Ann (The Babysitter)

My band GYROJETS has a new song called "Ann (The Babysitter)". It's about Ann (played by the lovely Ania Pieroni) from Lucio Fulci's The House by the Cemetery, my favorite film of all time. We're still learning the song so it's a little rough and it may get a tad different* but I thought you Eurohorror fanatics might enjoy this recording from last Sunday night.

*I'm going to try and squeeze an Oak Mansion reference in there somewhere.

The Gays

This might be the most insane trailer I've ever been asked to share. Work safe? Not unless you work somewhere amazing!

For more info, go here.

Now... The Gays.

Top 10 Post-1974 Gialli

Even though the giallo genre continues, albeit very shakily, to this day, I've always felt that the boom was OVER by 1974. I'm not happy about that but I find the gialli post-boom era extremely interesting. Some territories must have been craving bloody mystery films or else these films would have stopped forever. Here's a list that I threw together because lists are the essence of blogging.

10. A Blade in the Dark (1982)

“This is all the whiskey that you possess?” is my favorite line from a giallo ever and that alone lands this film on my list, even if it is the last spot. Lamberto Bava (or “Lambava” as Brad and I call him) really nailed this claustrophobic, atmospheric, incredibly violent, and wacky film. The English dubbing is gloriously cheesy and all of the female characters are weirdos. The score by Guido and Maurizio De Angelis is ethereal and haunting. What keeps this film so low on my list here is that it is definitely a little too long at 109 minutes.

9. Trauma (1993)

Of course, I already know that I’m going to be putting too much of one director on this friggin’ list, I A lot of people dog this movie but I straight up love it. Argento’s second attempt at conquering the American market (the first being Two Evil Eyes) certainly worked on me as a teenage person. I found this film haunting and thoroughly strange and in some ways it still is. In other ways, it is insanely stupid and melodramatic to the point of hilariousness. The whole bit about anorexia will have you shaking your head at this film’s clumsy attempts at tackling a serious issue. I’m not sure if I can recommend this film to you unless you are 16 years old and me. You have to be me.

8. Trhauma (1980)

This is a strange, slasher-esque, and rather obscure one that Brad recommended to me and I was glad when I finally got around to it. This one really gets under your skin and features some excellent disco music and oddball characters. You will probably be scratching your head just like I was by the incredibly abrupt ending. At only 78 minutes, you can’t go wrong with a bunch of strange dudes and gorgeous actresses being stalked in a creepy old house. I can’t wait to re-watch Trhauma. Yep, that’s how they spell it.

7. The Stendhal Syndrome (1996)

When it comes to baffling movies, you would be hard pressed to find one more outrageously bizarre than what I consider Argento’s last truly great film to date. I will never forget being totally floored and genuinely shocked by The Stendhal Syndrome when I first saw it many years ago. I went into it only having seen a couple of Argento’s films and oh man, I was totally unprepared for this insanity. An incredible score by Ennio Morricone coupled with intensely beautiful and wildly brutal visuals make for a wonderful mix. I suggest multiple viewings of this one.

6. Autopsy (1975)

Mindbendingly sleazy and obsessively morbid describe this piece of really well made trash. Mimsy Farmer, Ray Lovelock, and Barry Primus in a sicko love triangle that makes me want to wash my hands just from typing about it. Solar flares, mass suicides, dead bodies, an 8mm porn collection, a Death Museum, racecars, a pervert with a limp (a limp what?), pseudoscience, and undead hallucinations are just parts that make this a crazy whole bunch of crazy crazy CRAZY CRA- Sorry, must be those solar flares.

5. The Psychic (1977)

When it comes to Fulci’s masterpieces, this is Fulci’s masterpiece. As you probably have already suspected, I am a fan of Lucio Fulci and his gialli are very near and very dear to me. If you’ve only seen the director’s gorier efforts like The Beyond or City of the Living Dead, then you absolutely must behold this masterful giallo. This film is a death circle that just keeps going around and around and around and the music by Bixio/Frizzi/Tempera is some next level shit. You gotta get on this.

