The Peanut Butter Solution (1985)

Directed by Michael Rubbo

After witnessing something terrifying in a burned out, abandoned house, a kid named Michael loses all of his hair. After a few days of hiding his baldness under a ridiculous wig, the ghost of a homeless woman who died in the fire takes pity on him and shares her magical recipe for hair growth. Of course, he royally screws up the recipe and it ends up working all too well. When a mysterious villain takes notice of his crazy hair growth and is determined to profit off of it, Michael has to face his fears to solve this hairy situation.

I was the perfect age for The Peanut Butter (1985) when it came out in theaters, but I probably saw it back when it debuted on TV. The whole premise of this film frightened me back in the day. Then the body horror of the utterly impossible hair growth kicks in, and that scared me even more. The other thing I remembered about this one is being very disappointed at the end when it's revealed what Michael saw that inspired his baldness.

Revisiting The Peanut Butter Solution now... Well, I kinda love it! This is an excellent kids movie made with a lot of imagination, a bizarre sense of humor, some whacked out fairy tale logic, and an infectious enthusiasm. I do wonder how kids who lost all their hair in real life would feel about this flick. Yeah, this probably would go over like a lead balloon in that situation. Anyway, I just adore the eccentric characters like the deranged art teacher, the prodigy sister, the best bud who carries a dead ant around in a matchbox, the homeless ghosts, etc.

 

If you're looking for an odd kids movie that is also hyper-Canadian then congratulations, you've found it! The film was beautifully shot by Thomas Vámos, who was the cinematographer on The Gate (1987), so you just know this has some atmospheric moments packed into it. This film also has one of the most insane subplots in a kids film ever as Michael's friend foolishly uses the hair growth formula on his downstairs area. Yep, they went there.The out-of-control hair growth reminds me of the crazy hair thing in Asian horror films. Unfortunately, The Peanut Butter Solution doesn't end like Exte: Hair Extenstions (2007).

Three New Episodes!

Hello! Have you been listening to Hello! This is the Doomed Show lately? Damn yo. We be podcastin'. Brad and I talk about Lucio Fulci's Aenigma. Jeffrey and I talk about the almost forgotten oddity, Sex, Demons, and Death (AKA Diabolicamente... Letizia). But that's not all! Scott MacDonald of EurocultAV.com stopped by to talk about David Cronenberg's Shivers with me. It was pretty awesome.

So kick back, relax, or don't relax, eat something healthy like fruit, break out the chess set, and listen to some men talking!

Look at this busy art I made.

H!TITDS #76 - Prom Night Megasode

No one yet knows the effects of slashers on the minds of human beings. On this show, we predict that by 2010, all humans will be watching slasher movies in bed with their sex partners. That's the first two hours of this episode. In the last 21 minutes, Brad and I discuss the entire Prom Night franchise. So yeah, that's 5 films for the price of none (especially since the 2008 remake is fucking worthless)! We haven't done an episode -oops, excuse me, I meant MEGASODE!!!- this long in a while. It was a lot of work but it was A LOT OF FUN. Listen and enjoy.

Listen to the show and download it right here!

Check out the old episodes in the archive!

Write in to the show: doomedmoviethon[at]gmail[dot]com

The Working Man's Moviethon Volume One

I had a day off coming up so I had an idea, how about a moviethon where I watch as many movies as I can during my normal working hours? My criteria went like this: the film must be unseen by me, it must be streaming on Netflix, and it has to have beeen released in the last 5 years. It also wouldn't hurt if the movie was around 90 minutes or heck, even shorter. I decided to keep my thoughts on each film short, no more than two sentences per "review". Boom. That was my plan. Let's see how it played out... Shall we?

6:00AM - Prepartions.

I can hear my wife LeEtta getting ready for work. I have to remember not to gloat that I have the day off. Chicks don't like that. I wash my face, brush my teeth, and get dressed. I wish her a good day at work and then I get my playlist together. A few of these movies were already in our queue but I need a few more to squeeze in. Once that's done, I pour myself some iced coffee (French vanilla) and start heating up a bagel in the toaster oven. I start the first movie of the day.

6:55AM - Wolfcop (2014)

This is gory fun with a capital "HOLY SHIT!"

8:15AM - The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014)

Wow, just wow. I really wish I had seen this in theaters. A new slasher classic?

9:42AM - Toad Road (2012)

This is the druggiest movie that ever drugged a drug. It requires a fuckton of patience and skinny pants, you'll need skinny pants.

11:02AM - Haunter (2013)

Very nice! A competently made ghost movie with a teen horror sensibilities, great atmosphere, and likeable characters.

12:00PM - Lunch

I made a hotdog and bacon sandwich with cheddar cheese, mustard, and ketchup. Then I had a piece of cherry pie LeEtta made for the 4th of July with vanilla ice cream on top for dessert. I'm awesome.

