Wednesday Ramble - Too Little But Not Too Late: Revisiting Dracula (1931)

For Halloween this year, I really wanted to get my old school horror movie mojo going by looking at as many of the Universal monster movies as I could. What better way to start then by watching a film that I haven't seen since I was in my early teens. I've spent more time reading about Dracula (1931) than I have watching it. So yeah, 25 (or more) years ago, I thought the original Dracula was boring and awkward. Kids. What can ya do? I do remember thinking that it was really important to watch this and other classics as a burgeoning horror kid.

The first thing that blows my mind are things that I definitely was never consciously aware of as a kid like the production design. Man oh man, the matte paintings are fantastic. They give everything the feel of an alien landscape especially now that everything these days is done with CGI. Will people in the future look back on our cinema and find our bad techno-trickery all charming and shit? As for the sets, wow just wow. Obviously, camera tricks were the CGI of their day and of course, filmmakers from then would have used computers to make their vision end up on the screen. But these quaint and obviously hand-crafted touches make me so happy and I don't mean that in a condescending way (at least I don't think I do).

Okay, what is with the bug? So when Dracula and his lady Draculas are getting out of their coffins, there's some crazy shit going on. First of all, there's a possum. I found this very amusing because I live in Florida and the dang things are everywhere. Then I remember that Todd Browning was from Kentucky so that means he knew that they will appear exotic to the rest of the world. Maybe. I don't know where I was going with that. Anyway, the bug. So we see everyone getting out of their coffins and then there's a shot of a bug climbing out of his/her coffin -a tiny coffin? Or was that supposed to be a human sized coffin with a giant bug in it? My pal Nafa just suggested that the bug may be one of the wives other forms. I like that idea. There's also some armadillos which made me shake my head when they were chillin' in the crypt. They're pretty friggin' adorable.

The next thing that I really adore now -more than I could have ever anticipated as a young lad- are the smoke machines pumping a metric ton of atmosphere into this bad-boy. They give all the mist, fog, smoke, smog, haze, etc. that just makes me giddy in my current state of fandom. When Renfield shows up to switch carriages, the smoke looks like it was absolutely choking everyone on the set. Even though this scene is supposed to be outdoors, it's so claustrophobic that it made me frickin' nervous.

The vampire wives skulking around in the aforementioned mist is something I remember VERY DISTINCTLY. In fact, when they leave the movie (???), I remember just checking out for the most part. I thought they were so slinky and sexy that my brain never made the connection as to how dangerous these characters are. Has that attitude changed for me? Hell no, it hasn't. I'm still like "Ladies, I know I'm not Bela but hey I'm kinda pale. What are my chances?" Come to think of it, all of the women in this movie are just stunning. The ones that are stricken with ye olde vampire syndrome are just made up and photographed so perfectly that I just can't them out of my head.

This will come as a surprise to very few people (or no one at all) but my old complaining for years at how slow and silly this film is have melted away. While it's true that a few lines of dialogue and especially some of the over-the-top delivery still make me chuckle, I adore this cast. Whenever Dwight Frye as Renfield comes cackling into frame, I just want to high five whoever is sitting closest to me (which is my wife LeEtta, naturally). If I try to imagine audiences in 1931 seeing this film for the first time, I have to assume that his scuttling across the floor to go after the exposed neck of the maid must have scared the living shit out of people.

As for the pacing, I was never bored for a second during this viewing. There's just so much going on here that I have to wonder why the hell I don't watch this more often. I thought my attention span was getting worse not better! One of the big blind-spots in my horror fandom is for the 1930s. I swear I'm getting better about this era.

The almost total lack of a music score is certainly something. I really don't know how I feel about it. The opening music is perfect and the bit at the opera house works great. I'm not saying there should have been wall to wall music but yeah, I think the minimal score might be something that alienates people from this version. I like it because it does something funny to my brain that probably wasn't intentional at all. Has anyone taken the score from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective Jr. and used it on Dracula? I think that should be a thing. Did Philip Glass do the score for any of the Ace Ventura movies? Speaking of blind-spots, I absolutely have a block about the silent era of horror. I'll probably need more time for that. Don't give up on me just yet.