4. Murder Obsession AKA Murder Syndrome (1980)

Oh Riccardo Freda, you magical bastard! I didn’t even realize this was a giallo until my third viewing. There is so much gothic freakiness packed into this little gem that I was just bewildered. The more I watch Murder Obsession, the happier I become in my life. Anita Strindberg’s last movie? And it’s a doozy too. Fake bats, fake spiders, out-of-body experiences, a chainsaw, ghostly recordings, religious symbolism, Laura Gemser (not my cup of tea but you know, whatever), a Satanic cult, adultery, etc. Get off your ass right now and then go and sit on your ass and watch this movie.

3. Eyeball (1975)

When someone says to you, “What in the damn hell fuck is a giallo, anyway?” Show them this film. I can’t stress enough how important this film is for genre fans. If you only ever watch one giallo then make it this one. I’m serious. Umberto Lenzi made an entertaining, trashy (but not sleazy), and goofy movie that gets better with every viewing and is just fun to watch with giallo-newbs. I still prefer Seven Bloodstained Orchids but this is a very close second. Where the hell is the Blu-ray?

2. The House with Laughing Windows (1976)

Don’t even get me started with this one. If anyone talks any smack about Pupi Avati, I swear I will pull a knife and start some shit. When it comes to injecting some class into a classless genre, look no further than this film (or –sigh- Short Night of the Glass Dolls (if you insist)). The dread packed into every frame of this lush period piece never fails to have me on the edge of my seat. Art and the obsessive search for the truth aren’t just themes in this film, they are cosmic forces playing against the main character and it is a horrible joy to watch. Brilliant.

1. Tenebre (1982)

I’m kind of surprised to see this at the number one spot on my list. I’ve never cared for this movie. It is too sedate, too artless, too generic. Of course, I’m kidding. Argento got cold feet and decided to screw his fans out of a Three Mothers film (for 27 years) after Suspiria and Inferno by dropping this giallo bombshell on the world. If you wanted to say something to the effect of: the genre died here. Go on, you can say it. Argento straight up killed it to death with Tenebre. This film is truly deranged and over-the-top. Tenebre will trample you with style and leave you wanting more. I need to watch this again right now.

My wife is amazing...

LeEtta wrote a novel called Penelope Sea and Ocean End. She is posting it chapter by chapter on her blog. She also did the illustrations! Start here. You should check out her blog too while you're there. Do it!

H!TITDS Episode #60 - Delirium

Hey look! A new episode! That's right, y'all. This is the second-to-last episode of the year. New shows will be recorded and delivered right to you in January of 2015. But that's the future. What's in the past? Well well well, let me tell you all about it. Jeffrey and I recorded an episode about the freakin' insane giallo, Delirium. Listen right here, please. Be sure to get your fill of those classic Doomed Show episodes:

Dig on the archives, y'all.

The Halloween 2014 Playlist

Here are the movies, Halloween specials, and Halloween TV episodes that my lovely wife and I watched this October.

October 1st

- Rocky Horror Picture Show, Idle Hands

October 2nd

- Halloween Night Frights (Travel Channel), The Worst Witch, Sleepy Hollow

October 3rd

- The Crow, The Vampire Bat, Lawrence Welk "Halloween 1978

October 4th

- Halloweentown, May, Halloween Wars (Food Network)

October 5th

- Halloweentown II: Kalabar's Revenge, Halloweentown High, Halloween Wars (Food Network)

October 6th

- The Dark Hours, The Monitor, Halloween's Scariest Fright Nights (Travel Channel)

October 7th

- Practical Magic, Return to Halloweentown

October 8th

- When Good Ghouls Go Bad, Cursed

October 9th

- Addams Family, Agatha Christie's Poirot "Halloween Party"

October 10th

- Haunted America(?), Bewitched (movie)

