Moving Day

It's moving day! The wife and I bought a dang house. Shit is crazy right now. I will be back soon, my friends.

H!TITDS #51 - Best of 2013

Brad and I talk about our favorite horror movies that we watched in 2013. Our lists are all over the place. Fun episode? I think so.

Listen here.

Check out the archives for our old episodes.

H!TITDS - Episode #50 - A Candle for the Devil

Ladies and gentlemen, a bit of a milestone over at the podcast. Not only are we at episode 50 but this also marks THE TRIUMPHANT RETURN OF BRAD to the show. Holy poop! After an insanely long absence, co-founder of Hello! This is the Doomed Show, Brad is back. We get back on the hawg to discuss A Candle for the Devil AKA It Happened at Nightmare Inn from 1973. So much fun. Too much fun. Boo much fun. BRAD BRAD BRAD BRAD BRAD BRAD BRAD.

Listen to the new episode here.

Grab the old episodes here!

The Moviethon Vlog #25 - Cult and Horror Movie Books

H!TITDS Episode #49 - Death Wish Club

Lookie! Two episodes in two weeks?!! Say what?!!? As a follow up to our Night Train to Terror episode, Jeffrey and I discussed its companion film, Death With Club. I put a lot of quotes from the film into this episode because holy crap, you have to hear this dialog. Take a listen and enjoy or just be confused. We were but happily so. Episode 50 is almost here, kids!

Listen to the new episode.

Check out the archives.

Akira Song

As some of y'all may have gathered from some of my posts, I have quite a thing for Katsuhiro Otomo's Akira in manga and movie form. Don't believe me? Well, it's all true. In fact, I found out that Sam, the drummer of GYROJETS, is also a huge fan of Akira. So we put our nerd brains together and came up with this little ditty. Take a listen and let me know what you think!

Thanks to Shawn for making this art for us:

H!TITDS - Episode #48 - Night Train to Terror

Despite being obviously too sick to record an episode, I jumped right under the tracks with my pal Jeffrey to talk about the freakin' bonkers horror anthology film, Night Train to Terror. Check out the new episode right here. What about the other 47 episodes, you ask? You can get them at the old episode archive. And I don't normally like to spoil what we're doing next (mainly because I rarely know what we're doing next) but just one week from today, I am going to drop ANOTHER NEW EPISODE on you guys. Jeffrey and I followed up our Night Train to Terror episode with a related-film: Death Wish Club! I am excited for y'all to hear these two episodes back to back, so there you go.

Guest Blog: Franco Friday #57 - Tender and Perverse Emanuelle

Sometimes, when you're nice, people beat you to death. But other times, they give you presents. Brad has given me the greatest gift of all. The gift of Jess Franco! In honor of Cinema Somnambulist's five year anniversary birthday celebration or just in honor of Franco, Brad has contributed today's Franco Friday. So just sit back, relax, and then sit up straight again, pay attention, and read this review! -Richard

Tender And Perverse Emanuelle
Directed by J.P. Johnson (Just kidding! It's Franco.)
1973
Starring Alberto Dalbes, Norma Castell, Jack Taylor, Lina Romay, Antonio Mayans, and Alice Arno
77 minutes

Gordon Douglas' (Alberto Dalbes of Murder Mansion, The Hunchback Of The Morgue) wife Emanuelle (Norma Castell - Vengeance of the Zombies) is having nightmares. She's a very talented pianist and has taken to playing the same haunting sonata over and over. Gordon is convinced that Emanuelle wrote it for her lover and invites his friend Michel (Jack Taylor of Jess Franco's Count Dracula, Dr. Jekyll and the Wolfman, and three time winner of Best 70's Mustache Award) over to discuss the nightmares and try to ease his and Emanuelle's mind. It seems that all of her nightmares start out rather lovely and end in Gordon killing her. When Michel arrives, Emanuelle isn't home yet and he and Gordon wait around for her. Emanuelle's body is found on the beach the next morning, an apparent suicide. Or is it murder? (It's murder.)

Who killed Emanuelle? Was it her husband? Her former lover Michel? Gordon's sister (and former Emanuelle lover) Greta (Lina Romay of every Franco film post 1972)? Was it the handyman and former lover Matthias (Raymond Hardy-Lorna of The Exorcist)? Maybe it was thug and former lover Richard Scary (Antonio Mayans - The Night Of The Skulls)? Was it you? Are you a former lover of Emanuelle?

