

Frozen Scream (1975) - An insanely broken patchwork movie that is a good time.

Lurking Fear (1994) - A Lovecraft adaptation/siege film with its heart in the right place.

The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973) - Another contender for my favorite of the year. Instant classic in my house.

Us (2019) - I don't know what to say and I have a lot to say. This will always be a treasured cinema experience for me and an all around banger of a film.

The Vampire Lovers (1970) - I've been searching for this movie since I was a little kid. One scene had haunted me for over 30 years. Wonderful.

Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat (1989) - In terms of weird, this is second to none.

Witching and Bitching (2013) - A wildly funny satire that is both mind-bending and energetic as hell.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) - Finally sat down and finished this truly unique labor of love.

Cam (2018) - A brutal, depressing, and frightening film that I couldn't stop thinking about for weeks afterward.

Honorable Mentions

For every Top Whatever list, you have the losers! But we're all winners here.

Prospect (2018)
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Unmasked Part 25 (1988)
Down a Dark Hall (2018)
13 Ghosts (1960)
The Ritual (2017)
Night Moves (1975)
Burying the Ex (2014)
Encounter with the Unknown (1972)
Cold Skin (2017)
Zombie High (1987)
Ghost Stories (2017)
The Vagrant (1992)
Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018)
Rebecca (1940)
Tragedy Girls (2017)
The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. (1953)
Mandy (2018)
Frankenhooker (1990)
The Beast Must Die (1974)

Honorable Mentions of 2019

As usual, I didn’t get out to the theaters enough to see frickin' new releases. But here’s a quck list of some stuff I enjoyed.

Knives Out (2019)
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)
Alita: Battle Angel (2019)
Doctor Sleep (2019)
3 from Hell (2019)
Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019)
Midsommar (2019)
Missing Link (2019)
Haunt (2019)
Shazam! (2019)

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

Films I Watched: December 2019

* means a First Time Watch.

Ma (2019)*
The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)*
The Irishman (2019)*
The Dorm That Dripped Blood (1982)
Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)
Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen (1951)*
Malibu Express (1985)
Elves (1989)
Freaky Farley (2007)
Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed (2004)
A Smoky Mountain Christmas (1986)
Black Christmas (1974)
The Legend of Hell House (1973)
Deep Red (1975)
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Black Christmas (2006)
Grave Robbers (1989)*
Tales from the Crypt (1972)
Whoever Slew Auntie Roo? (1971)
Black Christmas (2019)*
Krampus (2015)
Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)
Terrifier (2016)*
Knives Out (2019)*
The Christmas Chronicles (2018)
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
Dead End (2003)
P2 (2007)
An American Christmas Carol (1979)*
Christmas Evil (1980)
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989)
Initiation: Silent Night, Deadly Night 4 (1990)
White Christmas (1954)
The Ref (1994)
Hardware (1990)
Silent Night (2012)
Prime Evil (1988)
Pottersville (2017)*
Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)*
The American Scream (1988)*
Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker (2019)*
Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle (2018)*
New Year's Evil (1980)
Terror Train (1980)
Bloody New Year (1987)