October 11th

- SCTV "Zontar", Addams Family Values

October 12th

- The Witches, Mythbusters "Halloween episode", Cowboy Bebop: The Movie

October 13th

- Halloween Wars (Food Network), My Best Friend is a Vampire, Once Bitten

October 14th

- Most Terrifying Places in America (Travel Channel) 2 episodes

October 15th

- Most Terrifying Places in America (Travel Channel), DIY Haunted Houses

October 16th

- Hellboy, The Blair Witch Project

October 17th

- Mad Monster Party, The Corpse Bride

October 18th

- Halloween's Most Extreme (Travel Channel), Martha Stewart Halloween DVD, The Black Cat (Fulci), Lawrence Welk "Halloween 1975"

October 19th

- Beverly Hills 90210 "Halloween", Trick R Treat, Halloween Wars (Food Network)

October 20th

- 7th Heaven "Halloween", Buffy the Vampire Slayer "All the Way", NewsRadio "Halloween", Halloween is Grinch Night, The Halloween Tree, The Paul Lynde Halloween Special, Witch's Night Out, My So Called Life "Halloween", Don't Look Under the Bed

October 21st

- Blade

October 22nd

- The Fog

October 23rd

- Nightmare Before Christmas

October 24th

- Hocus Pocus, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark

October 25th

- The Innocents, The Uninvited, The Mummy

October 26th

- Party of Five "Wrestling Demons", Venture Brothers "A Very Venture Halloween", Paranorman, Scary Godmaother

October 27th

- Spooky Treats Unwrapped (Food Network), The Lost Boys

October 28th

- Buffy the Vampire Slayer (movie), Blade II

October 29th

- Hellboy II

October 30th

- Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Cemetery Man, Buffy the Vampire Slayer two episodes: "Halloween", "Fear Itself"

October 31st

- Sabrina the Teenage Witch 4 episodes, Clueless 2 episodes, Newhart "Take Me to Your Loudon", Pumpkin Carving with Gordy Falk, Garfield's Halloween Adventure, Dracula 2000, Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide "Halloween/Vampires, Ghosts, Werewolves, and Zombies", Slumber Party Massacre, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Jem "Trick or Techrat", Angry Beavers Halloween Special, iCarly "Halloween", Night of the Living Dead

My Halloween Blog Post

Well, holy crap. It's Halloween again. I had some content planned to drop today but my computer decided that it wasn't meant to be. Back in Semptember, I recorded a moviethon where I watched 9 of the 10 films from the Halloween franchise. I decided to pass on Halloween III: Season of the Witch because Michael Myers wasn't in it. I am a fan of that film but yeah, it was The Doomed Michael Myers-a-thon so parts 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8 as well as the Rob Zombie remakes were all in there. The video editing was going fine until my computer started crashing and I realized that I'm just too busy to fight and struggle and get it ready for you guys by today. Fear not for I will finish editing that video eventually and post it so you guys can watch it.

Check out the Freddy Cougar Moviethon.

And the Friday the 13th Voorheesathon.

One other thing that will pop up here eventually is my wife's and my October playlist. We have been keeping track of all of our spooky, haunted, and horrifying movies, TV specials, and Halloween episodes that we've watched this month. It should be a pretty massive post with all kinds of crazy shit in there. While I always wish we could have watched more, I can't complain too much just glancing at the piece of notebook paper that we've been filling up (front and back).

Just a quick note about the podcast: Thanks to me, Hello! This is the Doomed Show is taking a little break until January. I got really burnt out on editing the show and making it beautiful for your ears. We have two episodes and one special treat in the can so to speak and I will be dropping those on you every month until Brad, Jeffrey, Nafa, and myself are back in the studio recording new shiznit. The goal is to get something, anything recorded, edited, and delivered to the Podomatic feed in January. We have all kinds of good stuff lined up so you should be excited. We've been doing the show for 3 years now and that just blows my mind.

So that's all for now. I apologize for being so busy lately. Between the band, FAUXRROR, the zine, the podcast, the Giallo Meltdown book (still in the editing phase), various video editing projects, and reading lots of comic books, I am friggin' exhausted. My wife and I also bought a dang hang house this year so A LOT of time has been devoted to creating a living space out of 1949-era home. So anyway, I'm looking forward to 2015 as being the Year That Some Cool Stuff Happens. C U THERE, duders.