12:44PM - Alyce Kills (2011)

This took me down a painful road and rewarded me for my agony. Had my favorite moment of the day (pictured above).

2:22PM - Jug Face (2013)

This is the weirdest remake of Kissin' Cousins I've ever seen.

Conclusion

And there you go. Thanks to some short running times, I managed to squeeze 6 movies into my 9 hour day. I even had time to do the dishes and clean up all of the blood before LeEtta got home. I think my favorite film of the day was The Town That Dreaded Sundown with Alyce Kills trailing close behind it. I liked everything but Toad Road was really a slog the more I think about it. The film had a great moment in the middle but it was just grueling but not in a good way. That's the only film out of everything that I watched that I don't recommend.

1976 Double Feature: The Sexy Killer & Death Weekend

It seems that every year that I am alive, I get a year older. And every year my birthday is always today, the 4th of August. Weird, right? Anyway, I am here to celebrate with y'all, my internet budz, by checking out a couple more films from my birth year, 1976. Enjoy!



The Sexy Killer
AKA The Drug Connection
Directed by Chung Sun
1976
Starring Ping Chen, Hua Yueh, Wei Szu, Ching Tien, Yang Chiang, Shen Chan
88 minutes

When her sister goes insane after a heroin overdose, Wan Fei (played by Ping Chen) wages her own war against drugs, going undercover as a junkie/hooker and then shaking down (and killing) mofos for information. Her friend Wei-ping (Hua Yueh) is the only uncorrupted cop in the city but his hands are tied. Things get even more complicated when Wen Fei sets her sights on taking down Lung Tou (Shen Chan), a ruthless drug lord and S&M freakazoid, who has his hand in every pot of corruption in the city.



This Shaw Brothers' remake of Coffy is a freakin' riot. It has all the cynicism, sleaze, and melodrama of the original Pam Grier vehicle plus the gratuitous and gleeful slow motion ultra-violence of They Call Her One Eye. And oh my, it all works! The camerawork is perfect and the colors are vibrant and even occasionally searing. From the bombastic opening credit sequence to it's awesome finale, The Sexy Killer's pacing is exceptional with tons of action, over-the-top acting, and disco fabulousness. This might just be my new favorite Shaw Brothers movie. All that's missing is Sid Haig. Highly recommended if you like movies containing hookers, strippers, pimps, drug dealers, and crooked cops.



"Drugs! Drugs! I hate it so much!"



Death Weekend
AKA The House by the Lake
Directed by William Fruet
1976
Starring Brenda Vaccaro, Don Stroud, Chuck Shamata, Richard Ayres, Kyle Edwards
87 minutes

A dentist named Harry (palyed by Chuck Shamata) brings a model named Diane (Brenda Vaccaro) out to his vacation home out in the boonies. He claims that he is having a big get together but this sleazy duder only has one thing on his mind: banging Diane. On the way out to the house, Harry and Diane run afoul of a quartet of violent scumbags led by a guy named Lep (Don Stroud). Thanks to the help of some local yokels, the creeps manage to follow them to the house and they immediately start making trouble. You know this isn’t going to end well. At least, not for Harry.



Home invasion horror meets rape-revenge thriller in Death Weekend, a nasty little piece of 70s insanity that I like more than I should. Director William Fruet would go on to direct some other genre oddities like Funeral Home, Spasms, Killer Party, and Blue Monkey. I can’t find who composed the music for this film but they did a fine job. The music is eerie, pretty, and very good.



I really like Brenda Vaccaro in this film but the script has some pretty terrible moments of “I will speak my thoughts out loud now” and even worse: "ooh am I enjoying this rape?" As usual, her voice is so husky and breathy that it begs parody (not even SCTV could resist) but I really like her character when she gets pushed too far and starts mopping the floor with the baddies. The always dependable Don Stroud steals the film as Lep, a terrifying psycho fuckwad out looking for trouble with his horrible crew of shitpiles. I like how Harry is not only a wimp but also a terrible pervert loser as well. I’m glad the script adds an extra sleazy vibe to the guy but Chuck Shamata barely holds his own and could have gone farther with his role.



While it turned out to be an engrossing and nail-biting film, I wouldn’t call Death Weekend an essential piece of trash cinema. The menace, tension, and mayhem are all delivered successfully but there is little to elevate this above its place among other similar pieces of pointlessly offensive garbage. That being said, I found myself enjoying the film against my will. So if you’re gonna watch this thing, trust me, the end is worth sticking around for. The finale makes up for the uber-unpleasant setup. I’m sure super-producer Ivan Reitman is very proud of this film to this day.



"Jesus, that broad can drive! That pisses me off!"

Black Christmas (the 2006 one!)