When Richard first mentioned Franco Friday I thought it was a good idea. I still do. Originally it was going to be a week of Franco reviews but soon grew into 52 weeks of Franco reviews every Friday. I mean, that is crazy. Because while Franco made several great films, he also made some shit. And Richard was bound to run into a lot of shit. Of course there is some variance in folks' opinions. I for one don't care to watch Female Vampire ever again, while some love it. I really enjoy The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff. Some find it dull as dishwater.

I've reminded Richard over the years (yes, Franco Friday has been going on for years. Plural. Let that sink in.) that he is doing an important service to the Eurohorror community at large. Franco made somewhere in the range of a bajillion films. And that's a conservative estimate. I know there are those of you out there that have a good grasp on Franco, but there are surely others, like me, that didn't really even have a good starting point. Richard has written a slew of these Franco reviews and has even helpfully put a button on the blog you can click and be instantly whisked to a land of soft focus/softcore horror, sci fi, thriller, comedy, giallo, spy, jungle, women in prison, krimi, adventure, slasher reviews. All films made by a crazy person named Jess Franco. All reviews made by a crazy person named Richard. Richard, I thank you.

Tender And Perverse Emanuelle is not really an Emanuelle film. It was redubbed (or dubbed for the first time, I can't tell) and retitled (I also can't find any info on an original title) because of the highly popular Emanuelle film series that started the year AFTER this film was made. In fact at times the character named Emanuelle is mistakenly still referred to as Barbara. Tender And Perverse Barbara. Nope. It doesn't have that certain ring to it.

There's a lot of flashbacks in the film. And sex. And flashbacks to sex. It seems Emanuelle had sex with everyone. And it is a bit more sex than I am really comfortable watching. I'm not a prude but it's more graphic than I am accustomed to, even for a Franco film. There's masturbation from both sexes. And some, ahem, butt stuff (don't ask). So for those keeping score, I've done two Franco Friday reviews and both had penises. At least this one doesn't have the swinging dicks of Devil Hunter!

The reason I wanted to do this review is because it falls into my personal favorite time period of Franco's filmography: 1970-1974. There's a lot to love there and it's exciting because he made approximately 47 films in each of those years. In fact, I am continually surprised when I stumble across a film I had never heard of during this period. I can wrap my head around Argento's filmography. You can easily pinpoint years for say, The Animal Trilogy or discuss the merits of where Inferno slots into your opinion of his work. We can argue where exactly Argento stopped delivering the goods on a consistent basis or what later film (if at all) saw a return to the glory of yesteryear. But it's much more difficult to do that with Franco. I still haven't seen all the films he directed in this five year period let alone his entire output.

If you don't mind the sex stuff then Tender And Perverse Emanuelle delivers a lot of what you want in a Franco film. Soft focus cinematography, great film locations, a piano driven score by Daniel White that isn't that far off from frequent Franco collaborator: Bruno Nicolai, and a bare-bones thriller plot. All the performances from Franco regulars were pretty good. I love me some Jack Taylor. Who I don't usually love, and it's heresy to say it, is Lina Romay. But she was quite good in this with her over-sized sunglasses and I found her very cute for a change. I think I'll start taking it easy on Lina.

I wouldn't classify Tender And Perverse Emanuelle as a giallo. But let's face it, if it was an Italian film from the same era, it would probably be called such. I hesitate to even say the word 'giallo' because I know that there are folks like me who want to see anything that has the slightest touch of the yellow mystery films. I will say you could throw this comfortably into a giallo moviethon, say in-between something like Psychout For Murder and Smile Before Death and no one would ever be the wiser. It IS a murder mystery with a twisty plot. Well, a twist.

I'll lightly recommend giving this a look sometime especially if you are a fan of this era of Franco. The version I watched for this review was actually on YouTube. Yep. Handjobs and all. It does seem to be cropped on the left side of the screen but I couldn't find an official dvd release anywhere on line. Would I watch it again? I think I would. I'd just skip the heavy sexy stuff.

Quotes:

“She is probably up on some cliff letting her tears drop down to the beach below.”

***

“You're the most adorable bitch I know.”

***

“You're under arrest mister.”
“No shit.”

Cool Stuff(s) I Have

While packing up the library on Sunday, I stumbled upon yet another awesome thing I have. (Thanks, LeEtta!)