H!TITDS - FAUXRROR PROMO

Listen as Nafa and I do things to microphones that shouldn't be done. We talk about FAUXRROR and how it came to be. I make an announcement about the show. Be sure to stick around and listen to a track of FAUXRROR. It's called "Clown Syndrome". Enjoy.

Listen to the best 8 minutes ever right here.

FAUXRROR Video Promo!

Please to be watching my video movie promotional materials:

Buy your FAUXRROR right here!

More FAUXRROR info right here!

FAUXRROR - Out Now On Goblinhaus Records!!

FAUXRROR (pronounced like 'Horror' but with an 'F') is a music project by my friends Nafa Fa'alogo, Zac Tomlinson, and myself. FAUXRROR makes music for horror films that don't exist. From Zombie Hitler to Vampire Ravers to Betsy the Bloody Harlot of the Brooklyn Morgue, we squeeze all the imaginary cult horror film goodness into every track that we can muster. Well gang, I am proud as hell to be telling you right now that Goblinhaus Records has released Fauxrror on CD! As an added bonus when you buy FAUXRROR, you get a free exclusive download of my new album called "Terror", my tribute to real horror movies! You know what that's called? That's called a DOUBLE WHAMMY, y'all! Here come the links:

You can get FAUXRROR here at Goblinhaus Records.

You can read about the fake films (FAUXnopses) and see the poster art (FAUXsters) right here at Doomed Moviethon.

For more spookiness, check out Goblinhaus.com!

Festival de Historias Extraordinarias de Terror

I found this magical little Mexican gem at a garage sale last Sunday and I'm just blown away by this lineup. So for 14 days sometime in the 1970s or 1980s, a bunch of lucky people got to watch the following films:

(If anyone knows what year this event took place and can confirm that these films are correct, please comment!)

Thursday, February 23rd:

The Abominable Dr. Phibes
The Oblong Box

Friday, February 24th:

Witchfinder General
Whatever Happened to Aunt Alice?

Saturday, February 25th:

The Curse of the Werewolf
The Phantom of the Opera

Sunday, February 26th:

The Night God Screamed
El Vampiro (?)

Monday, February 27th:

I Saw What You Did
The Haunted Strangler

Tuesday, February 28th:

The Haunted Palace
The Raven

Wednesday, February 29th:

Tales of Terror
The Masque of the Red Death

Thursday, March 1st:

Count Yorga, Vampire
The Return of Count Yorga

Friday, March 2nd:

El Sotano del Terror (?)
The Name of the Game is Kill!

Saturday, March 3rd:

The Thing with Two Heads
Scream and Scream Again

Sunday, March 4th:

House of Usher
El Regreso del Monstruo

Monday, March 5th:

La Conspiracion de los Vampiros (?)
The Crimson Cult

Tuesday, March 6th:

Madhouse
The Deathmaster

Wednesday, March 7th:

Cry of the Banshee
The Psychopath

Stingray Shuffle

I made a music video for my buds, Twisty Chris and the Puddin' Packs. Check it out:

Scooby Doo Gialli

Check out the friggin' awesome trailer that Jeffrey of Nessun Timore and Hello! This is the Doomed Show made for his article in the new issue of Fang of Joy. It's pretty damn outstanding:

The Vampire Bat

The Vampire Bat
Directed by Frank Strayer
1933
Lionel Atwill, Fay Wray, Melvyn Douglas, Maude Eburne, Dwight Frye
63 minutes

Someone or something has been draining people of blood in a small German village. The village council and its Bürgermeister (played by Lionel Belmore) are convinced that there is something supernatural at foot including but not limited to vampires and giant vampire bats. Karl, the police inspector (Melvyn Douglas), is skeptical and laughs at such impossibly superstitious suggestions. All he wants to do is catch the criminal behind the murders. His love interest is Ruth Bertin (Fay Wray), assistant to local doctor/scientist, Dr. Otto von Niemann. They try to get intimate during every moment alone they can steal but Aunt Gussie (Maude Eburne) is always cockblocking. Things get even more tense in the village when local nutbar Herman (Dwight Frye) is seen behaving strangely and befriending bats.