My colleague Eric Grubbs finally experienced the magic of the 2006 remake of Black Christmas and was less than impressed. I love this movie and his post inspired me to revisit this much maligned slasher flick. Yes, the 1974 original is a superior film in every way. Bob Clark's film is creepy, unsettling, and well acted. Who would have thought that this quiet little Canadian masterpiece would become insanely influential as well as a staple for horror fans during the holiday season.

And the newer Black Christmas... well, it did not do and is not any of those things. From the original it takes the title, the setting, the characters' names and screws everything up. Royally. I challenge anyone watching the 2006 film to see if they can find it in their hearts to give a triple rat fuck about any of the characters or what's going on. SPOILER: One of the things that made Bob Clark's Black Christmas so great is that we never learn the identity of the killer. There is this insanely crazy maniac hiding inside the sorority house and that's all we know about him. It's terrifying.

In the remake, we get Billy Lenz, a jaundiced duder with enough backstory to fill the pages of a horror novelette. This is where the film does things right and goes so far away from its source material that they could have just called this something else. Alcoholism, physical and mental abuse, incest, cannibalism- oh yeah, this one's got it all. Instead of making this backstory into its own film, director and writer Glen Morgan gives us two for the price of one by providing the slasheriffic sequel to the this grim little tale in the same movie! I can't help but love this.

Next thing about the remake is the colors. It looks like the set designer vomited Christmas lights and tinsel in every nook and cranny of every shot. I'm all about style over substance so GOD DAMN, the 2006 is distractingly pretty and hilariously tacky to behold. All of this is lovingly filmed by Robert McLachlan (Cursed, "Millenium", "Harper's Island", etc.). Crap! Just talking about this stuff makes me want to watch this movie again, right now. The final selling point of the new Black Christmas is the gore. The unrated DVD gives us more eye violence than you can shake a Fulci at.

The sorority girls are interchangeable and their acting is bad though I can't really blame them since the writing gives them absolutely no reason for the audience to care. The performances by Karin Konoval (as Billy's mother) and Robert Mann (as the sublimely evil Billy Lenz) are great and both should have been given more to do. So, for the love of all that is unholy, watch the original Black Christmas. When you're done doing that, DO NOT watch the remake expecting anything more than a gory, pretty and utterly stupid film. Or don't watch it at all. It helped get me in the holiday spirit. That's all I'm sayin', yo.

New Zealand Horror Part 2

I can't for the life of me remember when I first saw Kitchen Sink. But I do know that it freaked me the fuck out. I'm pretty sure that is the proper response. Anyway, I had no idea it was from New Zealand. Canadian born director Alison Maclean cold rocks the Lynchian freakiness with her black and white short film. And of course, sweet, sweet Youtube has the whole thing.





More NZ trailer madness!

The Weekend

In case you didn't notice, it is Monday. Instead of relating my totally not interesting experience of seeing the new Harry Potter, I thought I'd ramble on about some of the movies I watched this weekend. Okay, one thing about the Potter. We had a pretty good crowd on Sunday; no crying kids, no idiots talking through the movie, etc. However, right when the closing credits came up this old chicken bag about two rows behind the wife and I goes, "Well they SCREWED UP another one of the books!" And I couldn't help but feel pity for this friggin' idiot. I've never read the books so the movies are a magical wonderland for me and I never feel cheated. Heh heh, sucker.

Friday night


I had been hearing a lot of good things about Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer and I certainly wasn't disappointed. This Canadian horror film has great pacing, atmosphere, and a big old chip on its shoulder. And the monsters were incredible. Looks like there is already some plans for a sequel. Awesome.



I never give Matilda a fair shake. I had decided to call it an early night so LeEtta picked this one to watch. As I was wussing out, I couldn't help but sit and watch at least some of this surprisingly dark and hilarious flick. The first time I watched this film all the way through I was kind of embarrassed by some of the schmaltz which has since stopped bothering me. I also have an aversion to Danny DeVito. The duder bothers me. Sure I loved him in Throw Momma from the Train but then came the whole Penguin thing and Jack the Bear. Anyway, I'm starting to like the guy again. The funniest part of Matilda is how cynical and horrible most of the adults are.

Saturday night


The crazy Pang Brothers directed Re-cycle, a fine fantasy horror flick. While it was a little overlong at 108 minutes, the film is so beautiful and strange that it is easy to forgive the length. I did doze off a little during this one but I think the Pang Brothers wanted it that way.



I might as well out myself right now and confess my love for musicals. Now this is not some unrestrained love where I squeal in delight at the thought of sitting through South Pacific or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I am actually quite picky and they have to be at least a little off in some way. Maybe I'll do a list of my favorites one of these days.