The darkness of the shadows and the suffocating nature of the nighttime scenes are almost too much for my tiny mind to take. So much mood is communicated with the simplest of things. When Dracula attacks the flower girl, holy crap! While I should probably be ashamed that I had such a low opinion of this film for so long, I'm very happy to have finally come around to it. Ladies and gentlemen, I love Todd Browning's Dracula! I can practically hear your eyes rolling but this is a big deal for me. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble again. It's been a while. The shadows are where I'll be if you need me.

My first impression of Dracula 3D

I finally decided to watch Dario Argento's Dracula 3D. Here are two lists I made while watching it; one for the good and one for the bad. Also, let it be known that the copy streaming on Netflix looks like utter shit. It is way, way too bright. I plan on buying the Blu-ray of this film for a proper look at it. But for now, here is my first impression of this huge flop of a movie.

The Good:

Asia Argento!
Thomas Kretschmann!
Rutger Hauer!
I really dig the score by Claudio Simonetti. (Nice theremin, duder.)
Corny Eurohorror atmosphere!
Bad dubbing.
The non-CGI sets and locations are great!
Weird Argento crap.
Gore!
Atmosphere - wind, lightning, graveyard, castle, old library, etc.
Nudity!
Homosexual overtones.
Great lighting.
The axe scene (Tenebre reference?).
Dracula's swarm of fly entrance (Phenomena reference?).
I really like the actress playing Mina (Marta Gastini).

The Bad:

The flying-through-the-village opening credits look like shit.
The Dracula-owl looks like shit.
The train station looks fucking shit. What the fuck?
The wolf transformation scene is the best that the computers of 1997 had to offer.
The script is very silly.
People that should be dubbed, aren't.
Cheesy sound effects.
The acting is bad, especially from Asia Argento and the duder playing Jonathan Harker.
I really don't like the vampires turning to dust in this. More poor CGI.
The praying mantiss scene is insanely dumb.
10 minutes too long.
"Thank God I had enough garlic for one bullet."

Dracula vs. Frankenstein

Dracula vs. Frankenstein
Directed by Al Adamson
1971
Starring J. Carrol Naish, Lon Chaney Jr., Zandor Vorkov, Anthony Eisley, Regina Carrol
91 minutes

Dr. Duryea AKA Dr. Frankenstein (played by J. Carrol Naish), with the help of his monster serum-addled assistant Groton (Lon Chaney Jr.), has been murdering women on the beach in order to perform ghastly experiments. One night, Count Dracula shows up with a proposition. Dracula has discovered the remains of the original Frankenstein’s monster and will help the doctor get his revenge on the medical community that discredited him. What does he want in return? Nothing really; he just wants to pull some evil shit on an unsuspecting world.



MEANWHILE... Nightclub performer Judy Fontaine (played by Regina Carrol) is searching for her missing sister Joanie and she gets a big dose of LSD from a bald biker with a ludicrous looking scar on his head. She is rescued by a pair of happy go lucky hippies, Strange (Greydon Clark) and Samantha (Anne Morrell). Next Judy meets Mike Howard (Anthony Eisley), a hippie guru who knew Joanie before she disappeared. The gang heads down to the boardwalk to check out Dr. Duryea’s horror funhouse to see if Joanie (who had an interest in the macabre) might have gone there. Little does Judy know that her sister has already become a part of the mad doctor’s horrifying menagerie.



At some point, you have to open your heart to the world of Al Adamson. I didn’t think I could do it but I asked myself: “Who am I to resist greatness?” His films are slapdash and awkward but full of chaotic beauty. Dracula vs. Frankenstein is a kooky disaster infused with hippies, acid trips, surfers, and bikers (that were intended for an unfinished biker film). The horror elements and the biker elements go together like razor blades and Cheese Whiz but I have to admit this film is pretty damn entertaining. When the plot comes to a complete stop for some romance between Judy and Mark, it’s no bummer. Hey square, I can dig on these love vibes!



