It shouldn't surprise the average horror fan that a film as pitiful and lame as The Hills Have Eyes Part 2 could inspire me to a very long night of reverse peristalsis. Other than that friggin' awesome cover art, THHEP2 totally sucks. But in Wes Craven's defense, his ill-conceived coke binge in the desert (that's just my speculation on how this POS came to be), isn't the only thing behind one of the most nauseating nights of my life.
It was a Saturday evening in my tenth year of life and my TV promised me some scary delights with The Hills Have Eyes Part 2. My parents ordered pizza from my favorite place in town. This was Peachtree City, Georgia, by the way, and the quality of pizza available was probably not what one would call "gourmet". This particular pizza place (whose name I cannot recall; though I doubt it was one of the majors) had pretty strange pizza. The cheese always looked like it had melted and set several days before its arrival at our front door. The sauce was strangely tangy and very, very salty. While I beheld the (un)magic of THHEP2, I gorged myself on this stuff (pepperoni to be precise).
Then I noticed that something was wrong. That dizzy feeling which I had mistaken as hunger wasn't going away. It was getting worse. I stopped in mid chewing to run to the bathroom and puke my guts out. I stayed in the bathroom for a while. Once I was sure I was empty, I brushed my teeth and staggered out to the living room. My mom threw a blanket around me and I laid out on the couch. Lucky for me, THHEP2 was still on! Thank you, commercial breaks.
So I'm lying there, in a flu-inspired fever and still rather nauseous, and trying to make some sense out of this fucking lame ass movie. The film is still a blur to me. I remember some traps, some hill people, motorbikes, and a dog. One could argue that I should probably watch this film again without the extenuating circumstances of pizza vomit and raging fever but really, who gives a shit? Deep down in my heart, I know that The Hills Have Eyes Part 2 blows. So what?
My opinion on The Hills Have Eyes 2 is probably not a popular one: It wasn't THAT terrible of a film. I mean, as a sequel to The Hills Have Eyes, yeah, it was utter trash. Craven followed a solid, challenging horror film with a cheap-ass slasher flick. But, seen as just another cheap-ass slasher flick, believe me, I've seen much worse. (True, that's not exactly a ringing endorsement. I'm just saying.) A lot has been made about the fact that even the dog had a flashback--which was, admittedly, pretty ridiculous...but it wasn't the first time such a thing had been shown. Seven years earlier, a canine flashback figured prominently in Albert Band's Zoltan: Hound of Dracula.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, sorry about you gastrointestinal malfunction. You could probably re-watch this movie now without suffering from another such issue, but just in case, I wouldn't risk it.
--J/Metro
@Jonny - You are probably right. I do need to give this another chance. Forget about comparing it to the original. Just take it as it is: a cheap 80s slasher flick. I figured I would be eating my words on this one. Maybe I'll be able to actually keep them down.
ReplyDeleteBeyond the Darkness/Buio Omega made me puke just a few years ago... that horrible, horrible close-up of the two main characters eating some kind of tomato sauce & pasta-looking slop. I'd been drinking with some friends and one minute we were laughing at the movie and the next I had to jump up and make a run for the bathroom...
ReplyDelete@Will - Oh wow. That is way cooler than my story. I mean, that sucks. But that is a pretty awesome story. That scene made me queasy when I was sober.
ReplyDeleteIn his defense, HILLS 2 wasn't the movie Craven envisioned. I'd have to dig out the Fango article on it, but he pretty much disowned the movie before it came out.
ReplyDeleteI remember that scene in BURIED ALIVE. The guys Aunt had just finished chopping up that corpse and placed the pieces into the acid bath prior to plopping a sloppy helping of stew into a bowl. She didn't even wash her hands if I remember right. The close ups of her barbarically chomping her food with bits of it falling out of her mouth were pretty disgusting.