My Horror Shelfie #47 - From Rabid To The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Week Of Aussome

I love Australia. Their films are something else. No really, I don't know what in the heck is up with them! I decided to gather together some Australian films, some unseen and some I hadn't watched in many, many years, to see what I could um... see. There wasn't time for a proper moviethon so I just spaced out the films over a week to save myself from going completely insane. Was I successful? Let's find out.

Monday

Dangerous Game (1988)

Some dumb and irresponsible college ne'er-do-wells run afoul of a deranged Irish police officer named Murphy (Steven Grives) and make matters worse by breaking into a department store after hours. The aforementioned psycho cop follows them to the store, traps them inside, and hunts them down. This incredibly colorful and stylish effort comes from Stephen Hopkins, the director of A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Child (1989).

Grives's performance of Murphy is completely unhinged and freakin' intense. With its delirious visions and unreal atmosphere, it's no wonder that Dangerous Game has stuck in my head since I was a kid. The film is a little overlong but I think they just needed time to sneak in more weird shit. When a consumer dream turns into a nightmare, you'd better watch out! I'm too scared to check and see if that's a real tagline for this film.

Tuesday

The Cars That Ate Paris (1974)

If I've seen this before then I must've been drunk because I don't remember a damn thing about it. In a tiny town called Paris, there's a conspiracy afoot- or should I say "awheel"? Arthur (Terry Camilleri), an unemployed duder, gets stranded in Paris after his brother is killed in a horrific car accident. It isn't long before he begins to suspect that the citizens' unique economy might be more than slightly sinister.

The music score by Bruce Smeaton is utterly gorgeous. Speaking of gorgeous, Max Spence of Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) is in this! The Cars That Ate Paris is darkly funny and tragically sad. And it just turned into a spaghetti western. We'll be seeing more from director Peter Weir this week.

"I hope you realize I'm being flippant."

Thursday

Out of the Body (1989)

Woops! I had to skip a day to recover from a sinus headache but I'm back at it. Brian Trenchard-Smith, you magical bastard! An invisible force is killing successful women and college professor/composer David Gaze (Mark Hembrow) is somehow connected. I'm getting a giallo vibe from this wacky stuff. Gaze dreams of the crimes as they happen but doesn't know how to stop the killer. Finally, Gaze thinks he's got his big break once he dreams of a famous newscaster but thinks don't go so well when tries to warn her.

Wait, is his cat supposed to be involved in the crimes? And why is the killer collecting the eyes of his victims? I have no idea. But there's a sub-subplot where a detective constantly sexually harasses his female coworker. Classy, dude. There's a swimming pool at night scene! I love those. Always consult your physician before you even consider astral projecting. This one is kind of a wacko Aussie version of The Eyes of Laura Mars (1978). I like it!

Friday

Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

It's been so long since I've seen this film that the only thing I remember about it is that it's beautiful and the giant cave of genetically engineered albino half-man, half-wombats at the end. Sorry for the spoiler. Of course, Aussie mainstay, John Jarratt, is in this one! I adore the magical, science fiction-y vibe of this classic. I don't want to say that the cause of the mysterious events at Hanging Rock (a really big rock) is aliens but it's aliens.

Three young girls and a teacher disappear on a field trip out to Hanging Rock. This was back in the early 1900s so they didn't have Instagram or anything. LeEtta and I would like to know why the fat character has to be so annoying. We feel attacked! Damn, this gets creepy. What the frick? The haunting vocal bits of the score remind me of The Beyond (1981). Hold up, this wasn't based on a true story? Did everyone else know that but me?

The Last Wave (1977)

The Last Wave has been on my radar but it has kept eluding me, until now. Some movies are lil rascals! Freak weather patterns throw Australia into chaos. It's up to Richard Chamberlain to save the day! He uncovers a gang of Eco-terrorists who've hijacked a weather machine and unless the government enacts stricter emissions testing, they will drown Australia in a snowdrift. There's water in every scene of this film which means that the viewer has to peepee.

Chamberlain gets called in as legal council for a group of Indigenous Australians accused of killing a man under mysterious circumstances. The weird thing is that he's been dreaming of their de-facto leader Chris Lee (David Gulpilil) for days before ever meeting him. The sound design in this film is so damn good. I hope that movies are still being made with sound nowadays. By the end of this film, I'm in awe. Tonight was a quite a journey. Thank you, Mr. Weir(d).

Saturday

Fortress (1985)

Here comes a blast from my past. As a kid, this movie freaked me out so bad. A gang of creepos in animal masks kidnaps a (hot) teacher named Sally Jones (Rachel Ward) and her schoolchildren to get some of that bloody red Australian ransom money. They take the kids and their teacher out to Hanging Rock and stick them in a hole while waiting for the parents to pay up.

Some of the music in this film is blowing my mind and not a good way. Sally ("Miss Jones" if you're nasty) and her kids are very resourceful and MacGyver their way out of their hole and into our hearts. Fortress is much less disturbing now that I'm in my late 80s but it's still got some bite to it. Hoo boy, if there was ever a film that teaches you not to mess with Australians, this is it. Director Arch Nicholson served as second unit director on the next film I'm covering!

Razorback (1984)

LeEtta and I were watching The 13th Floor (1988) when the sound on my copy went perilously out of sync. It was not ideal. So I decided to jump into this unseen-by-me film, even though I was saving it for Sunday. I always considered renting it from the video store but somehow never did pull the trigger. The cinematography by Dean Semler, who shot Max Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981) is so damn good that I can hardly stand it. Throw in some bonkers ass larger-than-life Australian rednecks and some truly bizarre imagery and you have a winner. What's it about? It's about a 9 foot tall soccer player named Razorback who wins the big game but not before learning a valuable lesson! You need to see this. Director Russell Mulcahy went on to helm frickin' Highlander (1986)!