The cast in this movie could not be better. Lon Chaney Jr. acts like a junkie and super prolific J. Carrol Naish (House of Frankenstein) is the master of mad science, calling the shots from his wheelchair of doom. Zandor Vorkov makes his goateed and swarthy Count Dracula work by the sheer will of his eyebrows alone. Adamson regular, Regina Carrol, is sultry and sexy -well, she has big boobs and big hair anyway. Angelo Rossitto (Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome) may be small in stature but he is hugely creepy as Grazbo, the boardwalk barker leading unsuspecting hip kids to their doom.



Out of all the Al Adamson films I’ve seen, this is probably my favorite. The quick pacing dies a dopey death in the last 10 minutes and the off kilter weirdness from the weak writing, expository overdubs, and childlike editing is even more aggressive than usual. But you know, I pretty much loved every second. Dracula vs. Frankenstein is a bargain basement monster mash-up sifted through the mind of a man who thought he knew what the hippie generation would want to see on the big screen. If you don’t think you can handle a dough-faced Frankenstein’s monster fighting a disco Dracula then this film ain’t for you. I thought that perhaps you’d be MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH or BOTH ENOUGH to deal with it but you’re not.



“They want to see an illusion. They do not realize that reality itself is the grandest illusion of all. And that human blood is the essence from which future illusions may be created.”

Franco Friday #20: Daughter of Dracula

Franco Friday #20

Twenty weeks ago I started something that seemed ridiculous and now I know that it is just that. Ridiculous. And I love it. Originally, the plan was to watch seven Franco movies and post a review a day for seven days. Then I foolishly decided to dedicate myself to this fucking lunatic for a year. This director has already taken this blog, my movie queue, and my poor stupefied brain places they were never meant to go. I was never meant to see this many Jess Franco movies. None of this was supposed to happen and yet, everything is my fault. Hey, hey, hey! Only 32 more to go!



Daughter of Dracula
AKA La Fille de Dracula
Directed by Jess Franco
1972
Starring Britt Nichols, Anne Libert, Alberto Dalbes, Howard Vernon, Daniel White, Jess Franco, Fernando Bilbao
79 minutes

Luisa Karlstein (played by Britt Nichols) returns to the Karlstein estate just in time to hear her mother’s dying request. Her croakin’ mom wants her to take a key, go to the family crypt, and have a look (there were no other instructions) at their undead ancestor, Count Karlstein AKA Dracula (Howard Vernon). Next thing you know someone is drinking the blood of local sexy ladies. Inspector Ptuschko (Alberto Dables) is trying to solve the murders and he enlists the help of Charlie the reporter (Fernando Bilbao) to do some extra snooping around the Karlstein place. Meanwhile, Luisa is behaving very strangely and starts up a relationship with her hot cousin Karine (Anne Libert). There is also a subplot. Maybe two. I don’t know.



This is probably the closest thing to a parody of a Jess Franco film I’ve seen so far although I’m not sure Franco knew he was parodying himself. First, the plot mirrors his only moderately interesting (that might be too kind) 1962 gothic flick, The Sadistic Baron von Klaus. Second, the cast is either misdirected, miserable, or underused but I’ll get to that later. Third, the film is pathetically staged and choppily edited (which I like). And finally, The Daughter of Dracula feels like a half-hearted attempt at making a giallo. There are several scenes where the imagery on display feels very reminiscent of the Italian whodunits so popular at the time. I wish the film had gone more for the gothic feel or the giallo bit because it doesn’t do both very well at all.



Let’s talk about the cast. I feel bad about Howard Vernon* even being in this movie but he does have the easiest job. He’s all done up in the Dracula makeup and he sits up, flashes the fangs, and then lays down again. He does this two or three times in the film, gets a stake in the head (very original) and that’s it. Britt Nichols kind of does the same thing except she gets to walk around. While she pulls some awesome faces and delivers one of the most ludicrous bitch-slaps I’ve ever seen, Nichols is still pretty out of it in this movie and just really dull.



Alberto Dalbes plays the inspector character very well, getting surly, sarcastic, and generally fed up with all the losers he has to put up with. Fernando Bilbao is rather annoying as Charlie, the goofy journalist. Oddly enough, Jess Franco is pretty decent in this as Cyril Jefferson, a side character that is actually pretty interesting. He is a well-read and tortured individual who believes wholeheartedly in the occult. He makes a potentially bland cameo into something memorable and interesting.



