Hello! This is the Doomed Show - Smile Before Death (1972)

Monster! #17 - Lady Frankenstein Article

Hey gang. I know it seems like I've been slinging a lot stuff lately. So bear with me once again while I tell you about Monster! #17. My article about Lady Frankenstein inspired the cover art for the issue. Am I honored? YES! Am I proud? YES! Am I going to walk like an Egyptian? NO! Or maybe I will. As some of you may know, I love Lady Frankenstein more than most everything else and I think my article captures that love in wordy things. But wait, there's more! This issue is 118 pages of monster movie love with a bunch of rad writers including my pal Troy Howarth.

You can get this issue at Amazon or Createspace.

HTITDS # 37 - Lady Frankenstein/2 Year Anniversary

It has been a long and crazy road over the last 2 years but Brad and I have held it together (sort of). For our 2 year anniversary show, we talk about Lady Frankenstein starring Rosalba Neri. We also talk about our favorite non-horror directors and some favorite non-horror movies. Fun fun fun fun fun fun funn f ufn fufnf ufndf udnf dufdn fudfndf jkal024 09090.

Listen here.

Dig on the archives, kids.

Franco Friday #8: 99 Women

Franco Friday #8

Okay, who just stuck a shiv in my throat? Was it you, number 76? Why must you always be like that? I didn't know that was your cornbread! I may be speaking out of turn here but I think someone needs to see the psychologist about certain rage issues brought on by repressed memories of lesbian rape! Anyway, here is my dichotomous review of 99 Women, damn it.



99 Women
Directed by Jess Franco
1969
Starring Maria Schell, Herbert Lom, Mercedes McCambridge, Maria Rohm, Rosalba Neri, Elisa Montes
86 minutes

The prisoners of the female jail nicknamed the “Castille de la Muerte” sure do got it rough. Their names are taken away and they are given numbers. Their fancy clothes are replaced with drab and very short, gray dresses. Worst of all, their warden is Thelma Diaz (played by Mercedes McCambridge), a diminutive sociopath whose only real accomplishment is making her lady prisoners suffer. She also lets Governor Santos (Herbert Lom), warden of a nearby men’s prison, have his pick of the most beautiful girls for his unwholesome desires.



Enter Leonie Caroll (played by Maria Schell). She has been sent by the government to inspect the prison which will likely lead to Thelma losing her vice-like grip on the prison. All hell breaks loose when three prisoners decide to make a break for it. Helga (Elisa Montes), Marie (Maria Rohm), and Rosalie (Valentina Godoy) take off through the jungle to freedom but run into a group of AWOL prisoners from the men’s prison. Things do not end well, let me tells ya.



I’m not going to lie, I’m not really a huge fan of the Women-In-Prison genre. Rape, degradation, and limitless sorrow? I get enough of that from one episode of Glee. I will say this, 99 Women sure as hell starts off with a bang. Some lovely lady prisoners being taken by boat to the “Castille de la Muerte” accompanied by a kickass theme song is a pretty fantastic opener. I asked myself, “Is this the one? Is this the WIP flick that’s going to break me? Why is my heart beating so fast?” But then the film settles into what I consider pretty humdrum stuff for this type of film: lesbian rape and non-lesbian rape! RAPE RAPE RAPE! I really like the flashbacks showing how some of the girls ended up in the jail in the first place.



Anyway, what does make this film watchable is the phenomenal cast. Everyone is totally awesome here. Mercedes McCambridge is perfect as Thelma Diaz, the insanely cruel warden. Herbert Lom is definitely not wasted as the sadistic piece of shit, Governor Santos. These two actors chew up the scenery like it was something that you chew on a lot and they were the kind of people who chew on stuff a lot.



Maria Schell is very good as Leonie, a woman who genuinely wants to help the lady prisoners. Isn’t that nice? Elisa Montes (who looks a little like Bjork) really stands out as the tough as nails Helga who keeps moving forward even when everything looks grim. My absolute favorite actress in the film is Rosalba Neri (Lady Frankenstein, Amuck!) as the conniving rapist bitch, Zoe. Was Neri ever not good in a movie? Seriously, the more evil and the more nasty she gets, the more I love her!



I both love and hate 99 Women, just like I both love and hate the ending. I was incredibly depressed after this film was over and I realized that I really cared about the prisoners. It also occurred to me that I wanted to jump into the TV and take a machine gun to their captors. The film is incredibly stylish with great camerawork and phenomenal locations and sets. This is definitely worth watching even if you’re not really into this type of film and that vibe of hopelessness will stay with you days afterward. I will say that I found the middle portion of the film rather tedious and dreary because damn it, I like my women like I like my coffee: FREE! But with lots of cream and sugar.



Spoilers

And that ending! What the hell? Thank for you for not resolving a fucking thing there, Franco! I am drowning in melancholy here and I kind of like it. But that is what makes this movie kind of great. It doesn’t give you a hero or a Deus Ex Machina to rescue my homegirls. 99 Women does whatever the hell it wants. It doesn’t care about you. Shit, I seriously watched that ending at least 10 times. That shot of Leonie leaving the prison, defeated and the girls just watching her go. I got major goosebumps there. That look on Zoe’s face! I’m telling you, Rosalba Neri can do no wrong. It pisses me off but I can’t deny how frustratingly awesome that ending is. By the way, on the Blue Underground DVD, there is an alternate ending which made me a little happier. It shows the good doctor returning to the island with the authorities to shut the place down. Thanks for that, I needed a little solace.

