My Horror Shelfie 40 - From Maniac Killer to Mortuary

The INV4SIAN: Review Roundup

Well, happy Halloween everybody! This post will conclude an entire month of Asian cinema reviews here at the Cinema Somnambulist blog palace. I hope you all have been enjoying this cavalcade of goodness (and only occasional not-so-greatness). As usual, I have watched way more films than I can hope to write full reviews of within any kind of a thing called "time". So, here's a list of 13 more films that I watched in order to celebrate Asian cinema. Check it out:

Skin Striperess (1992)

Skin Stripperess is the trashy tale of a shady dude pimping out his girlfriend to secure investors for a beachfront development project. When she dies in a freak electrical accident, her spirit returns and funks his ship up. A monk (Ching-Ying Lam) is called in to exorcise her spirt. It doesn’t go very well. I enjoy this film’s gore (especially that skin stripping), colorful lighting, and liberal use of fog machines. Unfortunately, there’s animal violence with frogs and snakes getting murdered onscreen. Dig the music lifted from Lucio Fulci’s City of the Living Dead (1980) on this film’s score. I kind of liked this one, but would never sit through it again.

A Monstrous Corpse (1981)

This Korean remake of Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (1974) is somewhat disjointed and flat, but has enough cool moments to warrant a viewing for fans of Jorge Grau's masterpiece. The story (that follows the original's very closely with only slight variations) is about an experimental radio transmitter that awakens the dead. The version I'm reviewing is either censored or was very tame from the get go, but that's okay since the countryside setting is beautiful and the music features some neato synthesizer work. Not too shabby, but not essential viewing.

Mail (2004)

Mail is a collection of stories featuring a detective who specializes in sending ghosts to the afterlife. After being very impressed by the manga by Housui Yamazaki, I have to admit I was a little let down by this shot on video (and probably made for TV) adaptation. Part of the problem is that it's so cheap looking, but also I wasn't expecting an episodic collection of stories crammed into a feature length movie. Stylistically, this movie can be summed up in the main character's ridiculous looking baggy leather pants. You're better off reading the manga, though Chiaki Kuriyama (of Battle Royale (2000) fame) is in this and she makes everything better (sometimes).

Witch from Nepal (1986)

Before you even ask, it's not pronounced "weyatch frown nipple". Chow Yun-Fat plays Joe, just your average Jim, who ends up getting himself involved in a supernatural battle against the forces of evil. He also strikes up a romance with magical Sheila (Emily Chu), much to the chagrin of his girlfriend Ida. Witch from Nepal is pretty awesome with its magical fun, dreamlike qualities, emphasis on spectacle, corny love story, and genuine weirdness. Low key but also kind of essential if you're a fan of Hong Kong madness. At the time of this review, Witch from Nepal is on Tubi. Go for it!

Kakashi AKA Scarecrow (2001)

A remote village is getting ready for their Wicker Man-like festival by putting up nightmarish scarecrows all over the damn place. Kaoru (Maho Nonami) has shown up in the middle of tthis wacko fest to find her missing brother. She should have not done that. This quiet and eerie little movie was a nice creepy surprise. Any time I can find a Japanese horror film from the late 1990s/early 2000s heyday that is unseen by me, I'm gonna jump on it. Kakashi is tinged with a melancholic vibe and is graced with beautiful cinematography and cool sound design. Director Norio Tsuruta has made quite a few horror films in their career including Ring 0: Birthday (2000). I wish Kakashi was more talked about. I mean more than me right now. Highly recommended. 

Ghost Eyes (1974)

Pao-ling (played by Szu-Chia Chen) is a manicurist that meets a mysterious optometrist who seems to have some strange power over her. Could he be a vampire? This is a solid horror film from the director of COrpse Mania (1981). It has some scary moments, is super melodramatic, but also brings the silliness at times. I ended up rooting for the heroine. I really wanted her to be okay. The music and the cinematography give this one some occasional giallo feels which I always appreciate. 

Look Out, Officer! (1990)

Seasoned police detective Piao (Bill Tung) is killed by a smelly drug kingpin and returns from the afterlife as a ghost. He teams up with police cadet Hsing (Stephen Chow) and his former partner (Stanley Sui-Fan Fung) to set things right. This one is pretty bad (those fart and pee jokes), but enjoyable enough for Stephen Chow fans. A cat poops on an altar... twice. There are some clever gags and I got a kick out of the hokey music stingers on the soundtrack. There's plenty of ghostly malfeasance and even some sorcery in the plot. There are some jokes at the expense of Vietnamese immigrants. Boo. No one asked for that.