Of course, there is a show stealer in the bunch. Anne Libert! This chick friggin’ rules The Daughter of Dracula. I’m not sure how to put it into words exactly. There is just something special about this actress. She is adorable and one of the only members of the cast who seems to be having a good time. There, I put it into words. Her character is the sad victim in all of this craziness and it is impossible not to pity her cruel fate.



While it fails on almost every level, I have to say that Daughter of Dracula was not a waste of my time at all. The melodrama and the inept silliness go together perfectly. The gothic overtones, creaky library music, cryptic dialog, and the beautiful locations also help save the day. My biggest complaint is about the overlong sex scenes. I know I complain about these all the time in Franco films but the awkward lovin’ between Nichols and Libert are especially bad and they spend a lot of time going nowhere. It’s not about my prudishness (for a change), there is just no chemistry between these two ladies. But like I was saying, I still enjoyed Daughter of Dracula, it is completely accidentally entertaining because Franco was just so unbelievably off his game. File under moderately interesting/unessential. Ugh, I'm going to stop saying "File under..." from now on. Whose schtick is that anyway?



*Duh, I just remembered that Howard Vernon was as still as a freakin' statue in Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein. I guess that is method acting or something.

Franco Friday #9: Count Dracula

Thank you (in advance) for not storming the place with torches and pitchforks.



Franco Friday #9:

Count Dracula
Directed by Jess Franco
1970
Starring Christopher Lee, Herbert Lom, Klaus Kinski, Soledad Miranda, Maria Rohm
97 minutes

Johnathan Harker (played by Fred Williams) has been hired by Count Dracula (Christopher Lee) to help him find residence in England. Harker ventures out to Transylvania to meet the Count and some spooky shit happens. Long story short, Harker ends up in a sanitarium to recover from nervous exhaustion and the Count has a new home in a big ass creepy house. Dr. Van Helsing (Herbert Lom) is treating Harker and tells his fiance Mina (Maria Rohm) to chill while he recuperates. Ever since the Count's arrival in town, one of Van Helsing's patients, Renfield (Klaus Kinski), has been going apeshit in his cell.



Next thing you know, Mina's friend Lucy (played by Soledad Miranda) is attacked by the Count (cleverly disguised as a bat-like creature) and drained of some of her blood. While Lucy fades away, Mina begins to suspect that this mysterious Count is to blame. After Lucy "dies", Van Helsing, with the help of Harker and Lucy's beau, Quincy Morris (Jack Taylor), discovers the proof he needs to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Count Dracula is none other than Count Dracula himself, VAMPIRE! The Count gets mad and summons a dragon with laser beams to shoot out Van Helsing's eyes. The end.



Jess Franco's and Christopher Lee's attempt to make a more traditional version of Bram Stoker's book is rather successful, I guess. I wish they had attempted to breathe a little life into the old story instead of trying (and failing) to follow it quite so... seriously(?). Jeez, Count Dracula just ain't cuttin' the mustard in the department that some people call "entertainment value". There is plenty of atmosphere in parts and some effective moments but this film runs out of steam (and money) way, way before the credits roll. Basically, this Count Dracula only comes to life when Christopher Lee delivers an awesome monologue and then again when Dracula goes after Lucy. As usual, there's just something magical about Soledad Miranda that just lights up the screen.



Cinematographers Luciano Trasatti and Manuel Merino and composer Bruno Nicolai do their jobs wonderfully and at least make this film easy on the eyes and ears. There is a pretty wild scene where some stuffed wild game come to life but it's just not enough to save the day. A slightly larger budget may have helped this one a little (especially with how listless and cheap Dracula's demise plays out) but come on, this is Franco! When did he ever NEED a bigger budget? Seriously! It feels silly even typing that but something is just wrong here.



I don't know, I'm not sure what else to say. This movie has a few good scenes but overall it is just too drowsy and too stiff. Count Dracula got my hopes up once things finally got moving but then it settled back into the tedium. Franco fans and Dracula nuts will definitely find some good things about this movie with its moments of gothic beauty and hilarity (when Lucy faints, I swear Van Helsing uses the opportunity to cop a feel) but yeah, this nearly bloodless melodrama just didn't do it for me.