And something from LeEtta's comic collection that inspired my Hideshi Hino fandom:

Happy Happy Blogday, Baby!

(Yours truly in my 14th year of life.)

5 years ago, I decided to take over the world of blogging. After a cavalcade of useless posts (over 600!), I can't seem to figure out how to stop myself. Through this platform, I met some really cool people that are just rad as hell and keep me going. If you are following this blog and have been for years or if you're just tuning in, thank you! THANK YOU! You are so awesome that it hurts. Like really hurts.

I guess now is a good a time as any to announce that I'm moving again (in the real world, not the blog world) so it will get a little quiet around here during that process. This should be the last move for a long, long time if you know what I mean. But don't worry, my good pals over at Hello! This is the Doomed Show helped me get a bunch of new episodes in the can that I will be doling out during my absence.

There will be more fun stuff this summer. Dats a promise. Like what? Well, I'll tell you. The second issue of the Fang of Joy fanzine is coming along. I know you're going to dig that. I'm also continuing work on my Giallo Meltdown book. And my band, GYROJETS, made a short film that will tinkle your fanny. No, I mean, trickle your flapper. Tackle your familiar? Yeah, that's a lot of fun stuff. So anyway, take care, my friends. See you soon.

Here's me ruining people's eardrums with my pal Markky recently:

H!TITDS Episode #47 - Nightmare City

The old Doomed Show is back and this time Jeffrey and I talk about Nightmare City from top to bottom and all doughy Hugo Stiglitz parts in between. No, not that Hugo Stiglitz. We be talking about the original Hugo Stiglitz! Dang! Listen to the episode.

Check out the always huge archive.

And check out Jeffrey's rad blog. You'll be glad you did.

The opening song in this episode is "Doomed Moviethon" by The Prople. Check them out too, damn it all to hell.

Ghost Pizza

My band wrote a spooky song about a spooky topic: haunted pizza. The results are pretty chilling.

Listen here.

The Melvis Files Part 2 - Paradise, Hawaiian Style

And we're back. So my wife and I are kind of watching but mostly re-watching all of Elvis's movies. I'm going to be randomly reviewing them as we go along, especially when they are weird or just very, very special. Check out Part 1 if you missed it.

I've never taken a Valium before but I believe that Paradise, Hawaiian Style from 1966 is exactly what it feels like to take one, maybe. In this nearly plotless travelogue, Elvis plays Rick Richards, a pilot fresh out of the Air Force that starts an island-to-island helicopter taxi/sightseeing service in Hawaii with his pal Danny (played by James Shigeta (Die Hard)). Of course, Rick is a horny fool with a girl on every island and pretty much screws up everything. And there's a love interest in the form Suzanna Leigh (Lust for a Vampire) and a goofy kid character as well: Danny's daughter Jan (played by Donna Butterworth).

Rick's other love interests are irritating at best and are played by Marianna Hill, Irene Tsu, Linda Wong, and Julie Parrish. They act sexy and then angry. There you go. Hill gets the most screen time but her character is such a jerk that you just want to beat her to death with a cocoanut. Fans of obscure horror films, like myself, will slap their foreheads with this bit of trivia: Marianna Hill starred in the weird and wonderful apocalyptic zombie film, Messiah of Evil in 1973.

Overall, I really dig Paradise, Hawaiian Style. Unfortunately, there's no guitar porn (one of the band members has a pretty cool looking hollow body electric but that's about it) and the kid character may get on your nerves though she wasn't a deal-breaker. The main thing I noticed is how relaxing all of the scenery and most of the music is. It just lulls you into a happy state with only the machinations of the story occasionally getting in the way.

Standout scenes:

An air hostess (that's what they called them back then!) says the title of the movie in the first 2 minutes.

Elvis flying a helicopter with a pretty girl and a cockpit full of mentally disturbed dogs.

H!TITDS Episode #46 - Amok Train

My good pal Jeffrey is back guest co-hosting the show and we are headed back into the Italian horror craziness like a choochoo train of craziness. We are talking about Amok Train AKA Beyond the Door III. Come on over and listen to our bafflement mixed with mostly equal amounts of joy and pain. Listen here!

Be sure to check out Jeffrey's awesome blog: Nessun Timore.

And please peruse the back catalog of the show. There are some real gems in there, y'all.