Anyway, neither LeEtta nor myself had seen Love Me or Leave Me starring Doris Day and James Cagney and we were both surprised. This is one depressing ass musical and neither of us ever want to see it again. While it is beautifully filmed in CinemaScope and lushly designed (some shots looked like they were out of a Mario Bava flick), the story (partially biographical account of the life of Ruth Etting) was a total downer and an emotional roller coaster. However, all of the songs are great and I don't think Doris Day ever looked sexier than in this flick.

Sunday

(Some nudity in this here trailer.)


Whoa, What a perfect way to follow up Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince! Lady Terminator is an Indonesian piece of complete trash from the same director responsible for the nutty Mystics in Bali. Though it has a supernatural spin on things, this film shamelessly rips off The Terminator even going so far as to lift much of the plot and even dialogue from the 1984 film. The dubbing is so dang terrible that it actually makes the brainless script funny as hell. Highly recommended.



I still can't believe that Venus in Furs, a Jess Franco jazz, horror and kinky sex freakout showed up on Turner Classic Movies last week. This was sitting on my DVR and I was very impressed by how languid and strange this movie is. It moves along and its own pace (SLOW!) and delivers the Euro-trash vibe that my weekend had been missing. I'm not a huge Jess Franco fan and being very choosy about which of his nearly 200 films I watch has been very beneficial.



Last but not least, the amazing Zorro the Gay Blade graced our TV once again. LeEtta picked this one and while I really wanted to shower, shave and head off to bed, I just had to catch as much of this friggin' perfect flick as I could. Everyone in the world needs to watch this George Hamilton classic every day of the week.

Before you all make fun of me for being such a pussy going to bed early all the time, I have to let you know that I am reading before I go to sleep. And what am I always reading (besides Henry Miller and horror Manga) before nodding off? Horror and cult movie research materials! That's right, while you all are out playing Bar Golf, I'm in bed reading about zombie movies. This is my sacrifice to the world. Thank you.

Funeral Home

Funeral Home
Directed by William Fruet
Released: 1980
Starring Kay Hawtrey, Lesleh Donaldson, Barry Morse, Dean Garbett, Stephen E. Miller, Alf Humphreys, Peggy Mahon
Running Time: 93 minutes

Heather (played by Lesleh Donaldson) arrives by bus to help her grandmother, Maude Chalmers (Kay Hawtrey), convert the family funeral home into a bed and breakfast. Sounds like a pretty fantastic idea to me. Miss Chalmers is a God-fearing woman but ever since the disappearance of her mortician husband, she’s been just a tad strange. As some of the guests start to disappear, Heather begins to suspect that something terrible may be going on.

Canadian William Fruet, the man behind all kinds of wacky movies such as Spasms, Death Weekend and Blue Monkey, directs this simple but atmospheric cheapie that is actually pretty decent. The story is very simple (it should only take you about 4 and a half seconds to figure out) but has lots of holes. For instance, why does this little shitbox town have so many tourists anyway?

I can’t help but love the simple, easy-going and all American- um... okay, Canadian folks in this movie. Heather will steal your heart because she is just so darn adorable (especially in that frumpy one piece she wears to the rock quarry (where all the kids go)). There’s a hapless (yet intermittently brilliant) rookie cop named Joe (Alf Humphreys) who knows that there is some hinky stuff going on but just can’t seem to put the clues together.

Kay Hawtrey tears shit up as Maude Chalmers, a scrappin’ broad who just cannot stand sinners. I totally side with her, by the way. And it just wouldn’t be a rural thriller without a subnormal farmhand snooping around. His name is Billy Hibbs, he’s played by Stephen E. Miller and he is horny and angry (but you know he’s the reddest red herring of them all).

When all is said and done, Funeral Home is an okay way to kill an hour and a half. The camerawork is excellent and the film has an undeniably unsettling atmosphere. There isn’t much blood but there are enough of those early 80s short shorts to make any viewer nauseous. The climax is very tense even though we’ve known what the twist (I hesitate calling it that) was going to be all along.

Ethereal STDs

I'm sick. It's pretty much a really bad head cold but there are moments where I would swear that it is terminal. Before I crawl back into bed, I thought I would post something about my young exposure to The Entity. I thought about posting this to the amazing Kindertrauma but it's really nothing more than a fleeting memory.

In case you don't know, The Entity is a harrowing supernatural thriller where Barbara Hershey's character is repeatedly raped and physically beaten by an invisible spirit. All I remember about the experience is sitting around with my folks and watching this painful and disconcerting film and feeling more than a little embarrassed. I don't think I could have been more than 8 years old and all I really learned was that ghosts sure as shit don't know how to treat a lady.

SPOILER: Something I don't remember about the film is that the ghost is never really defeated. She moves away and the attacks become less and less frequent and severe. That's kind of anticlimactic and um... disturbing.