Please note: I almost forgot. There is some animal abuse in this film so tread carefully. A snake gets his head bashed in by some idiot actor in this movie. Lame!

Lucifera: Demon Lover

Lucifera: Demon Lover
AKA L’amante del Demonio
Directed by Paolo Lombardo
Released: 1972
Starring Edmond Purdom, Rosalba Neri, Spartaco Conversi, Francesca Lonti, Carla Mancini
Running Time: 80 minutes
DVD Studio: Mya Communication



Helga (played by Rosalba Neri) and her friends are out sightseeing one day when they pass by a lovely castle in the countryside. Inside they find a creepy butler (John Benedy) who invites them to dinner. Suddenly, Helga doesn’t feel very well and she is encouraged to have a rest in one of the bedrooms. She falls asleep and is transported to another time. In this past life, Helga is about to marry a handsome man named Hans (Ferdinando Poggi) but she is afraid that her marriage is cursed after a mysterious hooded stranger sees her wedding dress.



Desperate to prevent bad things from befalling her marriage, Helga approaches an old crone who tells her of a good luck spell. Helga needs her two friends to carry out this sketchy magic and they agree to join her at the gallows. Once the spell is cast, her friends are taken away by a coven of witches/vampires. Thinking that she has it made, Helga prepares for her big day but then a mysterious stranger named Gunther (Edmund Purdom) shows up and presents her with a new proposition. He offers her limitless pleasure and all she has to do is sacrifice Hans on her wedding night. Will Helga be tempted by the DEVILish man?





By the early 1970s, the Italian gothics had lost their edge. The budgets got smaller, the gore (yay!) and the sex (meh.) got more explicit, and things just seemed to be winding down for the subgenre. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. Obviously, I wish that more directors slumming in this crap had made some cheap gialli instead. And yet there are some magnificent films from this era (such as The Devil’s Wedding Night and Blood Castle) but they are usually campy and more than a little rough around the edges. Paolo Lombardo’s 1972 film, Lucifera: Demon Lover, is a particularly clunky example of compensating for a lack of suspense and scares by throwing in more skin.



The title card promises the audience a film in the tradition of the Grand Guignol. Well, this mishmash of Satanic horror, vampirism, sex, torture, and low cut gowns is definitely entertaining once it gets going (after the friggin’ half hour mark). The cinematography by Antonio Modica is a little drab for my tastes but he gets the job done. I really dig the musical score by Elvio Monti. He gets points for keeping things nice and tacky. The plot is a little gamy with its reliance on adding too many characters and trashy sex scenes (not that I was all that surprised).



I love Rosalba Neri (Amuck!) and she is definitely the best thing about this movie (despite some busty competition from some of her co-stars). I really love how her character Helga is willing to sacrifice her friends because she thinks it will protect her. Nice job spoiling your innocence, you dumb stupid idiot. Of course, I would be a fool not to mention the awesome Edmund Purdom (of Rosso Sangue) who makes his Gunther AKA Satan character into a real charmer. There are some other kind of cool actors involved here but none of them get to do much acting. Plus, there’s just too much going to keep track of everybody. How many sped up swordfights can one man handle? The answer is none but this film has more than that.



While picking on the logic of a film with a setup as thin as Lucifera: Demon Lover is a little too easy, I have to call this one out on a few doozies. First up is one actress complaining about how dark it’s getting outside and how she and her friends should hurry home. Lady, it ain’t even dusk! It continues to look like 2 in the afternoon for the next few scenes and boy is it distracting. The other mistake that I cannot overlook is the cellophane window. There is a scene where someone is standing in a doorway and the windowpanes of the door are covered in cellophane stapled to the frame. I did not realize they had that stuff back in medieval Italy.



What can I say? I hate to be a jerk to Lucifera: Demon Lover but this is one mediocre flick. As usual, I’m trying not to let my love for Italian trash override my ability to judge this sexed up and only slightly bloody junk objectively. If you can’t get enough of Rosalba Neri (and seriously who the hell can?), then check this one out. You’ll be better off with something more fun (and more lucid) like her classic performance in Lady Frankenstein. All the thunderstorms, candelabras, graveyards, and see through negligees can’t save this one but you could definitely find worse ways to waste 80 minutes. Oh and what the hell was with that last line? Paolo Lombardo (who also wrote this ass-terpiece) had no idea how to gracefully end his film and so we get Edmund Purdom spouting some gibberish and smirking at the camera before the “FINE” pops up.



Quotes

“My wedding dress. It was contaminated.”

DVD Stuff

Mya Communications brings this forgotten title to DVD but not without some trouble. The print is pretty grubby. It’s got a bunch of scratches, blips, blackouts, washouts, muted colors, and is occasionally too soft for the eyes. The Italian audio is pretty clear though it gets a little quiet once in a while. What keeps their version of Lucifera: Demon Lover from being only slightly better than a bootleg are the easy-to-read subtitles and its anamorphic widescreen presentation.