SPOILERS:

Of course, Herman is totally innocent. His only crime is being a frickin' weirdo and all that necrophilia (not actually in this movie, I was just seeing if you were paying attention). While the ignorant townsfolk are busy murdering Herman, the mastermind behind all of this blood-draining madness, Dr. Otto, is free to continue his quest for blood. He needs the blood to feed his creation: a pulsating heart that he has created himself. Small town doctor just wasn't good enough for this guy, he just had to go for mad scientist status. Niemann has hypnotized one of his assistants, Emil (Robert Frazer), into running around town, acquiring blood for him. Shit gets real when Ruth eavesdrops on him giving orders to Emil who is out on the prowl for Karl's blood.

END OF SPOILERS

What a revelation The Vampire Bat was! Full disclosure: I am very negligent when it comes to horror films pre-1950. It's not just horror, I am a tad impatient with any film that old from any genre. I'm just impatient with the golden oldies but I'm trying to get better. Every time that I stop being a wuss and check out something like, oh let's say, The Mummy (1932), and I am kicking myself in the dick for not watching it sooner. Why was I more open-minded as a kid? So ANYWAY, I should probably talk about The Vampire Bat.

Melvyn Douglas is amazing. His character, Karl, doles out some seriously unthinkable sarcasm. Every line he utters in that first scene with the village council is just ludicrously acerbic. Fay Wray is instantly likeable onscreen and is incredibly cute. I liked Lionel Atwill quite a bit but man oh man, the screen is stolen by Dwight Frye. This guy is just electric as Herman, the town crazy doomed to be misunderstood and ultimately destroyed by dumb motherfuckers. He brought a smile to my face from his first lines and I was super bummed out when his character meets his end.

One thing this movie has is some "comic relief" in the form of Aunt Gussie. Think of Una O'Connor in Bride of Frankenstein only fucking stupider or more dumb. I don't know who's aunt she is but man oh man, she doesn't die quick enough for me. Also, she doesn't die in the movie so yeah, NOT QUICK ENOUGH! This jackass is a hypochondriac of the highest order and she only seems to like hanging out with Dr. Niemann and Ruth in case she needs some meds. The more I write about her, the more my hatred grows.

I am glad that my self-imposed ignorance of old movies is finally paying off in that I have decades of old horror films to catch up on. My incorrect perception of horror films, especially from the 1930s was that they were clunky in dialog and plotting (which they totally are but I totally dig now (totally)) and stuffy (which they usually aren't). The camera is suprisingly fluid in this film. Some dolly shots combined with clever cutting make for some excellent sequences that are really eye­-opening given this film is over 80 years old. There is lots of spooky atmospherics to be found in this picture that horror fans will eat up plus the pseudoscience and the weirdness will make you nod knowingly or smile like a dang hyena (or maybe that's just me). Highly recommended if you haven't seen this one already (but your probably already have).

"Well, I don't mind admitting that I'm up a tree. Stumped!"

The Moviethon Vlog Episode #27.5

This is it, folks! The second issue of Fang of Joy: Eurohorror and Giallo Zine is finally ready for you. In this issue we cover subjects like Paul Naschy in Fury of the Wolfman, Blue Eyes of the Broken Doll, The People Who Own the Dark, and Frankenstein's Bloody Terror; Werner Herzog's Nosferatu; Pete Walker's Frightmare; Michele Soavi's The Sect; the George Romero-inspired Italian Zombie series; Umberto Lenzi's Nightmare Beach; the infamous slasher Pieces coupled with Sergio Martino's Torso; Dog Soldiers. Not enough for you? Good because there's more! This issue features an interview with Italian cinema master Ruggero Deodato and an interview with the German morbid-king Jörg Buttgereit. There's even an Essential Giallo Checklist- have you seen them all? Every issue comes with a free Doomed Moviethon sticker.

Want to trade horror movie zines? Or you don't use eBay? Email me: doomedmoviethon(at)gmail.com and we'll work something out.