Cinema Somnambulist The Book Coming Very Soon

I've got my proof copy, y'all! Fixing egregious errors right now. It's gonna be rad.

You're holding this blog in your hands. One day, you'll hold the book of this blog in your hands!

Maybe I don't know how blogs work.

Giallo Meltdown Is A Year Old

Hey, Giallo Meltdown fans! Do you have Giallo Meltdown? If so, THANK YOU! Do you like it? Do you hate it? REVIEW IT! If you have a blog, I'd love to read what you have to say about it!. If you have a podcast, I'd love to hear what you have to say about it! If you have a vlog, I'd love to see what you have to say about it! So yeah, if you have the book and haven't posted a review of it on Amazon, please do. Good or bad, all reviews help me out immensely.

But the main point of my bloggin' this blog post right now is that I want to say how much fun I've had since putting the book out. I've been able to appear on some cool podcasts and some really nice people have reached out to me to say that they liked Giallo Meltdown. I've also had some really stellar reviews from some very nice folks! These kinds of things mean the world to me.

As for negative criticism, there's been only three things so far. The first one that really embarrassed me was the first bunch of copies went out with a ton of typos. I stupidly got too excited and released the book within days of getting my proof copy. Wow, yeah. Huge mistake. I revised the book and quietly re-released it. Now the only version available out there is in 120% better shape. What can I say? Rookie mistake!

The second thing that happened is that one reviewer took me to task for spoiling the films. I never reveal the killer or the ending of the movie in the book but someone still got mad because I revealed too much about the plot of The Crimes of the Black Cat. All I can say is "Sorry, man." It never occurred to me that revealing the killer's modus operandi would be a huge spoiler. I guess I'll have a disclaimer at the beginning of part 2 to watch the movies before you read about them in the book!

Lastly, two people had a problem with the cover. They both said I should have used a more familiar giallo movie poster so that the book would sell better. To that I say, "No shit, Sherlock." I like giallo posters and all but I wanted something on the cover that reflected the personality of the book. My wife LeEtta, who drew the fabulous art for Giallo Meltdown (and tons of other stuff for me over the years), was there for all these moviethons and she knows what I like. Plus, she's amazing. Why would I want a poster of Bird with the Crystal Plumage or Torso or frickin' Who Saw Her Die? on the cover? I prefer originality.

And you know what? There are a couple of references to gialli in that book cover! I sent her some reference material and asked for a very specific look to the straight razor on the cover. Does it look familiar to you, giallo fans? It should! So to the haters, don't worry, I will continue using LeEtta's awesome art for all of my projects. Deal with it.

So anyway, the planning of the next volume of the book has almost reached its end. Let me tell you a little more about it. As you may or may not know about me, I'm very liberal with what is and isn't a giallo. What I want to explore in the second volume are threefold: key giallo titles that I missed in the first book (New York Ripper, The Stendhal Syndrome, etc.), films that inspired the giallo (Psycho, Blow Up, etc.), and films that were clearly inspired by the giallo (Friday the 13th, Berberian Sound Studio, The Editor, etc.).

Though I tried to make it clear with the first Giallo Meltdown, this is a book from a fan and not a scholar. I want to talk about this up front so people don't pick up my book thinking that I'm the guy whose gonna say in black and white, "this film is a giallo" and "this is NOT a giallo at all" with some authoritative posturing. I definitely want to have fun which has been my intention from the get-go. I want people to come with me on this journey no matter what ridiculous things get along along the way.

So let me just beat this to death right here. If you bought my book, thank you one million times over. If you're a Kindle subscriber and you got it for free, thank you too! If you killed a dude to steal his copy, why'd you do that? That's messed up, bro. But thank you! I've got some fun projects in the works (like the coming VERY soon Cinema Somnambulist book and another issue of Fang of Joy).