Sunday

Thirst (1979)

Well, I guess had to stop somewhere. For the final Aussome film of the week, I figured what could be better than a vampire version of The Bitch (1979)? Veteran TV director Rod Hardy brings a unique touch to this film that could not have been made at any other time than the late-1970s. To say that this is a product of its time is an understatement and I love it. Our heroine Kate (Chantal Contouri) wakes up in a coffin and bam! We get our titles. The End. The film rewinds a week and we find out that a cabal of dang weirdos are watching Kate's every move.

Before things got crazy, her life was a bland but very chic fantasy. From her meticulously decorated mansion to her mustachioed hunky boyfriend and their fireside romance novel-style lovemaking to her vague high-powered position as a cosmetics executive, this shit is ridonk. Once the aristocratic race of vamps reveal their plan for Kate, she's decidedly not into it. Victor Silva and David Hemmings are on hand to class things up. The conspiratorial vibe is fun but I'm really here for the blood shower. Well, thanks for hanging out, my friends. I will definitely be returning to this fine country in order to sample its brilliant and inimitable cinematic output again sometime.

 

Hello! This is the Doomed Show Episode 2: Next of Kin

Well, holy heck in a hand-basket! It seems to me that those crazy boys, Richard and Brad, have recorded another episode of the Doomed Show. Yikes, I don't think I should talk about myself in the 3rd person anymore. This episode is about the New Zealand/Australian horror flick Next of Kin. You can download the episode right here. Give it a listen and rock out to it. As always, drop us a line with questions, comments, criticisms, and witty retorts.

Daybreakers

My friend Stanley texted me last week to inform me that Daybreakers kicks ass. So the wife and I took his advice and went to Regal Citrus Park 20 last night. I was kind of uneasy about this theater. It's attached to a mall so I figured there would be some obnoxiousness from my fellow patrons. I'm still so terribly attached to Muvico Starlight 20 but that is quite a drive since we moved to the other side of town. Citrus Park has a wildly ugly color scheme going on. Everything is in mauve and teal. I know this is Florida and all but what year do they think it is exactly?

There were only about a dozen people in the theater to catch Daybreakers and of course, some loser couple decided to sit near us and talk their fucking heads off during the entire film. The girl was actually heckling the movie. Now I'm not saying you can't heckle Daybreakers but her method: repeating the dialogue back at the movie in a sarcastic tone. Let me tell ya, I was pretty impressed. My wife claims that she didn't even notice this couple. She's very lucky. Okay, enough nonsense, here's my review:

God bless the Australians! The Spierig Brothers, who brought us the sweet Aussie zombie flick Undead, rock my vampire pants off with Daybreakers. (Please note: I do not own vampire pants. (Yet.)) In a future where vampires rule the world, human blood is becoming very scarce. It's up to Ethan Hawke and a band of renegade humans (who don't want to become cattle milked of their life essence) to find a cure for the vampire plague which threatens to destroy both the living and the undead.

Sam Neill (Event Horizon, In the Mouth of Madness, The Final Conflict) plays the evil head of a corporation who provides most of the world's human blood supply and as usual he is awesome. Scene stealer extraordinaire Willem Dafoe is great as a vampire hunter named Elvis who -hm, I better not say too much on that one. Ethan Hawke finally apologizes to me personally for that wretched version of Hamlet he starred in back in 2000 with his portrayal of Edward, a vampire desperately looking for an alternative for human blood to feed the starving vampire race. Claudia Karvan (Long Weekend) makes a sexy vampire hunter but I think her character could have used a little more development.

Though it bears some similarities to the New Zealand vampire flick Perfect Creature, Daybreakers is totally its own epic and eerie beast. What makes this flick special is that wacky Australian sensibility. No matter how ludicrous the plot or how campy the dialog, it's all good and totally straight-faced. The more you think about it, the more silly it all seems but damn it, I love this movie. The vampires are a mix of both the cool, emotionless yuppie variety and feral insatiable mutants. Most importantly, there's nothing half-assed about Daybreakers. The gore is bountiful, creature makeup and special effects rock, and there are even a couple of good scares.

Road Games

Just got done watching Road Games starring Stacy Keach and Jamie Lee Curtis. This excellent suspense film (I hesitate to call it a slasher flick) is directed by Aussie Richard Franklin (Patrick, Psycho II) and is friggin' tense as hell. Keach plays Quid, a trucker who thinks he may be on the trail of a serial killer. Curtis plays Hitch, a plucky hitchhiker that wants to help Quid catch the guy. The film has a dark sense of humor, razor-sharp cinematography and a soundtrack (by composer Brian May) so strident that its almost comical.

Urband Legend

So my wife LeEtta and I were watching Urban Legends: Final Cut on cable the other night and we were both woefully disappointed. As the ending credits for the ridiculous sequel came up, we decided to break out the original Urban Legend to correct the damage. This is such a great slasher flick and is more than just a guilty pleasure. Australian director and composer Jamie Blanks went on to do Valentine, another slasher flick which apparently got all kinds of chopped up by the MPAA, Storm Warning (which I haven't seen yet), and a remake of Long Weekend called Nature's Grave here in the States. Hmm... This needs more investigating.

Spoilers:

So yeah, I love Urban Legend. It is quite dated in its 90s-ness with a pudgy-faced (and a million times cuter than now) Tara Reid as a campus sex-advice radio show star whose death by axe is strangely bloodless. Alicia Witt is amazing in this and I love to watch her be terrorized by an axe-wielding murderer or any other kind of murderer. She needs to do more horror, obviously. The show is stolen by Rebecca Gayheart who turns out to be the killer. Her portrayal of a revenge-obsessed psycho makes life worth living.



The Sequels:





Some more Jamie Blanks: