Ranking the Silent Night, Deadly Night Franchise

To say that I'm very particular (or just peculiar) about any ranking of titles of any given slasher movie franchise is an understatement. So here we go, this is my list of the SNDN films from my mostest favoritest to my leastest favoritetest. I'm not going to bother with the plots because it's Christmas. So this is more "go go go" than "ho ho ho". And just for the record, I think Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974) by itself is better than this entire franchise. Boy oh boy, I'm glad I got that off of my chest.

1) Silent Night, Deadly Night 3: Better Watch Out! (1989) 

Explaining the appeal of this sleepy and bizarre gem is difficult. Hell, explaining why it's my favorite of the entire franchise is next to impossible. But let's get give it a go. First, this has two cast members and an associate editor on "Twin Peaks", so I like pretending that this is an unofficial TP spinoff film. Second, you have one of the most unlikable final girls in the history of slasherdom in the form of a Jennifer Connelly lookalike. Third, you've got lots of pretentious dialogue, a weirdly indescribably tone, and lots of stupid bullshit filler. And finally, this is from Monte Hellman, director of Two-Lane Blacktop (1971) of all people, giving it his all on a micro-budget.

2) Silent Night, Deadly Night 4: Initiation

Now this is how you make a sequel. Get a filmmaker (Brian frickin' Yuzna) who clearly isn't interested in making a carbon copy of the first film. I suspect that Yuzna had a ton of crazy ideas he wanted to double down on just in case he never got a chance to make them come alive for a standalone, non-franchise related film. Boom! Instant classic. This has lots of body horror -by Screaming Mad George and company- and an epic performance from Clint Howard. I love movies that try too hard and this is certainly one of them. For my money, this is the best of the franchise, even though it's not my favorite.

3) Silent Night, Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker

In case you thought that part 4 was the most demented and wacky that this franchise could get, then you need to see this one. Mickey Rooney doing his gruff psycho grandpa bit is worth the price of admission alone. But then you have a deranged Pinocchio running around looking for a mommy/wife PLUS a subplot of killer toys. Screaming Mad George and Brian Yuzna are back too (albeit in a lesser capacity). And once again, the tone is all over the place. Come on, people! This is pretty fantastic.

4) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Finally, we get to the original film. I've always enjoyed this mean little film, so I was kind of reluctant to check out any of the sequels for a very long time. Yeah, I don't know why I did that either. Don't let how low this one is on the list mean it's any less loved by me. But as much as I cherish the original SNDN, it's the springboard that makes parts 3 through 5 that much stranger and all the more glorious. Not sure what else to say about this other than I'll see you ON THE WARM SIDE OF THE DOOR! 

5) Silent Night (2012) 

Okay, this remake is way better than it has any right to be. I don't love the MORE EXTREME THAN THE ORIGINAL vibe they were going for, but this one is heckin' entertaining. Luckily, this has a great and grounded lead character (and a few charming side characters) to keep it from having the one flaw that always drives me nuts with Black X-mas (2006). Don't worry, I love Black X-mas but everyone in it is pretty much a dickhead or just not memorable. This should've been called Cynical Night or Cynent Night or something? Recommended if you need a trashy stocking stuffer.

6) Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

The disappointment I feel when I think about this film is too much for me to bear. If this has been a short film just about good old "Garbage day!" Ricky himself, I would love it. Instead, this film is stuffed like a Christmas goose with 75% (or more) footage from the original film. One of my single greatest pet peeves in genre film is clip show movies. I hate them. I've heard people say "But this has Ricky AND you don't have to watch the first film because all the good stuff is in this one!" That's nice. I won't say they're wrong because they're not. Who cares? It's just a movie! Instead, I'll just say Merry freakin' Christmas. Or maybe I won't.