Exte: Hair Extensions (2007)

A body is discovered in a crate of human hair. Thanks to a shady security guard/hair fetishist at the morgue, the hair ends up getting sent to a hairdresser and used as extensions. But it's cursed hair, y'all! So yes, this is truly one of the strangest films I've ever seen, which is hardly surprising since it comes from writer/director Sion Sono. Chiaki Kuriyama stars in this one and well, you know, she rocks. This isn't all just freaky and hilarious weirdness. Exte is also emotionally brutal and can get pretty disturbing. If I reveal too much, it would be a disservice since you need to see this one for yourself.

Howling Village (2019)

A lady goes searching for her brother who disappeared at the legendary “Howling Village”. I freakin’ love how prolific Takashi Shimizu is. The guy has directed over 25 horror movies and TV shows at the time of this writing. Howling Village is a very pretty and gloomily atmospheric film with some overly melodramatic moments near the finale, but overall, it’s a solid effort. Keep an eye out for Renji Ishibashi, one of my favorite character actors whose credits have already pushed past the 400 mark. The worst thing I can say about this film is that it felt about 5 minutes too long for me. I suspect that if you’re vibing with it, you won’t mind at all.

Forbidden Siren (2006)

Oh no! Not another cursed village movie! Why does this keep crappening to me?! In 1976, a terrible disaster struck a small island village leaving only one survivor. A writer moves there with his two kids and is warned by the locals not to go out at night when the island's siren goes off. His daughter (Yui Ichikawa) almost immediately discovers that shit just ain't right in this spooky place. This one really surprised me. It has a really cool, unique vibe to it. I dig the Lovecraftian vibes and the claustrophobic nature of the island setting. Now I want to play the video game it's based on.

Heartbeat 100 (1987)

Trying to remember the plot of this movie is almost impossible thanks to my gibberish notes. BUT... I will try. Murderous thieves hiding out in a small village terrorize some tourists, including a writer (Maggie Cheung), who's just looking for a relaxing working vacation. That should do it. Anyway, Heartbeat 100 won me over with its uncomplicated plot, spooky moments, garish lighting, surprising gore, corny comedic situations, and a killer ceiling fan. It's basic as hell but entertaining. Not a strong recommend, but if you're in the mood for some Hong Kong trash, give it a whirl. One of the characters is named Weeny Eyes and also there's a poodle named Chu-Chu.

Vampire Hunters (2003)

Four vampire fighting monks battle the forces of evil to save the life of a beautiful girl. That is the VERY SHORT version because, this is way too complicated to get into here. I kept seeing this one for rent at Hollywood Video, but never took a chance on it. I'm really glad that I finally did because it's a winner! Co-produced and written by Tsui Hark and directed by actor-turned-director Wellson Chin, Vampire Hunters is very imaginative with some inventive gore and cool vampires. This came out right before dodgy CGI took over, but there's a few cruddy digital touches here and there. A lot of the film takes place on sound stages with practical effects aplenty. There's also just the right amount of humor mixed in to keep things from ever getting too serious. 

Shin Kamen Rider: Prologue (1992)

Thanks to his dad's experimentation, college athlete Shin becomes Kamen Rider, a half-man, half-grasshopper superhero. It's up to him to battle an evil syndicate called "The Syndicate", who plan on using his dad's work to take over the world. Where has this movie been all my life? The creature effects are as cool as they are slimy. With its schlocky melodrama and heightened over acting from the cast, this one just hits all the right beats for me. It plays like a kids movie, but there's nudity (laughable swimming pool sex scene) and tons of violence (arterial spray!). The jammin' synthesizer score alone should make this essential viewing for 1980s creature feature enthusiasts. Based on the hit TV series that has spawned many, many iterations, I heartily recommend this and its very fun sequel from the following year called Kamen Rider ZO (1993).

THE INVASIAN: The Blue Jean Monster (1991)

A super cop named Joe (Fui-On Shing) has got problems. Aside from the fact that he died in the line of duty and was resurrected by a glowing cat and a downed powerline, his very pregnant wife Chu (Siu-Fung Wong) has had it with his tireless dedication to his work while she is left neglected and full of his enormous baby. She’s also very tired of his ne’er-do-well sidekick named Power Steering (Wai-Kit Tse), a kid from the wrong side of the tracks who Joe has all but adopted into their family. Now Chu has to deal with Gucci (Glorida Yip), a girl on the run from some bank robbers after she ran off with their stolen loot that Joe is letting hide at their place. Did I mention that Joe is the living dead?

I don’t really know much about director Kai-Ming Lai other than he directed Daughter of Darkness (1993), a pretty infamous Category III sleazefest. The Blue Jean Monster (1991) is rude, crude, charming, convoluted, and totally weird. This goofy horror slash action slash superhero slash comedy movie is a shining example of the “something for everyone” Hong Kong movie I adore. You cannot predict what is going to come next in this thing. For instance, the plot gets derailed for a long time while a character named Power Steering and another character named Gucci are trying to prove that Joe is, in fact, a zombie and/or a vampire through all kinds of lamebrained schemes. It’s totally wacko.