Films I Watched: April 2016

* indicated first viewing

April Fool's Day
Bubba Ho-Tep
The Beyond
The Abominable Dr. Phibes
Dr. Phibes Rises Again
Naked You Die
Persuasion (1995)
Murder Obsession
10 to Midnight
Alice in Wonderland (1951)
Out of the Dark (1995)
The Case of the Bloody Iris
God of Cookery
Gangster VIP*
Gangster VIP 2*
Heartless*
Goro the Assassin*
Black Dagger*
Kill!*
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Grease
Matango
Bride of Re-Animator
Pillow Talk
Love Come Back
Up in Arms
Secret of the Kells*
Phantom of the Ritz*
No Retreat, No Surrender 3: Blood Brothers*
Repo! The Genetic Opera
Hausu
Wake Up and Kill*

Franco Friday #61 - El siniestro doctor Orloff (1984)

I keep thinking that the Franco Friday series is over. I know that I’ve only seen one quarter of Jess Franco’s films and there’s still greatness to be found if I keep scavenging. But honestly, I’m still fried from the last time I jumped in. And as usual, I have so many other fun things going on that this project seems like it might be officially dead. Then, out of the blue, I find ANOTHER Dr. Orloff film! Wait what? How did that happen? Well, gang, here I go again. Let’s see what old Orloff was up to in 1984.

El siniestro doctor Orloff
Directed by Jess Franco
1984
Howard Vernon, Antonio Mayans, Rocío Freixas, Antonio Rebollo, Rafael Cayetano
77 minutes

Dr. Orloff’s son Alfred (Antonio Mayans) is pining over his lost love who also happens to be his dead mother Melissa. He keeps her body preserved so that he can revive her someday. Alfred needs the bodies of young and sexy women to make this terrible dream come to life so he sends his blind assistant Andros out to kidnap him some raw materials. Meanwhile, Inspector Tanner (Antonio Rebollo) is feeling the pressure as he hasn’t been able to crack the case yet. His lovely wife Muriel (Rocío Freixas) wants to help so she gets mixed up in all this craziness too. This should turn out great for all parties involved.

As I was watching The Sinister Dr. Orloff (not to be confused with one of my favorites, The Sinister Eyes of Dr. Orloff), I thought to myself, "Could this be a nice throwback to his early 70s goodness?" The answer is yes. This kind of meandering pervy crap is exactly what I was hoping it would be. Not only are characters recycled from this storyline that Franco remade over and over again, the plot as well will be very familiar to fans of this disjointed series.

Antonio Mayans fans, rejoice! He is pretty frickin' great in this film. Alfred is a really, really pathetic male chauvinist psycho dickhead and his narration while he’s cruising the streets with his robotic manservant is as lame as it is hilarious. Howard Vernon is back as the original Dr. Orloff and he looks truly insane in this. His hair was styled during a nuclear bomb test and his character spends the movie in a wheelchair trying to talk Alfred out of his insane plans. Jess Franco himself plays a ridiculous gay stereotype who witnesses one of the abductions. Lina Romay does some voice work but unfortunately doesn’t play a character onscreen in this one. Rocío Freixas is very cute and all but she's clearly standing in for Romay. She even looks like she's borrowing Lina's blonde wig!

The Spanish seaside locale is beyond beautiful and there’s some very familiar looking architecture on display (see Countess Perverse). This gets predictably trashy as there’s plenty of utterly gorgeous female flesh on display but it only goes for extended onscreen sex once. Color me relieved. The real sleaziness happens when Alfred strangles one of his victims -who is EXTREMELY nude- to death and he seems to be really, really enjoying it.

The Sinister Dr. Orloff is a wonderful overdose of mad science, off kilter dialog, and jiggling boobies (and other body parts). It’s good but definitely not essential for Franco fans but there’s a whipping scene if you’re into that kind of thing. There's also endless shots of Andros carrying naked women over his shoulder which I think is a fetish as well. The synthesizer music at the beginning is very subtle like a supernova smoking crack. Come to think of it, all of the music in this film is pretty deranged; and surprise (not really), it’s all done by Franco under a pseudonym! My only major complaint about this one is that I really wish it was dubbed into English but I highly doubt this film got very much distribution beyond Spain.

“You can’t atomize the soul of a human being.”

GIALLO MELTDOWN CONTEST