Franco Friday #56 - Killer Barbys

Holy crap, I am getting desperate. It's been really hard for me in terms of picking what Franco film to review next. I don't want to delve into all the pornos and I'm tired of all the psychodramas that are actually just pornos with lots of angst. So I settled on this little gem(?) from the 1990s, an era of Jess Franco that I am totally unfamiliar with. Are you ready? I'm not. 1 2 3 4!!!!

Killer Barbys
AKA Vampire Killer Barbys
Directed by Jess Franco
1996
Starring Santiago Segura, Mariangela Giordano, Aldo Sambrell, Charlie S. Chaplin, Silvia Superstar, Carlos Subterfuge, Angie Barea, Billy King
87 minutes

While out on tour, a band called The Killer Barbys run into some trouble when their van breaks down out in the middle of nowhere. They get help from a man named Arkan (played by Aldo Sambrell), who brings them to the castle of the 100 year old Countess Freguenmans (Mariangela Giordano) AKA actress and singer, Olga Lujan. What The Killer Barbys don’t know is how utterly screwed they are because the Countess is actually a vampiric creature that needs their young blood to stay alive.

There is also a crazy legend of a satanic monk who tormented and killed a lot of little girls. He fell in love with a woman and tortured her to the brink of death. Then with a potion made of his blood and semen(?), saved her at the last minute. To this day, his image sometimes appears and disappears on the side of the castle. Sure! Why not? And I simply cannot talk about this movie without mentioning Baltasar the idiot (played by Santiago Segura) and his two dwarf minions (his “children”?) that help Arkan carry out his plan by slaughtering the band members. Could he be the satanic monk himself?

Much to my surprise, I love this film’s atmosphere right out of the gate. Great lighting and smoke machines combined with extravagant sets make this an attractive film to look at. The copy of Killer Barbys I have is pretty dark so some of the outdoor nighttime scenes were kind of lost on me but other than that, the film looks great! The sequence of the band playing in an old concert hall reminded me of Franco’s heyday filming jazz bands and nightclub scenes except with more moshing.

Much like his 80s splatter efforts like Faceless and Bloody Moon, I think Franco decided to just give the people what they wanted and we all have to suffer for that attitude; partly because “the people” are idiots and also because Franco didn’t have a clue what in the hell they actually wanted. Maybe this is Franco trying to relate to 90s audiences and the rest is a happy(?) accident. Take for example, the ubiquitous bad sex scene. The idiotic couple who stays in the van, going at it for hours (presumably) while the same Killer Barbys song plays over and over, is one of the dumbest and least inspired things I’ve seen in his filmography.

One of the things about this movie that impresses me is all the bizarre shit that happens. The script, partly in Spanish and partly in English, is terrible and is peppered with some seriously bad jokes. How much of it is meant to be taken seriously? Who the hell knows? The band drives around in their van, rocking out to their own music. That’s pretty hilarious. In one scene, an unseen someone is singing out in the swamp. It sounds vaguely like Rick Springfield. When one girl gets beheaded, her severed head calls Baltasar a son of a bitch. I think that was meant to be funny. After killing one of her victims, the Countess rolls around on his naked body, gibbering like a dang loon. I don't think that was meant to be funny. But it is.

Italian horror fans will no doubt recognize Mariangela Giordano from Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror, Giallo a Venezia, and several other sleazy classics. Spanish character actor/director Santiago Segura has since gone on to do a series of comedy crime films playing Torrente, a private detective that excels in bad behavior and getting into ridiculous situations. He was also in Alex de la Iglesia’s The Day of the Beast. Veteran actor Aldo Sambrell was in more spaghetti westerns than I care to delve into at this moment. Duder was prolific. As for the rest of the cast... the less said, the better.

Damn it, I like Killer Barbys! It is not a great film by any stretch of the imagination but I found it kind of fun. The acting from all of the band members is awful while the rest of cast (who are actual actors) do a decent job with the material. Some of the gore is pretty cool (the rotting yet living corpse of the Countess) and some of it really, really low budget (the bodies hanging up around the castle). Surreal, trashy, and astoundingly stupid, this is one of Franco’s craziest films that I’ve seen; yet I’m not sure if I can exactly recommend it. Franco fans may get a kick out of Killer Barbys but the uninitiated will want to pass on this one. Where the hell did that steamroller come from anyway?

“I think the axel is broken.”

“What the fuck do you know!?!”