This cast is so dang amazing. I have seen Fui-On Shing in many, many Hong Kong films over the years, but I think this is my first where he was the lead. He’s such a magnificent presence in Blue Jean Monster. His giant face can and will consume your soul. I love how he plays Joe as such a good-natured goofball. The stunning Siu-Fung Wong of Mr. Vampire (1985) and Her Vengeance (1988) plays his ball busting wife. Super cute Gloria Yip of The Cat (1992) and The Story of Ricky (1991) is on hand as the just obnoxious enough, Gucci. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the legendary Jun Kunimura of pretty much every movie ever made as the leader of the bank robbers.

If you get hyped up for cool action setpieces, slapstick comedy, some nauseating gross out jokes, and baffling stylistic choices in pretty much every scene, then The Blue Jean Monster is for you. I really hope that watching this film lovingly restored on Blu-ray is a sign of things to come. I would love to retire some – heck, make it all – of the awful copies I have of obscure Hong Kong horror junk from old bootlegs and truly gnarly downloads I’ve been stockpiling since the early 2000s in favor of these beautiful discs. Keep ‘em comin’, y’all. I’ll be watching.

THE INVASIAN: Ghost Nursing (1982)

Jackie (Shirley Yim) is a gambling addict who got herself into some serious trouble when her boyfriend’s jewel heist went awry. Now she’s on the run and heads to Thailand where her pal hooks her up with a job as a sex worker, which she is absolutely not into. When that too goes completely wrong, Jackie goes to see a sorcerer (Billy Chan) who informs her that her string of bad luck is because she is the reincarnation of a dead criminal. His solution is to adopt a ghost child to turn her fortunes around.

All that Jackie must do is follow some very specific instructions or all darn heck will break loose. You know where this is going, right? Suddenly, our main character is getting the lover she wants, and the rest of her troubles just seem to disappear. The thing is that Jackie is having too much fun to notice that anyone who crosses her while she’s protected by this ghost kid faces some dire and/or grave consequences. And because she’s a jerk, she totally screws up her daily ritual. See? I told you that you would know where this was going!

The world of Hong Kong cinema was changed forever when Ghost Nursing (1982) was released. Okay, don’t look that up because it’s not true. I was struggling with how to start this review, and that was the best I could come up with. While actor turned director Wilson Tong wasn’t dropping the most original film I’ve seen from this genre, he certainly didn’t skimp on infusing his film with a lots of energy, silliness, and over-the-top schlock. The film is populated with some HK genre regulars like Norman Chu of Seeding of a Ghost (1983) and Melvin Wong of Bewitched (1981), just to name a couple.

While I wouldn’t put Ghost Nursing on a top tier or essentials list, it is just so damn awesome to get more Hong Kong horror on Blu-ray. All of the appropriate amounts of sleaze, violence, tacky sets and costumes, and gross-out gags are here. If you’re at all like me, you’ll be yelling at your TV trying to get Jackie to stop dicking around and do right by her adopted ghost baby. Surprisingly (and thankfully), the whole "nursing" part of the Ghost Nursing title doesn't become a hyper-sexualized thing. That would've been pretty freaky. Also, the ending of this film is so baffling and unsatisfying that it kind of accidentally becomes satisfying in its own way. Animal lovers beware, this film has a dead monkey in it. It’s not killed onscreen but if you’re bummed out by that kind of stuff, you now have fair warning.

THE INVASIAN: Mad Monkey Kung-Fu (1979)

 

Each armed with half of a wooden key, two criminals (played by Siu-Tung Ching and Chiu-Sing Hau respectively) escape from jail in search of a treasure left behind by a kung-fu master. The treasure is not gold, silver, or bitcoins. In fact, it’s an old manuscript on the monkey style of martial arts. Before they can go up to the mountains to train properly, our shady heroes must go on the run from a pole-wielding villain named Tung Hak-Fung and his henchmen. If they don’t learn this new style soon and go ape together, they’re gonna wind up very dead.

After the incredibly colorful opening credits, I suspected that Monkey Kung Fu AKA Stroke of Death (1979) was going to be a stone-cold (if minor) classic. So far as I know, this is my first time encountering director Mar Lo. There’s never a dull moment and there’s a plethora of clever and fun fight sequences. I really appreciate the filmmakers’ restraint by not having any monkey screeches on the soundtrack or someone in a guerilla costume monkeying around. The comedy is restrained but the training montages are not. Monkey Kung Fu is a real charmer. Highly recommended.